Yelled at my sweet 5 year old I feel like ****

amother

Apricot

Wed, May 11 2016, 3:33 pm

Bedtime didnt go well. I had plans to go out and the babysitter came when 5 yr old was in bed but not sleeping yet. 3 year old was still up. Babysitter started washing dishes with 3 yr old in kitchen so I could get ready. 5 year old was still up by the time I was ready to go (she was supposed to have fallen asleep already). She caught wind of the fact that I was going and that babysitter was here. She started crying its not fair that 3 yr old gets to be up but not her. 3 yr old is put to bed at that point. Im anxious to leave already and am frustrated and annoyed at 5 yr olds behaviour - kvetchy and crying about the fact that she didnt stay up like the 3 yr old, she doesnt want me to go. I do not want to risk kids not going to sleep on time, so I decide to stay with them until they fall asleep. I sit next to her and stroke her head. But I am anxious about running late and feel pressure, plus annoyed at 5 yr olds behaviour that shes not just going to sleep. So, I yell at her multiple times- no talking, lay down, no more water, no trips yo the bathroom, stop talking already. I am not the loving, empathetic and patient mother I usually am at bedtime, bcs I feel this pressure to leave. In the end I didnt even go out, bcs Im pregnant and was too exhausted. Why why why could I have not have responded better..... my good sweet 5 yr old girl.... kids need to hear that they are good, that their ima loves them. She is sensitive- when I yell she cries and says 'dont yell at me', when I look at her angrily she cries and says dont look at me like that. Now my heart is bleeding and im not even sleeping and I didnt go out. This whole experience has been for nothing. Need encouragement