Babysitter's Husband Assists with Childcare

amother

Lemon

Tue, May 24 2016, 2:08 pm

Scenario: A babysitter cares for a couple of children in her home (small group, not required to be licensed). The babysitter's husband is often home and assists with caring for the children.

Would it bother you if the husband is home and helps out? If yes, why?

Chayalle

Tue, May 24 2016, 2:16 pm

Not at all. I don't walk around suspecting all men, any more than women. Instead, you should check the babysitter AND her husband equally.

sky

Tue, May 24 2016, 2:25 pm

I know and trust my babysitter and her husband.

I don't distrust all men.

The main concern I would have that the wife isn't busy with her husband and is actually watching and interacting with the kids.

pointyshoes

Tue, May 24 2016, 2:25 pm

Not if he seems like a trustworthy person.
There have been cases of women molesters.
Make sure you feel safe with both of them and go with your gut feeling- that cannot be stressed enough
I'm sure many have learnt to trust their intuition the hard way

cnc

Tue, May 24 2016, 2:26 pm

Yes it would bother me.
Very possible that I'm unreasonably paranoid.

In fact I have specifically not used two babysitters for this exact reason. One of them had a different red flag as well.

Last edited by cnc on Tue, May 24 2016, 2:27 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Ginger

Tue, May 24 2016, 2:26 pm

Not a problem, as long as she's upfront about it, so I can check him out just like I'm checking her out. Just like I'd want to know about and check out any hired assistant.

chocolatecake

Tue, May 24 2016, 2:28 pm

If he was just around and randomly held a kid or gave a cookie to help out his wife no problem. If the wife ran an errand and left him alone with kids and or had kids napping in same room same time as her husband I'd get a new babysitter.

DrMom

Tue, May 24 2016, 2:34 pm

If they were upfront about it, no, it wouldn't bother me. If he is a good caregiver, then it would be an advantage to have another adult on duty watching the children.

Why are all men assumed to be child molesters? That's just creepy.

thunderstorm

Tue, May 24 2016, 2:38 pm

I dont think there is anything wrong with it. My son actually called his babysitter's DH "Tatty" for years. He wasn't her assistant. But he was definitely there at times and interacted with the kids.

HonesttoGod

Tue, May 24 2016, 2:43 pm

You trust your babysitter so why wouldn't you trust her husband?
Unless you specifically SEE a reason not to...my kids are at my babysitters house for long hours. Very often I pick them up and she has run to the grocery and he is watching them or I drop them off and she is in the bathroom, he takes them in. He is warm and kind and caring just like she is.
My kids love him just like they love her.

cnc

Tue, May 24 2016, 2:45 pm

chocolatecake wrote:

I wouldn't have a problem with him giving a child a cookie etc. In my scenarios, the husbands were home the entire day and were officially taking care of the children together with the wife.

SRS

Tue, May 24 2016, 2:47 pm

Is there something about the husband that makes you uncomfortable like he seems to arrange his day to be around the kids and he is placing himself around them when he should not be? Or, does he have a regular, full time job that has its own schedule and he will just take over intermittently and as needed?

Tue, May 24 2016, 2:52 pm

If it is part of the arrangement and the parents know who is taking care of the children - fine, unless he isn't a good babysitter in some way.

If your regular sitter left the house with him in charge and did not inform the clients - problem.

amother

Pewter

Tue, May 24 2016, 3:48 pm

All I can say is you need to be comfortable with anyone who is caring for your children or around them on a regular basis. This is a big problem with home babysitters/playgroups. You check out the morahs but they don't mention that their husbands are home and around the kids and you might not even know to check them out. That is actually why I chose not to send to a certain playgroup. Not every guy is a child molester but this in particular made me uncomfortable and I knew he hung around the house a lot.

glamourmom

Tue, May 24 2016, 3:55 pm

DrMom wrote:

because you just can't know. I don't want to find out the hard way CHV that I trusted someone I shouldn't have. better safe than sorry would be my perspective.

as cnc said, Very possible that I'm unreasonably paranoid. don't I know it??

Sadie

Tue, May 24 2016, 4:27 pm

aleph wrote:

I wouldn't love it.... Why is he at home?

No need to love it, but why question why he's at home? It's his home!

I had a male babysitter as a child. My sister and I loved him.

I am a regular nanny for some kids and will be doing a shabbat overnight with them soon. My husband will be there. I'm not going to turn my job over to him, but he does interact with the kids. He plays soccer and shesh besh with them, which I'm not good at, and they're crazy about him.

Dandelion1

Tue, May 24 2016, 4:42 pm

I don't know.... It would just be something I'd want to know if I were having my child stay in somebody's home..... I'd really want to know the dynamics in terms of the people involved in my child's day.

Sadie

Tue, May 24 2016, 4:54 pm

aleph wrote:

Of course you should know, no question. You should be able to vet anyone who has access to your child when you're not there.

sweetpotato

Tue, May 24 2016, 5:17 pm

If you feel like there was a bait and switch (you hired the woman having been given the impression that she would be the sole caregiver, but then post-facto you find out another person is helping as well, and she never cleared that person with you), then I would be concerned in the sense that she wasn't upfront about her operation. If she made it clear from the beginning that she and her husband (or another assistant) both run the playgroup, and you have no reasons irrespective of his gender to find him untrustworthy, then it sounds fine.