Inviting Back | Imamother

tichellady

Sat, Jun 04 2016, 9:32 pm

amother wrote:

That's a little petty. We've been invited for some meals but I haven't invited back because having guests is stressful for me, even if it's only two people. I rarely have guests. Most of the people who have invited us have guests every week. I always appreciate when people invite us and enjoy it but it's too hard for me to reciprocate.

If hosting guests for a Shabbat meal is too stressful then invite them for a potluck or to do something fun with you or for a game or movie night or something- if you are interested in a friendship with them. Otherwise you are sending a message that you are not really interested in investing in a friendship.

amother

Goldenrod

Sun, Jun 05 2016, 5:11 am

amother wrote:

All of you who don't invite back should know that its not right. Its stressful and a lot of work to have company for all of us, but part of the social contract is that barring unusual circumstances you should reciprocate invites. Otherwise it sends the message that you dont like or appreciate your hosts.

Even though it is a lot of work for everyone, some people love to do it and do it anyways almost every week. Some people also have more help and an easier time entertaining. I've done many things for people and haven't even been thanked definitely haven't been reciprocated for it. As long as the people you had over are friendly with you later and still seem to be interested in your friendship, it means they appreciated the gesture and enjoyed your company. Would you prefer that they decline your invite and say, you know what, I'm not going to come to you for a meal because I don't think I'll be able to reciprocate?

amother

Goldenrod

Sun, Jun 05 2016, 5:14 am

tichellady wrote:

Yes this I agree with. You can show them you are interested in other ways.

MamaBear

Sun, Jun 05 2016, 8:57 am

Though some people are clearly overwhelmed by guests and some are the exact opposite, most people fall somewhere in the middle. And if I invite one of those families over more than once without a reciprocal invite, I then no longer invite them.

Shabbos is a labor of love. It's "hard work" to prepare, handle the kids while the men are in shul, setup and serve meals etc etc Few people find it truly easy. If I put in that effort for other families, I do expect it to eventually be reciprocated or at least for the wife to say to me, "Thank you so much for being so hospitable. Things are crazy right now, but I do hope to have you over one day."

Delores

Sun, Jun 05 2016, 10:09 am

amother wrote:

Would you prefer that they decline your invite and say, you know what, I'm not going to come to you for a meal because I don't think I'll be able to reciprocate?

This is a very important point. I personally would never want people to turn down my invitation because they can't reciprocate. I wonder what others would answer to this question.