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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts
How much do you spend on gifts?



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Pita




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 27 2016, 2:03 pm
We have been invited to lots of bar/bat mitzvahs lately. I don't know how much to give/spend. Does it depend on whether I write a check or send something more tangible? How many people are coming? After all, the child is not paying for the party, so it doesn't make sense to tie the gift to the number of guests, or does it? Do you give more if you are going to the party as well rather than just the Shabbat AM service?

The same question goes for weddings. Do I give more if I am coming with the kids than if it is just me or me and DH?

And how much to spend is normal? If I find a nice gift, but it is less than I would give in a check, is that ok?
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cm




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 27 2016, 4:41 pm
It's all over the map.

As a parent of a bat mitzvah not too long ago, I noticed that the cash gifts ranged from around $20 to multiple-hundreds, and the amount did not necessarily correlate with the giver's apparent affluence or closeness of relationship.

Some people prefer to give jewelry or seforim, and it can be difficult for the recipient to estimate the cash value of those gifts, so I don't know how they compare to the cash gifts.

Summary: give what you feel comfortable with and don't worry about what other people do. I personally prefer to give and receive cash, but others feel as strongly to give books/jewelry/Judaica. Don't stress too much about the cash value of the gift. I don't think the type or size of celebration is relevant.

When children are invited to each other's bar/bat mitzvahs without the parents, a kid-sized gift (such as they would give one another for a regular birthday) is appropriate.

I hope this helps!
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Pita




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 27 2016, 4:45 pm
Yes, thank you!
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