How much should the gift be?

amother

Magenta

Wed, Jun 08 2016, 3:46 pm

Hi ladies,

I grew up oot and am not sure how much to give for this wedding. DH says $200 each total $400 to cover ourselves but that sounds very high to me.
Wedding will be at 770.
Of course we want to cover ourselves but no idea how much a seat should cost in brooklyn? Please advise. I am just looking for an answer not a debate on whether guests should cover the cost of their seats.

Anon because I am embarrassed not to know and have asked around, I have a suspicion a few friends are on immamother

amother

Emerald

Wed, Jun 08 2016, 3:54 pm

Is your husband by any chance Israeli? The covering your plate thing is Israeli, it's not at all expected in America. It's perfectly acceptable here to show up with a 10 dollar glass bowl as a gift.

Belle

Wed, Jun 08 2016, 5:28 pm

We generally give $100 if we both go, $75 if only one of us goes. For good friends we either give more, or get a more expensive gift. With so many people getting married, B"H it would be unaffordable for us to give more than that for every wedding.

Rachel Shira

Wed, Jun 08 2016, 6:38 pm

That is a huge gift for someone who's not a close relative or something like that (or maybe you are?). Nobody covers their plate here. Even if you did, you could probably estimate less than $100 for both of you.
I would give $180 (of course if you're condortable giving more, that's very generous of you).

eta that $180 is really still more than you need to give - $100 or $75 would be fine too.
And if you want to give less, buy a few things from their registry and you come across as very generous and it only could be $50 or less.

Wed, Jun 08 2016, 6:57 pm

The cost of catering varies dramatically from one community to another in the US, and should not be part of the decision. Give whatever you are comfortable giving.

fbmommy

Wed, Jun 08 2016, 8:52 pm

I think that covering your meal is more accepted among the non Jewish world.
I don't think anyone besides for grandparents gave us more than $360, and that was from very wealthy guests.
It generally costs between$30-40 a plate unless it is a very fancy wedding, so $100 should def cover it if you are looking to do that anyways.

Ruchel

Fri, Jun 10 2016, 10:56 am

Covering the plate sounds petty, like you have to apologize for being invited or something... 100 dollars is HUGE, I wouldn't spend so much on my best friend, nor did mine spend this on me. Give what you want, just give.

amother

Lime

Fri, Jun 10 2016, 5:18 pm

In my community everybody gives whatever they're comfortable giving - $18, $36, $54. We got $100 or more only from relatives or from rich people.

amother

Lime

Fri, Jun 10 2016, 5:20 pm

I forgot to include that some people also give 0. I know that when I got married I didn't expect anybody to give so was happy with whatever they gave.

amother

Natural

Fri, Jun 10 2016, 5:35 pm

It would depend on the type of community.

Since you said it was in 770 I'm assuming Lubavitch.
101 is the norm
180 is very generous

In some communities 180 is the norm.
Unless it's the Rabbi's family then the people may give a little more.

Talking about customs of covering the plate.
Moroccan people have a custom to give 2 checks, 1 to the bride and groom as a present, and 1 for the parents to help with the wedding expenses.
I'm not Morrocan, but when DD got married, all our Morrocan friends sent 2 checks. Checks ranged from 54-360. This was so thoughtful, and very much appreciate.

DrMom

Mon, Jun 13 2016, 1:35 am

Totally depends on the community. You'd get a more useful answer if you can find some discreet way to ask another invitee who is in the know.

Raisin

Mon, Jun 13 2016, 7:17 pm

People have the chuppa at 770, dinners and kabolos panim are in another hall in crown heights. (there are only 2 halls) Cost per seat depends on what caterer people are using. I have no idea what current gift trends are in CH but $400 sounds very high to me. I would think $200 is VERY generous. I can't imagine people spend more then maybe $50 per plate but I have no idea.

amother

Magenta

Mon, Jun 13 2016, 11:35 pm

Op here,
Thank you so much ladies! Will discuss all the good advise with dh but the wedding looks much more affordable now.