Uh oh- how to begin earning income with no background

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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amother

Amber

Thu, May 12 2016, 7:18 pm

Please, no judgement here, just practical advice.
Here's the facts: My parents told us that they would support us at a basically unlimited level forever. Now I am married for 8 years and have four kids and they pop up on us that they want to stop. Neither my husband or I have any education past high school. I do not want to work more than part time while I still have little children at home [I have a newborn and toddler home all day now]. My husband has been learning all day every day. He is talmid chochom material. He has no desire to stop at this point, but will, because the parnassa situation is about to be an emergency. We are 30 and 32. Part of the problem is that we both grew up comfortable and have gotten used to a relatively comfortable lifestyle as adults. I don't know what budgeting means. We have about 20k of savings, and we own a 300k house free and clear, so that is something.
My interests: children, psychology, anything creative [remember, no degree at all]
My weakness: math, computers, science
My husbands interests: Torah that is his life and all he wants to do. But, he is brilliant and can learn anything if necessary.
My husband's weakness: people skills

As of now, we are living on about 5500/m.
How in heavens name can we get through this?! [Don't tell me to be grateful and how could I have been so naive--that has nothing to do with the question.]

tichellady

Thu, May 12 2016, 7:22 pm

Do your parents want to stop abruptly or will they stop gradually? Will they pay for education?

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, May 12 2016, 7:23 pm

My first question for you is when is the support stopping? Are your parents giving you notice? Or they are stopping immediately? Bec depending on how much time you have you will have different options

amother

Amber

Thu, May 12 2016, 7:26 pm

They did not give a date, just that they would like us to be self supporting soon [whatever that means] with a realistic plan in place now.

cnc

Thu, May 12 2016, 7:26 pm

The first thing to do is work on your budget. It sounds high to me based on the fact that you don't pay housing expenses and are not paying more than 2 children's tuition.

Once you figure out how much you actually need to live you can start working on figuring out how to make that amount of money.

Would you consider getting a degree?

amother

Amber

Thu, May 12 2016, 7:29 pm

I would consider going to school, yes, but I refuse to work past the time my children are home from school. It might be helpful just to have it so that when all my kids grow up it is easier to enter the workforce...

amother

Brunette

Thu, May 12 2016, 7:38 pm

I guess that leaves you to apply to any job in any school. maybe with your parents money you have pull? and your husband to apply for any rebbe job and start applying to every gov program ie for foodstamps/medicaid/wic. you will work hard and be poor but you will be home for your kids.

amother

Turquoise

Thu, May 12 2016, 7:39 pm

You're living off the equivalent of $85,000 a year before taxes, now, with 2 children. Please keep this in mind when pursuing jobs and carriers. Tuition for these two children alone in Lakewood will cost a minimum of $10,000 more a year, but can be more than double that is some other communities.
So that's approximately $100,000 a year WITHOUT rent or mortgage expenses.

The Happy Wife

Thu, May 12 2016, 7:39 pm

amother wrote:

Actually, it might be really helpful right now when you need to start paying bills. It is unlikely that your husband is going to start earning big bucks immediately and you will likely need to contribute.

I understand wanting to be home when your kids are. Maybe you could look for work in the evenings. In order to be home during the day. I really hope you figure out something that works for you but that probably requires some flexibility on your part.

You should try to meet with mesila or another group that can teach you about budgeting. See if you can get career counseling as well.

cnc

Thu, May 12 2016, 7:41 pm

amother wrote:

I would tell you this, but you said that your dh has no people's skills so I can't imagine him being a very good rebbe. Schools pay barely anything and you'll be needing to pay childcare for 2 children that are currently home with your so you'll be coming home with very little.

I'm not sure how realistic your plan of wanting to be home for your kids is. Crying

amother

Amber

Thu, May 12 2016, 8:02 pm

My husband wants to start a business. Is that unrealistic?

amother

Slateblue

Thu, May 12 2016, 8:04 pm

amother wrote:

My husband wants to start a business. Is that unrealistic?

Where is that money going to come from?

watergirl

Thu, May 12 2016, 8:14 pm

amother wrote:

Where is that money going to come from?

Forget the money - where are the people skill going to come from?

Op, what about this idea. Your parents told you that they want you to become self sufficient, but with no timeline, correct? So what if you make a plan with them on how you will achieve this goal. Meaning, maybe they will agree to continue to support during this transitional time - you will start college asap. A degree program which will at the end, supply you with the skills and degree to become gainfully employed, not poor, not on government programs. Full time school will allow you to take classes during the day and be home with the kids by 3:30 if you schedule correctly. Or, take classes at night (I'm doing that right now. Its hard, but doable!). With out the degree, you can not afford to be choosy, or "refuse" to work while the kids are home. A $300,000 house still has repairs to make, and I am assumjng its a nice size - expensive to heat/cool/light. If youd like to stay in the house, your going to need the income that you get with a degree.

Will your parents go along with a plan like this, with support as long as you are puttif in your half of the agreement?

As for dh, a being a rebbe is a bad idea. Would he consider safrus? Such kodesh work, no people skills needed. Again, requires training.

You will need to get more info from your parents to know all the answers.

amother

Aubergine

Thu, May 12 2016, 8:33 pm

What degrees are being recommended that can be gotten quickly? All the therapy jobs (ot, pt, speech) are hard to get, fields are G L U T T E D in Lakewood, and people travel to New York which takes years to get the degree costing $50,000+ tuition and/or student loans, and then when working, hours of travel daily.

In Lakewood, you have to be VERY lucky to find a job without having to travel hours daily, and its lower paying than in NY, and traveing to NY means coming home without an ounce of strength to take care of the kids and house.

Thats why Im a fan of YU!!!!!!!!!!!! Only those going into Rabbanus learn, and husbands are supported by wives with professions. The system we have works only for the filthy rich or those willing to live on programs their whole lives. By the time you have kids its too late to start thinking education. Its insane! Unless youre in a Rosh Yeshiva family and guaranteed good Chinuch jobs because of connections.

amother

Turquoise

Thu, May 12 2016, 8:35 pm

amother wrote:

My husband wants to start a business. Is that unrealistic?

He needs to work for somebody else to learn how to work hard and what the world is about first.

amother

Aubergine

Thu, May 12 2016, 8:37 pm

amother wrote:

He needs to work for somebody else to learn how to work hard and what the world is about first.

+100

amother

Brunette

Thu, May 12 2016, 8:39 pm

if I were you I would put dh in training before yourself. please dont become a proffesional while he watches the kids. maybe he can take a computer programming course and teach himself some good code? maybe an accounting course? starting a business is generally a horrible idea when youve spent the past decade+ of your life in yeshiva. dont ditch the idea forever just get out there first. good luck this must be extremely challenging.

Thu, May 12 2016, 8:39 pm

OP, if you are in the US, please consider community college as part of your transition plan. You will find a supportive environment for non-traditional students, a choice of fairly low-cost two-year programs to become employable and guidance for transferring to a four-year college afterwards, if you want. You may be able to meet with an advisor even before enrolling to determine which program is right for you.

cnc

Thu, May 12 2016, 8:45 pm

amother wrote:

Why?
Chances are she has a much higher earning potential then him.

amother

Turquoise

Thu, May 12 2016, 8:47 pm

cnc wrote:

Why?
Chances are she has a much higher earning potential then him.

Because he needs to get used to working and taking responsibility. Have you seen the many dh won't take a job threads?

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