Can't stay on top of the house

tichellady

Mon, May 16 2016, 10:33 am

amother wrote:

A lot of us don't have family nearby....

My mother lives nearby but as soon as her kids moved out she stopped making dinner. I try to not have to make dinner every night so I can spend one night cleaning and Thursday night cooking for Shabbos. I rely on Shabbos leftovers for at least one weekday dinner and I try to make another on Sunday to have for the week and Thursday night is often very simple like eggs or a broiled piece of fish

amother

Gray

Mon, May 16 2016, 10:34 am

ra_mom wrote:

I know how difficult it is while working so hard outside the house as well. I struggle on and off with this too.

How old are the children?

See if you can break down the various tasks and see how everyone in the household can help out.

Often cluttered items out of place can make things feel overwhelming when coming into the house after work.

Is there any way for you to
1. have the kids pick things up and put things in place such as toys, dirty laundry and trash (it's often good to have toys sorted in boxes and take out one box at a time and then sit nearby while you sing a clean up with the kids as then put items back before taking out another box of toys for them to play with)
2. use disposable tablecloth on kitchen table and roll up and throw everything out in one shot before your dh walks in. use disposable dishes and cutlery as much as possible
3. wipe down the kitchen counter with a clorox wipe before he comes home
4. have your husband sweep the floor and put dinner away
5. whomever bathes the kids should wipe down the bathroom with clorox wipes while the kids are in the bathtub
6. throw in a laundry load as soon as the kids take off their clothes for the bath. move the clothes to the dryer after the kids are settled in bed

Make sure to take some time for yourself. Indulge in a soothing bath, read a book, watch a movie after you're fresh in a nightie

Hug

You're doing great.

Nice tips but most of those don't work if you have really little ones. Throw in a load while kids awake? Omg, heaven knows what I would find when I get back upstairs.. Clean bathroom while kids in bath? Just trying to maintain safety for those in the tub and those trying to get into the tub keeps me busy enough!

mha3484

Mon, May 16 2016, 11:30 am

I use a lot of RA' Moms tips and they help me a lot. I also try and make it fun for my 5 year old to help me clean up. I turn picking up toys into games and races. If its particularly messy we have a deal that anyone who helps gets ice cream including me.

I make filling dinners no eggs or toast or cereal, but I refuse to patcke. I use the crockpot and make a lot of one pot meals or one pan meals in the oven. Breakfast and lunch are served on disposables. Dinner lately I have been into real dishes but I am not washing 3 meals worth its too much.

I have my own washer and dryer but its not in my apartment unit. I do the bulk of my laundry Motzei Shabbos and Sunday and usually a load of kid things closer to shabbos based on need.

For me, the biggest help has been getting myself in the habit of using my motzei shabbos and sunday morning to really get myself together so I am starting the week on a good foot. I try very hard to wash all the dishes as soon as shabbos is over, take out garbage or have DH do it, throw in a load of laundry. On winter shabbosim sometimes we order in for a treat so its not all drugery but it totally helps me.

amother

Ivory

Mon, May 16 2016, 12:45 pm

pause wrote:

Disagree.
Cleaning help is a necessity for any mother, all the more so a working mother.
Nobody needs chicken most nights for supper, kids don't need to be bathed every night, but everyone needs a sane mother.

There's a difference between "cleaning help is highly recommended for working moms" and "it's a necessity and I'm entitled to it." Food and shelter are necessities. As a working mom I'm not "entitled" to anything.

HonesttoGod

Mon, May 16 2016, 1:02 pm

I can't believe this.
I just wrote an incredibly long post for you op and the whole thing got lost Crying

Please pm me, I will try to post here again later but I really have a lot of advice and tips for you. I struggle with this too, a lot, and you are not alone.

besty, You are incredibly lucky. No one is entitled to anything. Much less their mother making them supper every single night and shabbos and cleaning help. Very few of us have that.

We are old enough to get married, we are old enough to rent an apartment, get pregnant and have kids we should be old and mature enough to understand taht taking care of this all and living life is not necessarily easy but must be done.
I wish I had my mom or my mom in law to fall back on. I don't. And even if they did why would they want to cook me supper every night? They did it for themselves back in the day, they brought you up, married you off, sail your own boat now.

Sorry but this mentality of "I work so hard my mommy must help me or else" makes me crazy and unfortunately I live near a lot of people with that mentality. It makes me crazy.

amother

Brown

Mon, May 16 2016, 1:05 pm

pause wrote:

so then please pay for my "necessity" that I can not afford and no I dont have chicken every night for suppers. My suppers are very frugal

tichellady

Mon, May 16 2016, 1:05 pm

amother wrote:

We can all define what our necessities are. Obviously we could live on much much less than we have, but I think we are talking about quality of life, not literal life. We can all live without getting married and having children too, but people decide that's the way of life they want and pay for it. I feel that cleaning help is a priority in my life, but that doesn't mean everyone else does or needs to.

Last edited by tichellady on Mon, May 16 2016, 1:09 pm; edited 1 time in total

pause

Mon, May 16 2016, 1:09 pm

amother wrote:

so then please pay for my "necessity" that I can not afford and no I dont have chicken every night for suppers. My suppers are very frugal

I'm sorry that you are in a tough financial spot.

I always hear Reb. Braunstein A"H saying that if she could do it all over again, the one thing she'd change is get more cleaning help.

There's no way one person can do everything: work, be present for your kids, be available for your husband, make sure everyone has clean clothing to wear, food to eat, and the house is clean enough to be livable. Something has got to go.

besty

Mon, May 16 2016, 1:11 pm

pause wrote:

totally agree with u!!! getting married and having babys doesn't mean that you have to become a shmatte by doing everything everybody has to get help according to whats good for u

pesek zman

Mon, May 16 2016, 1:13 pm

pause wrote:

I agree that one person can't do it all, but what about two? Where are the husbands?

I don't begrudge people who decide that cleaning help is a priority that they choose to pay for, but it is most definitely not a necessity and certainly not an entitlement

amother

Gray

Mon, May 16 2016, 1:20 pm

pesek zman wrote:

Most husbands are not available all that much.

At a certain point, cleaning help becomes a necessity, not a luxury. (though certainly not an "entitlement").

amother

Brown

Mon, May 16 2016, 1:26 pm

pause wrote:

There's no way one person can do everything: work, be present for your kids, be available for your husband, make sure everyone has clean clothing to wear, food to eat, and the house is clean enough to be livable. Something has got to go.

so something went - my house very often is a mess - but B"H my kids are happy and that means way more to me than a clean house
and yes my dh helps and so do my kids to the best of their ability