How do u bring ruchnius into your home?

busymom

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 1:30 am

Since my kids were little, I teach halachos mostly through demonstration and spend most Jewish-related cinversations on building their relationship with Hashem. Specifically, I point out to my kids how Hashem loves us and is looking out for them, and show how I ask Him for help:
"Wow, isn't it great how xyz happened?? Hashem was really looking out for you!"
"I know you'll do great on stage. And I'll ask Hashem to help you stay confident and calm."

This is daily conversation from when they were little and they now do the same. "Gosh, Ma, Hashem totally loves me! I kept pushing off that assignment and didn't get it done for today. And then just when my teacher was going to collect it, xyz happened and she said she'll collect the papers tomorrow."
One daughter in particular (high schooler!) is very expressive about all her amazing coincidents and how much Hashem loves her, and her friends always joke how things always work out for her in incredible ways. Smile

(And they really do! Because I think when we acknowledge these little "winks," He says, "Ah, she's paying attention. I'll keep 'em coming!")

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 1:59 am

For love of yiddishkeit, I try to implement Pirkei Avos ideas into daily episodes. Like for eizehu gibor I show them my strong muscles and that this is what I use when I really wouldn't do something but because it's a mitzvah, I do it. They feel empowered to be in control of themselves. I then hug and kiss them for being sooo strong.
For Torah, I begin when they start learning the Alef Beis. From the letters and nekidos they learn, I create words they know and later on sentences. They become fascinated with what they know. As soon as they are ready, I look through pesukim to find songs and phrases they know from before learning Alef Beis. They become attached to it as a result of familiarity. The attachment stays, because we build on what the kids already know, and keep it in a positive light all the time. I never tell them about punishment that can happen if they don't obey; I leave that for the strict unpleasant people in life they will encounter naturally. They can sometimes come home upset or scared about what a teacher/rebbe said about being punished. I make sure to be the good loving person in their life and tell them that anyway they are well behaved, so the punishment doesn't apply to them. They surely don't want to misbehave for a few reasons. 1- we're best friends and they don't want to disappoint me. 2- after being used to behaving well, that's what feels natural. 3- what they heard about punishment in the world to come scares them so much that they'd rather stay well -behaved, and not try otherwise.
Warm Tefillos every morning that I should have the right words and mehalech for my challenging children.

amother

Purple

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 2:36 am

We make sure to show excitement about doing mitzvahs, especially ones that we do only occasionally. When we had a deck built and put a fence around it, dh did some of the work himself and read the pasuk about maakeh.

I think it worked. When our son went to the army, he called home all excited. Guess what mitzvah I got to do? Apparently when they do field exercises, the army gives them a shovel to cover their poop.

I can see why parents go the "Hashem loves me" route, but I wouldn't. If something bad happens, do we want our children to think that Hashem hates them?

busymom

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 9:24 am

amother wrote:

I can see why parents go the "Hashem loves me" route, but I wouldn't. If something bad happens, do we want our children to think that Hashem hates them?

The relationship I helped my children build with Hashem is one of the greatest gifts I've given to them as a parent imo. Sure, their lives aren't perfect, but it's easier to believe "I don't understand why Hashem did this but I'm sure there's a good reason," when you already feel loved and cared for.
One summer, dd registered to attend a specific camp because she wanted to reconnect with a girl she'd spent a previous summer together with. A week before camp started, her bff from school registered too. This is tween age girls and my dd freaked out. She didn't want the pressure of having to be with her bff and had hoped to have time to continue developing this other friendship. She was really upset and carrying on. Turns out, that other kid ended up joining a clique with some snobby kids and dd and her bff really brought their friendship to a new level that summer. So I told her, "See, you were so upset that she was joining, but Hashem was taking care of you. It was the refuah before the makkah. Now you got to see why sth upsetting was really great within a matter of weeks, but sometimes we get upset and don't understand until years later why something was for our benefit..."
When it's an ongoing conversation like that, kids don't think Hashem hates them c"v just bc something goes wrong.

amother

Amethyst

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 9:32 am

Your home should be a very happy loving one - every mitzva should be done bsimcha shabbos and yomtov preparations always including the kids when making challah they can make their own when shopping let them pick out something lkovod shabbos etc. Also always showing love and gratitude to Hashem

the world's best mom

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 9:43 am

amother wrote:

I can see why parents go the "Hashem loves me" route, but I wouldn't. If something bad happens, do we want our children to think that Hashem hates them?

Absolutely not.

The first step has to be to appreciate the obvious good Hashem gives us and to acknowledge that it comes from Him and yes, it is because He loves us. The next step can only come once this is ingrained in a person. That's why we need to drill it into our kids.

Everyone experiences hardships in life. If someone doesn't attribute any of it to Hashem, then what explanation do they have for it? That Hashem has no control over the occurrences in this world?

Instead, we try to build our way up to the next level, which is not always so easy. That is the belief that even the things that seem bad are really good for us and they are also signs that Hashem loves us. Unfortunately, not everyone reaches that stage.

return2You

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 9:56 am

Authenticity.

Kids can smell when your faking enthusiasm from ten miles away. I sure did growing up.
I'm very honest with my kids, sharing my struggles. ( age appropriate struggles only of course)
I Keep reinforcing to them that although we're not perfect, Hashem sees how hard we are trying and he loves us for it.

Idont go for the fakey positive self righteousness. Screams sheker.

if there's a mitzvah I love ( preparing for shabbos) I make sure to show my excitement.

amother

Purple

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 12:51 pm

busymom wrote:

That's far more sophisticated than "I was running late but made the bus, Hashem loves me."

PinkFridge

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 12:55 pm

amother wrote:

That's far more sophisticated than "I was running late but made the bus, Hashem loves me."

But in a framework of knowledge that Hashem loves us, then a child can be mekabel the more sophisticated message, even at a young age.
And your example about the bus: sure, we should see the hashgacha pratis in everything, but "the Hashem loves me" messages we should be living with are along the lines of, what a beautiful world He made, look at the sky (you don't need a clear blue sky for that; think of the smog in China and you can be grateful for fresh air anywhere in the first world); look at the good food He created that we have in our house; look at the whole infrastructure of distribution of food starting with the farmer (ever notice how much of our lives revolves around food? Seriously); the games He gave humans the wisdom and creativity to design, and us the money to buy them, etc., etc.

amother

Purple

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 1:01 pm

I agree that pointing out the glories of creation is a beautiful way to increase awareness and gratitude. I was objecting to tying all good experiences to Hashem's love. Cause in that case there's no way to avoid "I missed the bus, Hashem hates me." And if chas ve-chalila there's a real tragedy you've set the child up for disappointment. Just when he most needs Hashem, he will feel most alienated.

PinkFridge

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 1:05 pm

amother wrote:

If a parent says no to a child, and the child either knows the reason or trusts the parent enough that s/he doesn't need a reason every time the parent says no, a child will be able to process when Hashem doesn't follow our script.

IIRC, Rav Hirsch says that parents shouldn't say no unless necessary, and that it should be in a spirit of understanding why the parent says no, as much as possible. If a parent is generally loving and logical then a child will be able to be mekable the inevitable noes in life.

observer

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 1:07 pm

As one of the most fundamental principles of Yiddishkeit, I try to build a constant awareness of Hashem and instill the concepts that Hashem loves us more than we can ever imagine and everything He does is for our best, even if we can't understand it.

Some practical things I do-

-speak to Hashem out loud in front of my children, for big things and for small: "Hashem, please make sick person better", "Hashem, please help me find a parking spot", "Hashem please make so and so's cut on her finger feel better"

-Thank Hashem for things, again, both big and small. If we read a book about sight, I might add "Thank you Hashem for giving us healthy eyes that can see well", and the kids mimic this. Or, "Thank you Hashem for helping me find the spice I was looking for in the store"

-Tell them how much Hashem loves them.

-If something frustrating or disappointing happens to me, I say "I know this was for the best. I don't understand why, but I know it is because everything Hashem does is for the best".

The kids really pick up on this and start doing this too. As I pull into a spot, my 3 year old will pipe up from the back seat "Thank you, Hashem, for helping us find a parking spot". My 5 year old came home from school with a scrape and said "I know Hashem did it for a good reason, but I don't know why. When moshiach comes, I will find out why".

morningsickness

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 1:22 pm

We really love shabbos in our house. My husband loves shabbos and the chagim, and he has shown me by example how to love them too. We buy the kiddies special treats for shabbos, talk all week about how we are looking forward to shabbos. We try to spend more time together as a family on shabbos.
My husband does all the preps for the chagim with a lot of Simcha and heartfelt emotion. He loves sittng in the Sukka, just hlding his 4 minim. Kids pick up on these kinds of things.

I learned in sem that we parents must make yiddishkeit as fun as possible for our little kids.