Babysitter's Husband Assists with Childcare

HonesttoGod

Wed, May 25 2016, 3:02 pm

cnc wrote:

I'm so sorry. My children's safety comes before other people's feelings.

I unfortunately know way too many stories so I'd rather be safe than sorry. (And these are not stories that I heard about third hand...- as I mentioned previously my child had 2 parents that were molesters in the class).

I should add that it's not the playdate that it's the issue. I'm pretty flexible with letting anyone come to me. I'm just not so comfortable with them going to others.

No words to this. How snobby!
Imagine if everyone said the same?! Ugh. I grew up with too many people like you and it makes me sick. They are the best and get all the visits but CH"V they should trek 2 steps out of their way to someone else's house.

I just wish people would have a little more faith in their own children, and themselves for that matter. You really don't teach your kids to know about inappropriate touch? Or you do and then don't trust them to know or tell you if something happened?

According to many surveys and research, molestation and abuse usually happen within the family - cousins, uncles, aunts, etc. So do you not allow your kids to go to their grandparents or aunts/uncles house even though "you know them well"?

sky

Wed, May 25 2016, 3:12 pm

It isn't really a fear of molestation that I'm not sending to just anyone's house. That isn't anywhere close to the top of my list.

I don't want my 6 year left for 2 hours unsupervised in the parking lot of a development. Or my 8 year old riding an electric scooter in and out of parked cars on regular street (without a helmet as well) Both of which have happened even after asking questions and what I have heard is considered normal in certain circles. Its just a general safety issue.

And having friends over isn't the easy way out. If my children want to have a friend over I will pick them up from school so the friend can come, which I don't do on a daily basis. Or even drive them home if needed.

I'm not a helicopter parent at all, I just think I have to do my part before sending my kids to someone else's house. I try to encourage them to build friendships with our neighbors because I have a lot more control and supervision. I try to make our house the shabbos house - meaning I provide nosh, cake, ice pops lots of games and supervision - with freedom. It is definitely not the easy way out. I don't sleep shabbos afternoons so end up watching the kids of everyone else who does.

Chayalle

Wed, May 25 2016, 3:34 pm

Sky a couple of years ago my child was playing at neighbor A who had invited her to come over...when neighbor B called me to tell me that she just saw my child and neighbor A's child run across the very busy street we live on, by themselves, and a car short stopped in front of them.

So when I called neighbor A to find out why the children were playing outside unsupervised, she told me that she had "decided" that they were mature enough to watch themselves. She had not deemed it necessary to ask my opinion.

They were four. They decided to explore their freedom by crossing the street alone, since they were such big girls.

Next time she got invited over, I gently reminded her that I was not at the same comfort level as she was regarding supervision. It was only after she agreed that they would not be sent to play outside unsupervised that the playdates at her house were able to resume.

So I fully agree with you about having safety standards before you can send to someone's house.....

amother

Cyan

Wed, May 25 2016, 4:15 pm

This story happened nine years ago where it wasn't so common to run to the police like it is today. Bh the rabbobim handled the case and he is gone and it was publicized so people know not to go to this wife.

Maybe today they would have ran to the police but nine years ago you went to rabbobim and if rabbobim are taking care of it you are happy. And this molester was taken to Bais din. please stop distorting facts.

cnc

Wed, May 25 2016, 6:13 pm

HonesttoGod wrote:

Regarding the first bolded line. Interesting way to look at it. I guarantee you it's way easier for me to send my kids to someone else and have the other parent entertain them, then for me to entertain guests...(for some people , entertaining other's kids are very simple but I'm just not that type of person. I have a hard time entertaining young children. but I take the hard way out and go out of my comfort zone in order to put the safety of my children first.)

Regarding the second bolded line, that's a big part of it as well. I have a close immediate family member that was molested severely (if you can actually assign "levels") by a non family member, and trust me this kid was taught and drilled all about inappropriate touch, and still never came to his/her parents about the abuse.

Regarding your point about kids being molested by people that they know well, just because I know someone well doesn't mean I allow my children to go there automatically without my supervision, however there is no way they are going to someone that I don't know at all.
I've "been in the business" long enough to know too many stories that I'm constantly on my guard.

Maybe it's because I've had too much exposure to SA victims and I know too much "shmutz".
Unfortunately I'm wary. Very wary.

amother

Cerulean

Wed, May 25 2016, 6:15 pm

amother wrote:

He was not taken to bais din. Ever. He was told that if he "co operates" and goes to their therapists for the rest of his life and accepts the premise he is guilty and lets his name be smeared and follows their arbitrary rules he will be allowed to exist. No trial no chanceto defend himself. No opportunity to even say maybe your mistaken. He tried to take them to bais din. They refused to show up. Even people who were on the other side would agree that this is the case.
This is why I am against these "special batei dinim" who think they are the law. They help no one. If the person is guilty, he is allowed to roam free. They have so much gaavah they think they can control him. If the person is not guilty, there is no chance of defence and they are found guilty in the court of public opinion. Let me ask you, was there a court case? Bais din our otherwise? If not, innocent before proven guilty. A proper bais din or court looks at evidence and testimony from both sides. Allows for a defence. Doesn't have an agenda. You obviously were not deeply involved or only in the beginning, and can't believe that some choshuve people could be wrong. There is a reason that this case is used as an example against special batei dinim.

cnc

Wed, May 25 2016, 6:18 pm

sky wrote:

It's this as well.
Not everyone has the same hashkafos, and safety standards that I do.
I don't allow certain things in my home, and I'm not comfortable exposing my children to these things at others' homes.

I have a friend that leaves her house and allows her 5 year old to stay home alone. There is no way I'm allowing my 5 year old to be in a house alone with no supervision. Her kids are more than welcome to come to me, but there is no way mine are going to her!(I never told her what the issue is, but I just never take her up on her open invitations.)