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Forum
-> Working Women
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amother
Ivory
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 Sun, May 15 2016, 12:32 pm
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I can't hold the house together with my full time job and two kids. I do the best I can, have every other week cleaning help, but I'm always drained and DH is angry about the state of things - though I'm always cleaning! he works more hours than me, but our hours are the same considering that I go straight from job to kids- he doesn't get this). Financially strained so not sure what to do.
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Happydance
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Sun, May 15 2016, 12:45 pm
ugg I totally hear
I feel like I am always living in a mess and always behind on something!
I hate dishes and laundry and the repetitiveness of it all too!
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amother
Plum
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Sun, May 15 2016, 1:30 pm
Me too!!
I was actually considering paying a highschool girl come in once or twice a week for an hour or two to help with light housework - dishes, folding laundry, put the toys away, sweep the floor. I find that it's the little things that pile up that I find overwhelming to complete and make my husband crazy because they are the main brunt of the mess we see every day. I'm beginning to believe that this may be a better or additional solution than a cleaning lady who scrubs the house down in general once in a while.
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amother
Yellow
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Sun, May 15 2016, 1:30 pm
So sorry.
Talk positive to yourself don't let husbands negativity in.
You practice self acceptance confidently you are doing best you can. Smile and say yes Im doing best I can.
Or so Im being told. Working on similar situation.
Hugs.
Let me know if anything else works for you.
Also - Im really challenged in this area so Im learning also to make things easier for myself. To throw out not store stuff and use paper. Etc. maybe learn some skills from neighbor or relative
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dancingqueen
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Sun, May 15 2016, 2:11 pm
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Or...your dh can help clean the house, especially as it bothers him when it's not clean!
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amother
Saddlebrown
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Sun, May 15 2016, 2:20 pm
In right there with you op.
My dh comments when the dishes pile up and he comments when I use paper 
He does help but I get more overwhelmed by things. I've learnt to ignore both the mess and his nagging comments when I'm not able to get to it
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ra_mom
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Sun, May 15 2016, 2:35 pm
| amother wrote: | | I can't hold the house together with my full time job and two kids. I do the best I can, have every other week cleaning help, but I'm always drained and DH is angry about the state of things - though I'm always cleaning! he works more hours than me, but our hours are the same considering that I go straight from job to kids- he doesn't get this). Financially strained so not sure what to do. |
 I know how difficult it is while working so hard outside the house as well. I struggle on and off with this too.
How old are the children?
See if you can break down the various tasks and see how everyone in the household can help out.
Often cluttered items out of place can make things feel overwhelming when coming into the house after work.
Is there any way for you to
1. have the kids pick things up and put things in place such as toys, dirty laundry and trash (it's often good to have toys sorted in boxes and take out one box at a time and then sit nearby while you sing a clean up with the kids as then put items back before taking out another box of toys for them to play with)
2. use disposable tablecloth on kitchen table and roll up and throw everything out in one shot before your dh walks in. use disposable dishes and cutlery as much as possible
3. wipe down the kitchen counter with a clorox wipe before he comes home
4. have your husband sweep the floor and put dinner away
5. whomever bathes the kids should wipe down the bathroom with clorox wipes while the kids are in the bathtub
6. throw in a laundry load as soon as the kids take off their clothes for the bath. move the clothes to the dryer after the kids are settled in bed
Make sure to take some time for yourself. Indulge in a soothing bath, read a book, watch a movie after you're fresh in a nightie
You're doing great.
Last edited by ra_mom on Sun, May 15 2016, 2:43 pm; edited 1 time in total
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tichellady
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Sun, May 15 2016, 2:43 pm
| amother wrote: | Me too!!
I was actually considering paying a highschool girl come in once or twice a week for an hour or two to help with light housework - dishes, folding laundry, put the toys away, sweep the floor. I find that it's the little things that pile up that I find overwhelming to complete and make my husband crazy because they are the main brunt of the mess we see every day. I'm beginning to believe that this may be a better or additional solution than a cleaning lady who scrubs the house down in general once in a while. | .
I did this and it was amazing! Then she graduated and went to Israel, I miss her!
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mommy3b2c
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Sun, May 15 2016, 2:54 pm
I can really relate because my husband is one of those guys who makes a mess, does not clean or help with housework or childcare, and then complains about the mess. That's one of the main reasons I stopped working. If he nags me to work, I tell him too bad.
Sometimes he says, "well your sister and sil both work." So I point out that my brother and bil wash dishes, and bathe the kids, and put them to sleep and take them to the dr., and do the laundry. My sil makes macaroni or scrambled eggs for supper, and my brother watches the kids all Sunday while she does errands. The list goes on...
I ask my husband, "do you want to do all those things?"
His answer,"no."
My response, "so be quiet and get back to work."
Basically, no human being can do it all. When I used to work, I was literally cutting corners with housework and I was still falling apart. We are not machines. If he's not happy with the way things are done, LET HIM DO THEM HIMSELF!
To be honest, I don't work now and have 12-14 hours of cleaning help, and I still cut corners like using plastic dishes and I still have endless lists of things to do!
You need to explain to your husband that you are just a human being like him.
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amother
Yellow
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Sun, May 15 2016, 3:48 pm
| ra_mom wrote: | I know how difficult it is while working so hard outside the house as well. I struggle on and off with this too.
How old are the children?
See if you can break down the various tasks and see how everyone in the household can help out.
Often cluttered items out of place can make things feel overwhelming when coming into the house after work.
Is there any way for you to
1. have the kids pick things up and put things in place such as toys, dirty laundry and trash (it's often good to have toys sorted in boxes and take out one box at a time and then sit nearby while you sing a clean up with the kids as then put items back before taking out another box of toys for them to play with)
2. use disposable tablecloth on kitchen table and roll up and throw everything out in one shot before your dh walks in. use disposable dishes and cutlery as much as possible
3. wipe down the kitchen counter with a clorox wipe before he comes home
4. have your husband sweep the floor and put dinner away
5. whomever bathes the kids should wipe down the bathroom with clorox wipes while the kids are in the bathtub
6. throw in a laundry load as soon as the kids take off their clothes for the bath. move the clothes to the dryer after the kids are settled in bed
Make sure to take some time for yourself. Indulge in a soothing bath, read a book, watch a movie after you're fresh in a nightie
You're doing great. |
Ramom thank you
Im not OP but these practical tips from you said in an empathic way are exactly what I needed!
Your posts are always great. One of the reasons I still visit imamother.
Thank YOU
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ra_mom
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Sun, May 15 2016, 3:51 pm
| amother wrote: | Ramom thank you
Im not OP but these practical tips from you said in an empathic way are exactly what I needed!
Your posts are always great. One of the reasons I still visit imamother.
Thank YOU |
Thank you so much for your kind words! Just one struggling working mom to another.
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amother
Ivory
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Sun, May 15 2016, 4:37 pm
| ra_mom wrote: | I know how difficult it is while working so hard outside the house as well. I struggle on and off with this too.
How old are the children?
See if you can break down the various tasks and see how everyone in the household can help out.
Often cluttered items out of place can make things feel overwhelming when coming into the house after work.
Is there any way for you to
1. have the kids pick things up and put things in place such as toys, dirty laundry and trash (it's often good to have toys sorted in boxes and take out one box at a time and then sit nearby while you sing a clean up with the kids as then put items back before taking out another box of toys for them to play with)
2. use disposable tablecloth on kitchen table and roll up and throw everything out in one shot before your dh walks in. use disposable dishes and cutlery as much as possible
3. wipe down the kitchen counter with a clorox wipe before he comes home
4. have your husband sweep the floor and put dinner away
5. whomever bathes the kids should wipe down the bathroom with clorox wipes while the kids are in the bathtub
6. throw in a laundry load as soon as the kids take off their clothes for the bath. move the clothes to the dryer after the kids are settled in bed
Make sure to take some time for yourself. Indulge in a soothing bath, read a book, watch a movie after you're fresh in a nightie
You're doing great. |
Awesome tips, thank you!
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cooksallday
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Sun, May 15 2016, 11:04 pm
I don't have kids yet but I can still totally relate! I don't know how people keep clean houses without help! I work full time bh and there's always something to clean that I just don't have energy for. There's almost always laundry piling up, dishes in sink, dirty bathroom but I've stopped caring lol. Or pretend to until it gets too much to bear 
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amother
Mustard
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Mon, May 16 2016, 2:18 am
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None of you ladies should be doing dishes! Get a dishwasher - even a countertop one will help...
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besty
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Mon, May 16 2016, 10:15 am
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totally relate to all of yous! work full time with one baby feel like im running a marathon all week....but ill tell you what helps a lot get supper from mom and mil 4 times a week and mom sends me all the Shabbos food and have cleaning help once a week just to wash up my house and it still hard were human beings!
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amother
Ivory
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Mon, May 16 2016, 10:21 am
| besty wrote: | | totally relate to all of yous! work full time with one baby feel like im running a marathon all week....but ill tell you what helps a lot get supper from mom and mil 4 times a week and mom sends me all the Shabbos food and have cleaning help once a week just to wash up my house and it still hard were human beings! |
A lot of us don't have family nearby....
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cnc
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Mon, May 16 2016, 10:23 am
| amother wrote: | | None of you ladies should be doing dishes! Get a dishwasher - even a countertop one will help... |
What's a countertop dishwasher?
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besty
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Mon, May 16 2016, 10:27 am
| amother wrote: | | A lot of us don't have family nearby.... | right so you gotta help yourself a different way! make easy supper! stock your freezer when you have time buy!!
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amother
Gray
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Mon, May 16 2016, 10:28 am
| besty wrote: | | totally relate to all of yous! work full time with one baby feel like im running a marathon all week....but ill tell you what helps a lot get supper from mom and mil 4 times a week and mom sends me all the Shabbos food and have cleaning help once a week just to wash up my house and it still hard were human beings! |
Wow...so you don't cook supper or shabbos? Nice! enjoy the extra help!
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amother
Oak
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Mon, May 16 2016, 10:30 am
| amother wrote: | | A lot of us don't have family nearby.... |
And even if we did we wouldn't expect parents to be our full time caterers.
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