Help with Consequences

saw50st8

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 10:01 am

I got a phone call from my husband as I was getting to work this morning. My (just about) 5 year old DD opened the child lock on the window in her room and climbed onto the roof!!!!! She claimed that my 6 year old DS told her to and also climbed onto the roof. He denied it, but neither my husband nor I believed him because he's been lying a lot recently. He finally broke down and admitted that he did go on also, but not as far as she did.

I'm at a loss as to what consequences to give them.

I'm really angry at both of them for going out on the roof, knowing that it's dangerous and for DS for lying about it.

Here's what's on my list so far:

DD is scheduled to have her birthday party in 2 weeks and I'm tempted to cancel it.

DS can no longer leave his bedroom before 7 am unless it's to use the bathroom and then go right back. He can read in his bed if he wakes up early (which he does).

I'm thinking about making them sleep in the basement where the windows go to ground level.

I'm also thinking of making DS and DD watch videos of people falling off roofs and seeing what happens to them. I don't want to traumatize them, but I want them to understand how stupid and dangerous this is.

Looking for advice on how to deal with the kids. We will deal with the windows ourselves.

saw50st8

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 10:20 am

bigbird wrote:

I wouldn't cancel the party. Consequences should be a natural consequence of their behaviour, hence the name consequences.

The natural consequence of going on the roof is the possibility of falling off the roof. Should I push my children off the roof so they understand the gravity of what they did???

I also didn't specify natural consequences. Not all consequences are natural. Sometimes they are just a reaction to what happened. Kids who behave like they are growing up get to celebrate aging. Kids who don't behave like they are growing up, get to sit home and think about how they should be behaving.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 10:23 am

How terrifying! Kids have absolutely no sense of danger (and it only gets worse when they are teens, and think they are immortal). It's so hard to stay calm when kids do dumb stuff, isn't it?

The only thing you can really do is to make sure that they are safe. Put a better lock on the window, for starters.

Sleeping in the basement might be a good option. Tell them that because they are not behaving in a safe way upstairs, that you need to put them in a safe bedroom. Do NOT make it a punishment, but just state that you are doing this because it is your job as a parent to make sure that they don't get hurt. Let them know that when they are old enough to be responsible, they can move back upstairs.

Let them know that you are not really mad, but you are worried about them because you love them, and you would be very sad if they got hurt. Don't mention dying CVS, because kids that age have no concept of it. They do, however, know what it feels like to get hurt.

My mom always said that old age doesn't cause gray hair - children do!

yo'ma

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 10:26 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

Sleeping in the basement might be a good option. Tell them that because they are not behaving in a safe way upstairs, that you need to put them in a safe bedroom. Do NOT make it a punishment, but just state that you are doing this because it is your job as a parent to make sure that they don't get hurt. Let them know that when they are old enough to be responsible, they can move back upstairs.

This is exactly what I was thinking and this is a consequence for the action, in a way.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 10:28 am

amother wrote:

Sounds like it's the parents who need a consequence. The roof should not be that easily accessible.

Judgmental much? I'm sure the parents had no idea the lock on the window could be opened so easily. They must have gotten the scare of their lives!

G-d forbid you should have a kid do something that was unpredictable.

saw50st8

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 10:29 am

amother wrote:

Sounds like it's the parents who need a consequence. The roof should not be that easily accessible.

I was waiting for something sanctimonious like this! And you didn't even have the guts to use your name. Rolling Eyes

I'm sure you think the parents of the kid who got into the gorilla pen should be prosecuted huh?

saw50st8

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 10:31 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

The problem with putting them in the basement is that one of my kids is really scared of it and being too far from us might terrify her.

Any ideas about how to deal with DS lying?

amother

Violet

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 10:36 am

saw50st8 wrote:

I was waiting for something sanctimonious like this! And you didn't even have the guts to use your name. Rolling Eyes

I'm sure you think the parents of the kid who got into the gorilla pen should be prosecuted huh?

Not at all. Any kid could've hopped that gate in a second.

I'm just astounded by how extreme you want to go with your consequences.

saw50st8

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 10:41 am

amother wrote:

Not at all. Any kid could've hopped that gate in a second.

I'm just astounded by how extreme you want to go with your consequences.

If you are astounded by my consequences why didn't you start with that? I think the consequences I've laid out are harsh, but not extreme. What makes them extreme?

MagentaYenta

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 10:45 am

My DD was five when I found her up 40 ft in a pine tree. I took away one weeks pottery lesson which for her was an impact, she adored that class.

I'm torn on the subject of child proof locks on second stories. My dad was a volunteer fireman I guess I've carried that with me all my life.

Last edited by MagentaYenta on Tue, Jun 07 2016, 11:06 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 10:51 am

I think showing them videos of people who fall off the roof might be a good idea. Maybe taking them to a rehab center for people who are partially paralyzed might also work.

Run it by a child educator first. I am no expert.

I will say that when my 5 year old daughter would not stop running in the street and she thought it was funny I took my car and ran over a china doll to show her what happens to things that get hit by cars. She never did it again. (I'm ready for the rotten tomatoes but it did work and I kept her safe. nothing else worked)

amother

Violet

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 10:56 am

saw50st8 wrote:

If you are astounded by my consequences why didn't you start with that? I think the consequences I've laid out are harsh, but not extreme. What makes them extreme?

First of all, it's a lot of consequences for one action.

You want to:

a) cancel a birthday party
b) send them to sleep in the basement
c) not let them out of bed in the mornings
d) make them watch videos of people falling off roofs.

You're also angry that DS lied and want to punish separately for that.

Try to remember that your kids are 5 and 6. That's very young!

Kids lie. Especially when they're scared of getting into trouble. Which kid wouldn't lie in this situation?

They did do something wrong, and should get some sort of punishment or consequence, but not four!

Cancelling the birthday party has nothing to do with this. A birthday party only happens once a year, kids look forward to it for months, what do you think you'll gain by cancelling? That's exactly the kind of thing kids look back on with resentment years later.

Making them watch videos of people falling off roofs - how did you even come up with that? That's awful!

Sleeping in the basement or staying in bed until a parent is up are the only ones that make any sense. I would choose one, but also with a time limit. ie. for the next 2 weeks, or whatever.

mha3484

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 10:57 am

I did something similar. DS kept putting toys in his mouth so I had the pediatrician explain to him exactly what happens when you swallow a lego in detail and we watched curious George goes to the hospital. It decreased significantly.

We also discuss the idea of the boy who cried wolf regularly because hes super impulsive and needs to understand if you lie they might not believe you the next time.

glamourmom

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 11:02 am

maybe you can try what above amother did and throw down a china doll from the roof to show them what occurs. it's less frightful then a video of actual people falling and hopefully will make an impact on them without the intense fear. you don't want to give them nightmares....

amother

Olive

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 12:08 pm

mha3484 wrote:

Kids putting toys in their mouth is usually stemming from a sensory need which can be addressed through sensory integration.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jun 07 2016, 12:19 pm

When DD wanted to let go of my hand while crossing the road, I would point out to her where animals have gotten run over. It was really scary and gross, but it stopped her in her tracks. She did not want to end up looking like a squished squirrel. Sad

The kid 40 feet up in the tree made me LOL (sorry, I know you were scared). Maybe she was an adventurous kitten in a previous life! You really do have to look back at the stuff kids do, and be amazed that any of us live so long.

Back to the basement issue. If you decorate a bit and put in a nightlight, would that work? You could use a baby monitor so that they can communicate without you having to go up and down the stairs so much.