Must we buy a gift as well?

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Sapphire

Tue, Jun 14 2016, 8:36 am

We very recently flew to Israel to attend a friend's wedding, I'm not going to sugar coat it... we really couldn't afford it!!! but because the couple marrying were disabled, we felt we really had to go and support them. The chassan relies on my husband an enormous amount for moral support, his kallah wouldn't have known anyone at the wedding if I wasn't there.

They have a gift registry but the items left are out of our budget especially after our astronomical airfares. We also have very little money to give if we were offering money, and the couple are BH very wealthy so a very small amount of money seems silly.

Anyway, I told my husband that us being at the wedding was our gift (does that sound stingy? Wink

). He believes that we should still send a wedding gift. The couple are now back home and we are hosting them this shabbos. If we are to give them a gift, time is of the essence... to give? Or are we yotzeh?

PAMOM

Tue, Jun 14 2016, 8:42 am

You did a wonderful thing by going! If your husband is uncomfortable, could you make a contribution in their honor somewhere? If you give them something, how will they get it back to Israel? Or, if he really wants to give a "thing" and you're hosting them, how about a picture frame and you have someone take a picture of the 4 of you this weekend?

Rachel Shira

Tue, Jun 14 2016, 8:45 am

^^
If you feel the need to give anything, a small token like that is enough. You went to their wedding, you're hosting them for Shabbos, you give them emotional support... Some gifts aren't tangible but are definitely gifts.

amother

Slategray

Tue, Jun 14 2016, 9:02 am

I think your presence was present enough but maybe I'm cheap? I REALLY don't think it's necessary. Especially if they are wealthy.

amother

Sapphire

Tue, Jun 14 2016, 9:12 am

Ah thank you other mommies. It's what I thought as well but my husbands thinking made me need some other perspectives. Smile

Dandelion1

Tue, Jun 14 2016, 9:17 am

I agree with pa mom, if you feel a token gift is in order, that it can be something meaningful rather than costly...a beautiful framed picture of you and them? If you have such a picture?

Shuly

Tue, Jun 14 2016, 11:43 am

Can you get them a plaque for their door that say _____ Family?
I don't know how much they cost in America, but that's a really nice gift for a new couple.

Miri7

Tue, Jun 14 2016, 11:49 am

I agree with the other posters. Something tangible that they can have in their home to remind you of your special bond. Here it's really the sentimenta value - they need your emotional, not financial support.

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