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Forum
-> Inquiries & Offers
-> Moving/ Relocating
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amother
Maroon
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 Wed, May 25 2016, 12:31 pm
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I grew up in Brooklyn and have been living OOT for 12 years. You couldn't pay me enough money to move back there! I live in what would probably fall under "small OOT"-we have a mikvah, a day school, a boy's yeshiva and a girl's HS, 4+ options for minyanim, but we only have one quasi-restaurant. The quality of life living in OOT is priceless. We were able to buy our own home only 2 1/2 year after we got married without borrowing any money. The pace of life is just so beautiful. As other posters have said, there's no "keeping up with the Jones'". There are plenty of shiurim and chessed opportunities as well. Everyone is friends despite level of observance. There's no one policing every move, no "contracts" to sign about television and internet before being accepted to a school. My children have learned tolerance as well as strengthened our own frumkeit even more so because we live OOT. I say go for it if that's what you want, and who cares about what other people think! I think that when it comes time for shidduchim IYH I would probably be biased in the sense that I'd rather my boys go out with OOT girls then Brooklyn girls (although I'd like to think that I will be open minded enough to overlook location, after all I did grow up in Brooklyn but couldn't wait to leave). Either way you chose hatzlacha with your decision.
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amother
Mint
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Wed, May 25 2016, 12:48 pm
I grew up in Flatbush and as a married adult, lived (and still do) in various out of town communities.
Like Fox and others, we OOTers like to proudly deny there is any prejudice against us, but IME it definitely exists. When I tell people where I live I get a faintly incredulous sneer from the NYers.
So if your ONE factor in determining where to move is the reaction of the NY snobs, then yes, don't move, because some people will assume you are nebby and out of it.
Hopefully, this isn't the single most important factor in your decision. As others enumerated, there are huge and vast benefits to OOT life. Affordable housing, huge lawns, friendly neighbors, tolerance, PARKING SPOTS!
There are some downsides, of course. I miss my family terribly. No way around that - it sucks. We make every effort to come in for yomim tovim and simchos so our kids know their cousins and have relationships - so far, it's been working out well, as whenever the cousins get together they have a great time together without going through the awkward-who-is-this-stranger phase.
Another downside is sometimes you do need more options. Politics in the school bothering you? There may not be another school to switch to, or the one other option is not a good option. Small town politics can consume you, whereas in NY, you can just ignore it and switch shuls/schools/neighborhoods (if it comes to that).
Singles often do move to NY - but that is hard on them sometimes. Let's not be so dismissive of the extra challenge OOTer have with respect to shidduchim. We also send our son to high school in-town, and we miss him terribly (although I can't say for certain we wouldn't send him away if we lived in NY anyway). These are real concerns.
So - there are legitimate pros and cons to OOT life, but dear, your friends' reactions really shouldn't play a role.
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Fox
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Wed, May 25 2016, 1:37 pm
| amother wrote: | | So - there are legitimate pros and cons to OOT life, but dear, your friends' reactions really shouldn't play a role. |
I think this sums everything up.
No matter where you live, someone at some point is going to make unwarranted assumptions about you or subject you to his/her ignorance. For better or worse, being stupid is not an aveira.
Someone is going to refuse a shidduch with your kid because you live OOT; because you live in-town but on a nebby block; because you live in-town but on a too-fashionable block; because you sent to School A instead of School B; because your parents live in-town but go to the wrong shul . . . the list is infinite in both length and ridiculousness, no matter where you end up.
So you have to choose the options that work best for you and your family and let the Abishter worry about the rest.
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amother
Powderblue
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Wed, May 25 2016, 1:51 pm
thanks everyone, I think im ready to take the plunge!!!,.....
im just nervous that my kids wont have any cousins around the corner.... 
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Raisin
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Wed, May 25 2016, 2:27 pm
| amother wrote: | thanks everyone, I think im ready to take the plunge!!!,.....
im just nervous that my kids wont have any cousins around the corner.... |
see if you can find a community that is at least driveable. That makes a big difference.
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M0mmy
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Wed, May 25 2016, 3:02 pm
| amother wrote: | thanks everyone, I think im ready to take the plunge!!!,.....
im just nervous that my kids wont have any cousins around the corner.... |
I grew up OOT, without any cousins in-town (or in MY town, I should say), and it made family gatherings really special. That being said, it's great when cousins are friends, and you can have ready playmates that you don't feel you're taking advantage of when one of the mothers needs a break, but it's not the end of the world to live away from cousins. Your kids will be friends with their classmates/neighbors.
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Ema of 5
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Wed, May 25 2016, 3:34 pm
| amother wrote: | thanks everyone, I think im ready to take the plunge!!!,.....
im just nervous that my kids wont have any cousins around the corner.... |
We live in NY and my kids don't have cousins around the corner. My husbands whole family is in Lakewood (1.5-2 hour drive) and my sisters are in Staten Island and Monsey, also both not around the corner.
I happen to love where we live, even though I hate New York. We live in bayswater. So we have the amenities of living in NY (choice of schools, grocery delivery, etc) but we also have to advantages of living out of town (affordable housing, nice yard, parking, etc) I haven't met anyone here who cares what other people do, how they dress, etc.
My point is, "in town" and "out of town" is a state of mind. In town is where you currently live. Out of town is when you leave where you live. As in "when are you going to be in town?" Or "we are going out of town." To me, NY is out of town, cuz it's not where I grew up. (I've been here for 10 years, and I still don't consider myself a NYer.)
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allthingsblue
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Wed, May 25 2016, 4:20 pm
| amother wrote: | thank..... interesting whta you saying but you never heard of someone say oh she from ______ how nebby or she probably very out of it...
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Anyone who would say such a thing is probably a close minded, foolish, self absorbed, insular, immature and definitely very "out of it" person.
I mean, really! Do people think the world starts and ends with Brooklyn (or Lakewood or Monsey)?????
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Hashem_Yaazor
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Wed, May 25 2016, 4:50 pm
| Iymnok wrote: | | I'm assuming that by small, you mean number of shuls and schools, lack of restaurants and unreliable minyanim? |
Any OOT community I know with an established, thirving school has reliable minyanim.
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PinkFridge
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Wed, May 25 2016, 5:14 pm
| amother wrote: | thanks everyone, I think im ready to take the plunge!!!,.....
im just nervous that my kids wont have any cousins around the corner.... |
It is hard. But it's very possible that the cousins' parents will envy you your kids' wholesomeness. And connections can be made and maintained, over yom tov, simchos, camps, yeshivos, seminaries. By email, snail mail, Skype.
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amother
Mint
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Wed, May 25 2016, 5:25 pm
| eema of 3 wrote: | We live in NY and my kids don't have cousins around the corner. My husbands whole family is in Lakewood (1.5-2 hour drive) and my sisters are in Staten Island and Monsey, also both not around the corner.
I happen to love where we live, even though I hate New York. We live in bayswater. So we have the amenities of living in NY (choice of schools, grocery delivery, etc) but we also have to advantages of living out of town (affordable housing, nice yard, parking, etc) I haven't met anyone here who cares what other people do, how they dress, etc.
My point is, "in town" and "out of town" is a state of mind. In town is where you currently live. Out of town is when you leave where you live. As in "when are you going to be in town?" Or "we are going out of town." To me, NY is out of town, cuz it's not where I grew up. (I've been here for 10 years, and I still don't consider myself a NYer.) |
Ok, so when I say we are far from family I don't mean 1.5 hours, but 15 hours. Ostensibly you see each other not just on Pesach but Shabbos Chanuka, Shavuos, Thanksgiving, random legal holidays when kids are off ,etc. etc.
OP, moving OOT has many wonderful advantages, but truly has downsides as well = like everything in life!
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amother
Lime
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Wed, May 25 2016, 5:50 pm
| amother wrote: | I grew up in Flatbush and as a married adult, lived (and still do) in various out of town communities.
Like Fox and others, we OOTers like to proudly deny there is any prejudice against us, but IME it definitely exists. When I tell people where I live I get a faintly incredulous sneer from the NYers.
So if your ONE factor in determining where to move is the reaction of the NY snobs, then yes, don't move, because some people will assume you are nebby and out of it.
Hopefully, this isn't the single most important factor in your decision. As others enumerated, there are huge and vast benefits to OOT life. Affordable housing, huge lawns, friendly neighbors, tolerance, PARKING SPOTS!
There are some downsides, of course. I miss my family terribly. No way around that - it sucks. We make every effort to come in for yomim tovim and simchos so our kids know their cousins and have relationships - so far, it's been working out well, as whenever the cousins get together they have a great time together without going through the awkward-who-is-this-stranger phase.
Another downside is sometimes you do need more options. Politics in the school bothering you? There may not be another school to switch to, or the one other option is not a good option. Small town politics can consume you, whereas in NY, you can just ignore it and switch shuls/schools/neighborhoods (if it comes to that).
Singles often do move to NY - but that is hard on them sometimes. Let's not be so dismissive of the extra challenge OOTer have with respect to shidduchim. We also send our son to high school in-town, and we miss him terribly (although I can't say for certain we wouldn't send him away if we lived in NY anyway). These are real concerns.
So - there are legitimate pros and cons to OOT life, but dear, your friends' reactions really shouldn't play a role. |
I could have written this!!!!
I love the way my kids are growing up, mainly not considering people 'nebby'!!
The best part of leaving NY has been the fact that no body is judging who has the most fashionable or ridiculously expensive things!
I hope my kids marry people who are not looking at OOTers as inferior people! More likely they will not want to marry people who feel their better than others!
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Ema of 5
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Wed, May 25 2016, 6:42 pm
| amother wrote: | Ok, so when I say we are far from family I don't mean 1.5 hours, but 15 hours. Ostensibly you see each other not just on Pesach but Shabbos Chanuka, Shavuos, Thanksgiving, random legal holidays when kids are off ,etc. etc.
OP, moving OOT has many wonderful advantages, but truly has downsides as well = like everything in life! |
My point is that my kids are perfectly fine not being near their cousins. I grew up with no cousins living in my state, and we are still very close anyway. We saw each other MAYBE once a year. If you don't have blood family nearby, friends can "take their place."
Everything has downsides, even living in NY....
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facebooknyny
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Wed, May 25 2016, 7:50 pm
| amother wrote: | | I grew up in Brooklyn and have been living OOT for 12 years. You couldn't pay me enough money to move back there! I live in what would probably fall under "small OOT"-we have a mikvah, a day school, a boy's yeshiva and a girl's HS, 4+ options for minyanim, but we only have one quasi-restaurant. The quality of life living in OOT is priceless. We were able to buy our own home only 2 1/2 year after we got married without borrowing any money. The pace of life is just so beautiful. As other posters have said, there's no "keeping up with the Jones'". There are plenty of shiurim and chessed opportunities as well. Everyone is friends despite level of observance. There's no one policing every move, no "contracts" to sign about television and internet before being accepted to a school. My children have learned tolerance as well as strengthened our own frumkeit even more so because we live OOT. I say go for it if that's what you want, and who cares about what other people think! I think that when it comes time for shidduchim IYH I would probably be biased in the sense that I'd rather my boys go out with OOT girls then Brooklyn girls (although I'd like to think that I will be open minded enough to overlook location, after all I did grow up in Brooklyn but couldn't wait to leave). Either way you chose hatzlacha with your decision. |
Wow your community sounds great !
Can I ask where you live ?
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Hashem_Yaazor
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Wed, May 25 2016, 8:38 pm
| 5mom wrote: | If your friends say things like that, get out of town fast! It may even be too late.
By the way, Cincinnati had a shul in 1824. The first shul in Brooklyn was founded in 1869. |
The main frum school in Cincinnati is in its 70th year....
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amother
Maroon
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Wed, May 25 2016, 8:47 pm
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It is great. There are some identifying facts in my post but since I'm amother I guess it doesn't really matter. I'm in Rochester.
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mommyfirst
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Wed, May 25 2016, 11:35 pm
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Just for the record , many of us who live in NY are very not "new yorky," a term which I find obnoxiously narrow minded, especially for an open minded OOTer.
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facebooknyny
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Wed, May 25 2016, 11:36 pm
| amother wrote: | | It is great. There are some identifying facts in my post but since I'm amother I guess it doesn't really matter. I'm in Rochester. |
Don't mean to high jack the thread -
But how are winters in Rochester ?
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amother
Scarlet
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Wed, May 25 2016, 11:37 pm
| amother wrote: | | It is great. There are some identifying facts in my post but since I'm amother I guess it doesn't really matter. I'm in Rochester. |
Don't mean to high jack the thread -
But how are winters in Rochester ?
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mazal555
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Thu, May 26 2016, 12:40 am
| amother wrote: | thank..... interesting whta you saying but you never heard of someone say oh she from ______ how nebby or she probably very out of it...
also am I wrong to say there are 2 types of oot communities,
eg miami, detriot out of town but very strong and built up
and then there is cincinatti, south bend those really new communities?? |
Why do you care what people like that think of you?
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