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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts
I love giving gifts-But would also like to get



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amother
Amber


 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 2:32 pm
It's great that we can share in each others milestones, affairs and joys and I am grateful. I just feel that it's only fair that I should also get back.
Here's the thing.
I have girls only and not a big family. I got a gift when they were born and that's about it. My oldest is gonna be 15.
Meanwhile I keep giving gifts for every occasion my nephews reach. Vachnachts, Pidyon Haben, Upsherin, Bar Mitzvahs and boruch Hashem it's not cheap.

Why shouldn't my girls get gifts for when they reach their milestones.
My inlaws and parents get them gifts for major milestones like Bas Mitzvah and graduation, but I'm talking about my siblings. I've probably spent close to $1000 just for gifts through the years, and would appreciate getting something too.
I don't want to seem or become resentful, and not sure how to deal with this. Just accept that Boys have more milestones in our society so they'll automatically get gifts, and just deal with it?
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pond user




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 2:53 pm
In my experience, if you throw a party you'll receive a gift. I am from a family of gift givers, every child and adult celebrates their birthday with a family and close friends party. We all receive and give gifts for each occasion. No one notices if you forget though because we often just buy things in groups that the person really wants and split the cost. Sometimes we spend more and sometimes less - it depends on our current budget.

Yes, at my nephew's bar mitzvah he will receive a special gift, but my niece's bat mitzvah is just as important. In fact my husband and I decided to take her shopping and allow her to choose her own gift up the predecided value ( about the same amount we plan to spend of the bar mitzvah boys). As for boys and their bris, newborns all receive a gift of similar value. We all pitch in to cook and bake for the bris but we do the same for a girl when her kiddush arrives. There doesn't have to be a difference but you have to create the opportunity of celebration in order to receive the gifts. Make the keli so to speak.
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cm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 3:32 pm
On the one hand, I understand. My family is pretty diverse, and in general, the "frummer" relatives tend to downplay bat mitzvahs.

On the other hand, you sound exceptionally generous. I have never heard of giving a vachnacht gift. Yes, there's a bris for boys, but the gifts are usually regular baby gifts, and IME there are plenty of those for girls, too. Same for an upsherin; if you invite family to your daughter's third birthday, they will bring a little something for the birthday girl. Most boys don't have a pidyon haben. For those who do, close relatives may mark the occasion with a check, but I don't think most people are giving the same boy three substantial gifts in one month.
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 3:54 pm
I would not give more then one baby gift to a baby boy, no matter how many parties he has.

Did you not invite your siblings to your daughters bas mitzva? Its odd that they didn't give them gifts in that case. If you didn't make a big bas mitzva you saved a boat load of money so don't stress too much.

If you are resentful, stop buying gifts. Or get token gifts. An upsherin boy does not need an expensive gift.
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amother
Linen


 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2016, 7:16 pm
I find that it all evens out. I buy all babies one baby gift. My nephews then get something for the upsherin, chumash seuda and bar mitzva. My nieces get for their preschool, elementary and high school graduations.
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