My son was sent home

Notsobusy

Fri, May 20 2016, 12:40 am

amother wrote:

oh common where did you see me say that I said to him kudos he stood up for himself? I just wrote it here. look he knows he misbehaved. but why does he not respect the rebbe enough to listen to him?

I didn't mean to say that you actually said those words to your son, I meant how could you say to us "kudos to my son"? I'm trying to understand what he did that you're proud of here.

FranticFrummie

Fri, May 20 2016, 11:45 am

OP, your DS needs an evaluation, if only to rule things out. ADHD and sensory seeking are two very real things to consider.

If the WHOLE CLASS was walking around during lessons, I would say that it's normal. If it's just your DS, then no, it's not normal.

There are things that you can do to help him manage himself, once you know what is bothering him. He may have restless leg syndrome, or need a fidget to play with while sitting, or a wobble seat to give him motor input, or medication to help him focus better.

I'm not diagnosing anything, I am not a child specialist. I am the parent of a child who has been kicked out of a few schools. DD is very smart, but she has sensory problems and learning disabilities. I know how heartbreaking it is to see your child struggle.

Please be open minded, and let everyone do their testing. G-d willing it is nothing, and he will grow out of it. If it's something, then at least you'll have the tools to make things easier for him. Do it now, while he's still young, and can get back on track. It's never too late for a fresh start, but the sooner, the better.

greenfire

Fri, May 20 2016, 1:09 pm

as a mother you want to believe your child is the best & an angel at that ~ however he clearly cannot sit still or listen to basic rules

don't you want him to get the help he needs now

a 5 year old in any school is quite different from a 7 year old in the same school ... [it doesn't mean the school doesn't have issues as well]

call the board of education to have your child evaluated & try to find a school that has an IEP implemented into their curriculum ... you son can start off next year on better footing

btdt ~ good luck Hug

amother

cornflower

Fri, May 20 2016, 3:52 pm

Maya wrote:

Yes, that's right. In fact, my husband was instrumental in introducing and supporting a training and educational program in a Chassidish cheder here, and the cheder has seen tremendous progress in the way the students are treated, and also in how they learn. Hopefully it will become more mainstream as more schools realize the necessity of such a program.

I hope your son finds a happy place to spend the rest of his childhood in.

MAYA, if I may ask, which cheder are you referring too? We are in the process of moving to Monsey, although we registered our boys in our own chassidus cheder, I'll make every effort that my boys should go to a cheder which has a training program for the teachers.

Maya

Fri, May 20 2016, 4:08 pm

amother wrote:

You can PM me. Smile

amother

Red

Fri, May 20 2016, 7:08 pm

its very close to shabbos so I will post in short. the story is very different then I imagined. ds is really misbehaving he doesnt listen has little respect and does as he wishes. ok not 100 percent of the time. its bad enough that he is the only one standing in his seat and having fun while the rebbe is teaching. yes I see he has issues and were working on getting him evaluated.

please I beg of all of you to daven that I should find the right shliach. someone who can guide us. and should actually help us. he is restless, seeking attention, all normal but things that need help. he also needs to know there is authority and not walk away when told to stand in a specific spot. bec he didnt listen. I hope I find someone who understands him. and can really help.

for now I am waiting for a recomendation for someone that can evaluate. I am going to go the more expensive route bec I want someone that has expertise. hopefully it will be the answer.

groisamomma

Fri, May 20 2016, 7:37 pm

Your son is entitled to a BOE evaluation within 30 days (I think, maybe 60) from when you request one. Get this done before school lets out for the summer so you can research and prepare your son all summer to deal with the new year. You want his IEP finalized by September and most importantly you need to decide whether the cheder or rebbe is for you. You need a rebbe that will work with ds and it's best to get all that squared away before school starts. Pointless to have it if not. I personally don't know any frum evaluators, but any frum teacher at Linden Ave would know; they deal with this daily.

P.S. In 2016 all the chedarim in Lakewood only hire rebbes that took the Torah U'Mesora course. Including and especially the chassidish ones. People from Brooklyn that move here take it for granted that the rebbes suck like in chassidish bp chedarim but it couldn't be further from the truth.

Hatzlacha!

ETA that I just reminded myself of someone you can definitely call for this. She does the English curriculum development for one of the chassidish chedarim here and is very involved in all this. She'll know of a good evaluator here. PM me or put up an anonymous email if you want her number.

Hatzlacha!

amother

Seashell

Fri, May 20 2016, 8:28 pm

OP - the way you worded a few posts on this thread made it sound like your DH is not your son's father. If I'm wrong about that, ignore the rest of this post. But if that is the case, please be aware that the impact of a second marriage and blended family can absolutely come out at school. It is very, very common.

I was 12-13 when my mother remarried and it was a rocky few years. I went from being an A+ student to a C student, and even failing some tests entirely. I'd never been sent out of class or to the principal's office in my life, and suddenly I was in constant trouble. After a few years I got back on track, but only much later did I look back and realize there was a direct correlation between what was going on at home and my problems at school.

Change is hard for everyone, and for a kid to have the very structure of their family changed is massive and often traumatic. It doesn't always come out immediately, and it doesn't always come out at home. So, please, consider getting your son some ongoing therapy to deal with the changes to the family home.

Again, if I'm wrong about this, I apologize. I may have misunderstood the wording.

amother

Red

Sat, May 21 2016, 10:19 pm

to poster that thinks its a second marriage, no its not. and dh is very involved and great with ds. he has an understanding and a good handle with him. ds loves dh. he idolizes him. he really has a handle on him. its beautiful to see how well they get along. now ds has issues, he has awareness issues, social issues. nothing crazy but needs to be worked on.

I am surprized ds had the guts to walk away from what a reebe told him to do. he clearly isnt afraid of the rebbe and the principle. I dont know why. how come when dh came to pta and called him in middle of yr he had no complaints? he did tell me that shaya challenges him but it never went so far. or maybe he did and he just dealt with it.

the rebbe says shaya is having fun and out of control. he does as he pleases. he gets up in his chair in middle of davening and has fun. plays with other kid. he feels that he has no control over ds.

at this point in the year? what happened till now?

does he follow instructions other times? he challenges me too. he argues alot with me. certain things he follows well. but a lot of times he argues.

amother

Red

Sat, May 21 2016, 10:43 pm

something interesting happened today. I went to a neighbor that my ds loves to go to and it was dark outside when I was about to leave. ds decided that he wants to go to shul and went without asking me.

its down the road and not alot of cars. pretty safe place. he didntt ask before. and when I asked him what he was thinking he said "he wanted to go to shul"

ds has encopresis and doesnt get to go to shul and go to friends houses so I understand how he feels bec of not being able to go anywhere. he loves to be with people he loves social interactions. so I understand.

so this comfirms that he just does what he wants and doesnt ask. other kids do this too. he apologized. that he didnt ask before. I told him that someone could kidnap him so he said if it happens I can go to the police. I asked if hes afraid and he said yes.

its not the first time he just goes to neighbors alone. but this was at night. I dont know what to make of this.[u] I dont know what to do[/u]. hes cognitively normal. I know he isnt afraid of people. he is a very confident kid. hes not afraid to ask or speak to anyone.

amother

Red

Sat, May 21 2016, 10:48 pm

I moved here a year ago. hes not adjusting well. he came in middle of the year last year. maybe he doesnt do well in changes. maybe he has issues I am not aware of. so I am going to go for evaluation and see what happens.

TwinsMommy

Sat, May 21 2016, 11:27 pm

I have a daughter with enco (9 -- never pooped in a toilet without it being scheduled, medicated, or enema-ed) --- we've done spinal MRI, backside manometries (she just failed another), all the top down methods, cases of enemas....... she has severe megacolon, absent RAIR, and we're considering a cecotomy tube to flush her nightly to try and avoid daytime poops. My daughter DOES have ODD (in addition to severe ADHD and high functioning autism) but I think some of her behavior issues are directly related to enco. She used to kick me in the face at age 6 when I'd be changing her pullup for the 17th time in a day---- how horrible it must feel way past the age of typical potty training to have mommy change you----and/or poop (not in a toilet) between 10 and 17 times a day-- it's scary. So I definitely think that enco and behavior issues can go hand in hand. If you need more support about the enco feel free to message me--- I'm in a great facebook group too for parents of kids with enco.

amother

Cobalt

Sat, May 21 2016, 11:33 pm

amother wrote:

he doesnt have learning issues, he has more behavioral issues.

She's a psychologist, she can diagnose those too.

You can call Children's Specialized Hospital in Toms River, they can also diagnose issues.

amother

Red

Sat, May 21 2016, 11:40 pm

twinsmommy ds doesnt poop in his pants so many times. its usually once and then hes done. im sorry that you had to deal with something like this. I dont think he has autism. maybe he does and I dont know. I can see that that is causing some behavior issues. he feels out of contol in that way.

I dont know what to say. I feel so lost and confused. I dont think an evaluation will deal with this aspect. I dont have facebook or social networks and dont want to get on them. but if you can share any tips or anything that helped you I will listen. thanks a lot!