Favorite children | Imamother

amother

Gold

Mon, May 30 2016, 7:04 pm

Do you have one? How do you make sure it doesn't show? Is it the end of the world if the kids know if you show adequate love and attention to the rest?

I have a bunch of kids, Baruch Hashem, I love all of them infinity and a million, to the sky and back, but I just have a certain click with one of them. My husband has a different on that he clicks best with.

Growing up, I always knew my brother was my mother's favorite and my sister was my father's favorite. Then we all grew up, and whaddaya know, I am now my mother's favorite! I don't think this bothered me growing up because I still was very obviously loved.

mommy3b2c

Mon, May 30 2016, 9:27 pm

What does having a favorite child mean? That you like their personality better? That they are easier? That you love them more?

It is not okay to love one child more than the other. It is okay to prefer one personality over the other, as long as you don't show it. It is NEVER okay to show any sort of favoritism. Even if the other kids know you love them too.

amother

Orange

Tue, May 31 2016, 7:16 am

It's nice that you grew up feeling loved even though you knew you were not the favorite child of either parent.

However, it doesn't always work out so nicely. If you show your children that you have a favorite child, you are setting them up for disaster.

I know two sisters who won't speak to each other- Ad hayom hazeh- because the second sister was the favorite child of their mother. And they are in their forties already.

Chayalle

Tue, May 31 2016, 8:37 am

amother wrote:

I have one child- the most beautiful girl in the world! I always wonder if I'll love any subsequent children as much as I love her. I think she'll always have the special-est place in my heart

I remember feeling this way about my oldest. I loved her so much, that when I was pg with my 2nd I wondered if I'll love her so much too, and was a bit scared, actually, if it would be fair to her....but no fears! She came along and won my heart all by herself, and I found out a big, huge truth: Love is unlimited. It's like the ocean - there's no end to it. You can love, and love, and love. You just have to keep on making the effort, and you will tap into love. It's awesome.

Each of my girls are my favorite. Let's see.

I love DD#1. She's so capable and responsible. She's my right hand, and she has such good ideas. She and I share alot - we have a certain point of connection. She's the one that talks to me the most, and we explore so many concepts together. She's very self-aware, and she has pushed me to be so, too.

I love DD#2. She's a breath of fresh air. Such a sense of humor, so delightfully funny it sometimes masks a certain sharpness and depth that lurks beneath the surface. She's not as much a talker as her older sister, so I love going for walks with her, where she tends to open up more. Getting to know her and connect with her is a treat. She is such a sweet kid, so easy to love.

I love DD#3. What a character! Hashem surely knew our house needed a bit of topsy-turvy when he sent her into it. She says the funniest things, and does the funniest things - she's a riot. She forces us to keep up with her endless energy, which is good for us. I'm so grateful to have her. Such a ball of fun.

If you have a favorite child, it means it's time to put more effort into getting to know what you might find to be favorite about your other children. And it will be well worth it!

Lady Godiva

Tue, May 31 2016, 9:52 am

If you happen to favor one child over the others, keep it to yourself and don't make a big deal about it.
There's going to be a more charming child, an easier child, a more cooperative child... and if one child is all of the above it will be natural to feel like you prefer (to deal with) him/her over the others. But it's your job as a a mom to make sure that each of your children feel special, cherished and loved by you.