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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
My son was sent home
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amother
Red


 

Post Thu, May 19 2016, 6:54 pm
My son was misbehaving he didn't listen when his rebbe gave him a punishment

He talked when he should not have so he made him stand in the corner
Ds walked away to get a drink of water (he said bec he has encopresis and the doc said he needs to drink lots of water)
Then he sent him to the principles office and was made to wait for 20 min

Ds is 7
Ds got tired of waiting so he walked away
He didn't wanto tell the principle why he was sent
After some time he said why

The rebbe sent a letter warning him that he can only come to class if Listens with my signature
Dh warned my son and I thought he got it

Today he was kicked out for playing instead of davening
And bec he walked around in the room he got timeout in instead of sitting in chair

I tried calling the rebbe about 5-6 times and he wouldn't answer till I reached his wife at home and he won't be available till 10:30 but that was only thru his wife
Plz give me comments

Right now I am crying but why wouldn't the rebbe come to the phone?
Why is he avoiding me? Why is he making me wait from 5 o'clock till 1030? Shouldn't he b available after something so serious
Oh and he will go back o just don't know when
B
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Notsobusy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 19 2016, 7:04 pm
I'm so sorry for you. I just wanted to tell you that a lot of rebbeim have second jobs, he may be a 2nd seder Rebbe or secular teacher in a Mesivta, maybe he tutors, maybe he's at a doctor's appointment. Maybe they have difficult kids and she needs his help, or they have an agreement that he doesn't speak to students' parents until all their kids are sleeping. Maybe they have a simcha.

There can be so many reasons why he's not available for you right now, please don't take it personally.
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 19 2016, 7:08 pm
I'm so sorry for your little boy. He's so young. And being punished for doing what kids do.
Please don't be hard on him.
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Bruria




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 19 2016, 7:35 pm
That is just terrible, he is only 7! Can you switch classes( or schools)?
This Rebbe doesn't seem to understand anything about children. For some kids it's easy to behave, for others it's harder. I think another class with a more understanding Rebbe would be better for your child.
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amother
Red


 

Post Thu, May 19 2016, 7:39 pm
Thanks so much. Zehava I was thinking this entirely
It looks like his rebbe just can't deal with him
He's a smart kid and does challenge
him but this yeshiva looks loke when kids are a bit smart they just kick them
Out
How sorry
Dh was
Thinking of putting him in a diff yeshiva that wouldn't be so harsh and I think he
Made
His final decision
Ds is a normal kid doing stuff kids
do
I really think these rebbes have to gain a little more experience and not kick a kid out for every little thing
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amother
Red


 

Post Thu, May 19 2016, 7:40 pm
Then they wonder why our kids go otd
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 19 2016, 7:55 pm
Ugh. As a gifted child I had a really hard time in school and was disciplined a lot. My son is gifted and I was hoping that since he's a boy he will somehow have it better? Guess I was deluding myself.
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WhatFor




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 19 2016, 7:55 pm
It seems like this rebbe doesn't know how to handle him, and maybe the school isn't a good fit. Is there a reason you chose this school? Would it be difficult to switch him to another school for next year?
He's still quite young. It may be better for him at this point to switch to a school/rebbe that's better equipped to deal with bright, higher energy children.
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Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 19 2016, 7:57 pm
amother wrote:
Thanks so much. Zehava I was thinking this entirely
It looks like his rebbe just can't deal with him
He's a smart kid and does challenge
him but this yeshiva looks loke when kids are a bit smart they just kick them
Out
How sorry
Dh was
Thinking of putting him in a diff yeshiva that wouldn't be so harsh and I think he
Made
His final decision
Ds is a normal kid doing stuff kids
do
I really think these rebbes have to gain a little more experience and not kick a kid out for every little thing

This is true. We are coming from Chassidish schools and yeshivahs, where the teachers and rebbes don't need any kind of education or training to get hired, and unfortunately this negatively affects the children, who needlessly suffer because the rebbes aren't given the tools to deal with a variety of children's needs. Perhaps this is also the case in the school where you send your son to.

If your husband is open to putting him into a different yeshiva that is more equipped to deal with regular children, that's really the best thing to do. Good luck.
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amother
Orange


 

Post Thu, May 19 2016, 8:11 pm
If the Rebbe is kicking out a seven year old, unless you have reason to believe that the Rebbe is nuts, you should not blame the Rebbe. If DS is having trouble sitting, you are in for a long 10 more years of school.

Also, why would the Rebbe call you immediately back, is he not entitled to his schedule? My sons rebbe never calls back until after 10. Why do you expect otherwise?
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shoshanim999




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 19 2016, 8:15 pm
I just have to point out that we are hearing one side of this story from a mother who heard it from her 7 year old son. Maybe it's the whole story and maybe it's not. One thing's forsure- we didn't hear the rebbe's side yet. Hopefully he gets thru to you quickly and works with you to resolve the situation.
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Laiya




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 19 2016, 9:01 pm
amother wrote:
If the Rebbe is kicking out a seven year old, unless you have reason to believe that the Rebbe is nuts, you should not blame the Rebbe. If DS is having trouble sitting, you are in for a long 10 more years of school.

Also, why would the Rebbe call you immediately back, is he not entitled to his schedule? My sons rebbe never calls back until after 10. Why do you expect otherwise?


Disagree.

After not allowing the child in class without the parent's signature, the rebbe should make himself available to the parent--preferably before the parent has a chance to see the note.

What the rebbe did shows a lack in derech eretz for the parents, for precisely the reasons discussed: The parents are now upset after hearing only the child's side of the story, and have no recourse until the rebbe contacts them.

Far more mentchlich would have been for the rebbe to skip the note altogether and give the parents a call, if the issue was that important to him that he does not want the boy back in class.

(And it sounds like the rebbe was getting into unnecessary power struggles with a 7 year old and not handling him appropriately at all.)
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amother
Red


 

Post Thu, May 19 2016, 9:07 pm
yes its true that we dont have the rebbes side of the story. but if you kick a kid out and thats pretty serious to me then you make the time of lets see "5 min" of decency and explain things to the parent. this isnt the usual. so the unusual effort is needed.

ok I get he can be busy. I am ok with that. but something in my head tells me that if he saw fit to kick my kid out he should be there to discuss and not leave me in the air for so many hours. dealing with humans here its not a business its chinuch. this is my opinion and I am ok with a different opinion

that said my son is not different in any way. yes its hard for him to sit for long periods of time. that doesnt make him different in any way. no therapy with make his personality different.

I guess I will have to wait and hear what the rebbe has to say. though I dont have a lot of respect for him for the way he treats my son. its interesting that at this point in the year he hasnt gotten a discipline plan with my son so what has he been doing with him all year long?

I guess I will have to wait.....and resolve it. for sure I am putting him into a different place that has a name for being more experienced with kids and more my type of chinuch. so I am comforted with that.

maya thanks for your response. I usually disagree with you. but this one you have gotten on the spot. but I will say this but, there are some chasidishe yeshivas that have learned it the hard way and send their melamdim to torah umesorah and they have changed their methods. the one I plan on switching to has that and its a long standing mosdos. I had my kid there before so I know the system. ds needed to be changed for just these 2 yrs but I do see a difference in the system even though both are chasidish. so yes some of them have come a long way.
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Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 19 2016, 9:12 pm
amother wrote:

maya thanks for your response. I usually disagree with you. but this one you have gotten on the spot. but I will say this but, there are some chasidishe yeshivas that have learned it the hard way and send their melamdim to torah umesorah and they have changed their methods. the one I plan on switching to has that and its a long standing mosdos. I had my kid there before so I know the system. ds needed to be changed for just these 2 yrs but I do see a difference in the system even though both are chasidish. so yes some of them have come a long way.

Yes, that's right. In fact, my husband was instrumental in introducing and supporting a training and educational program in a Chassidish cheder here, and the cheder has seen tremendous progress in the way the students are treated, and also in how they learn. Hopefully it will become more mainstream as more schools realize the necessity of such a program.

I hope your son finds a happy place to spend the rest of his childhood in.
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amother
Red


 

Post Thu, May 19 2016, 9:18 pm
thanks so much maya. and may we only hear good and happy news. not something so painful like this. I guess raising kids isnt ment to be easy.

kudos to you and to your dh! you have a share in the chinuch of these children. and in their future generations!

I always think this how powerful mechanchim are they can make or break a child. I hate it when people say dont blame the school. no I dont. but when they overeact and think they have the power no matter what and cant be challenged I think its an ego thing its not a chinuch thing anymore.
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amother
Red


 

Post Thu, May 19 2016, 10:36 pm
[quote="Laiya"]Disagree.

After not allowing the child in class without the parent's signature, the rebbe should make himself available to the parent--preferably before the parent has a chance to see the note.

What the rebbe did shows a lack in derech eretz for the parents, for precisely the reasons discussed: The parents are now upset after hearing only the child's side of the story, and have no recourse until the rebbe contacts them.

Far more mentchlich would have been for the rebbe to skip the note altogether and give the parents a call, if the issue was that important to him that he does not want the boy back in class.

(And it sounds like the rebbe was getting into unnecessary power struggles with a 7 year old and not handling him appropriately at all.)[/quote]


oh my gosh you hit it on the nail! you literally took the words out of my mouth. you must be good in chinuch.
I do believe the rebbe is finding my son a threat. my son is smart and quick he is mature in certain ways that is unusual for other kids. but still a kid at heart.
I didnt realize it when he gave dh a comment about ds by pta. but I now understand what he ment. and now its coming out. I just hope they realize that a power struggle isnt something he will win. because then he has no respect from the child. kudos to my son for sticking up for himself.

at this point I will speak to him soon so I hope I can have a respectful coversation.
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amother
Red


 

Post Thu, May 19 2016, 10:52 pm
guess what. I am trying to reach the rebbe and the menahel and noone is available and the rebbe isnt picking up the phone. even tho he asked to be called

I have had other conversations with him about my ds. and never did avoid speaking to me and that I would try so many times to call and not get through.

oh well, I did my job. for some reason he doesnt want to speak with me.
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groisamomma




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 19 2016, 11:16 pm
OP, your 7-year-old son is in his second school and now will be switched again?
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Notsobusy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 19 2016, 11:56 pm
amother wrote:
oh my gosh you hit it on the nail! you literally took the words out of my mouth. you must be good in chinuch.
I do believe the rebbe is finding my son a threat. my son is smart and quick he is mature in certain ways that is unusual for other kids. but still a kid at heart.
I didnt realize it when he gave dh a comment about ds by pta. but I now understand what he ment. and now its coming out. I just hope they realize that a power struggle isnt something he will win. because then he has no respect from the child. kudos to my son for sticking up for himself.

at this point I will speak to him soon so I hope I can have a respectful coversation.


You're right that a rebbe should never start a power struggle between himself and a student, it probably won't end well. But I am surprised that you say kudos to your son for sticking up for himself. 7 is old enough to understand that his behavior iswrong.

If your rebbe tells you to stand in the corner, you don't go get a drink of water, if you're waiting for the principal (20 minutes is not that long, presumably he's a busy man, although I realize is feels long to a 7 year old) you can't just walk away. This is not normal behavior.

It seems like the rebbe doesn't deal with your son well, and maybe your son has challenges that make it difficult for him to cooperate, but you should be trying to teach your son that this is not the right way to act. You don't congratulate him for not listening.
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amother
Red


 

Post Fri, May 20 2016, 12:05 am
oh common where did you see me say that I said to him kudos he stood up for himself? I just wrote it here. look he knows he misbehaved. but why does he not respect the rebbe enough to listen to him?

dh isnt a mechanech but he never has these issues with ds. I do have issues but I am ok. I am his mother. in school its always going to be a problem if a child doesnt listen.

the rebbe told me he became more out of control after pesach. that all kids do. so now my ds needs an evaluation which I dont think is the right thing. I do think that there is a reason ds isnt afraid of his rebbe and doesnt really listen. he doesnt do well in learning either. he did much better in the other yeshiva. I never got such complaints there.
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