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Removing/changing the desire to receive praise: how to?



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shooting star




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 18 2016, 1:51 pm
Has anybody come across an article or lecture explaining how to either remove the desire to receive praise or change it into something that would not be self-serving? Has anybody here been able to do this? Can/should it be done? Is it best to refocus this desire into praising others and that would ultimately change the ego?

Thoughts/ideas/suggestions much appreciated.

Thanks in advance!
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makdragon




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 18 2016, 2:02 pm
I believe the desire and appreciation of praise is inborn. And I don't think it's a bad thing. Many people work better and harder for receiving praise, when used the correct way.
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bigsis144




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 18 2016, 2:33 pm
I've expressed feelings similar to yours when speaking to my therapist. I was really ripping myself to pieces about not being altruistic enough, about feeling guilty for doing things I'm good at and make me look good, about craving praise and recognition from my spouse and peers.

I hoped to "cure" myself of this need just like you. I hate[d] myself for being weak and needing validation, like all my energy SHOULD be coming from the joy of fulfilling my duty, of being giving and selfless and useful.

It's kind of messed up.

She's helping me realize that it's human and normal and healthy to need recognition. We're not robots. Sure, some people take it too far into attention-seeking, but don't get down on yourself.
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shooting star




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 18 2016, 4:27 pm
Thanks so much for the responses so far.

However, as far as I can tell, I'm not having any detrimental emotional issues with this.

I can't remember the term but my question is related to a concept regarding reaching an "equilibrium". I've also heard of it referenced to being stoic in a way that you don't prefer a compliment over a criticism.

I've found the criticism part easier to work on. For example, I can be stoic enough in most situations to determine if there is a constructive purpose (proper rebuke) or if I should just disregard the comment completely without getting upset, angry, etc. Criticism doesn't bother me the way that it used to.

Often, there is nothing wrong with validation. In some cases that is the only way for me to gauge if my actions are effectively helping others.

As an aside, I have the inclination to see myself as superior other people. While it's rare to actually express this in my actions, or speech, I know it can easily make its way into my thoughts. I don't feel torn up by these thoughts. I am simply looking to find out about practical methods to change them.

I have done some research into thought meditations but that's a bit more general (thoughts are closely linked to desires). Hope this is more clear.
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shooting star




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 18 2016, 4:40 pm
bigsis144 wrote:
I was really ripping myself to pieces about not being altruistic enough, about feeling guilty for doing things I'm good at and make me look good...


I know how this feels. You're right in that it's not good feel guilty about it.

I will admit that I serve G-d (Torah and Mitzvot) for the reward. It took me a while to accept this about myself and I don't believe there is any way for me to change it.
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shooting star




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 18 2016, 4:43 pm
makdragon wrote:
I believe the desire and appreciation of praise is inborn. And I don't think it's a bad thing. Many people work better and harder for receiving praise, when used the correct way.


You're right, it's probably an inborn desire. Not sure how fits into everything.
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