Spinoff--Aisenstark working mothers article

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Jun 16 2016, 9:39 am

Honestly, I am a SAHM. If I was told I could not continue to get a tuition reduction, and I'd have to either get a job and pay in full or pull my kids out of school, I would pull my kids out. It would be devastating for all of us, but leaving the kids with a babysitter while I work would be more so.

saw50st8

Thu, Jun 16 2016, 10:26 am

amother wrote:

That's a rough decision that most of us have to make. I just don't understand how people (without extenuating circumstances) justify living off the backs of others.

HonesttoGod

Thu, Jun 16 2016, 10:33 am

amother wrote:

What is devastating about this?
Besides for the fact that your kids will no longer be in school but why is it "devastating" for kids to be by a babysitter?

Devastating is 50 people being shot dead in Orlando
Devastating is the death of a young mother leaving behind several kids
Devastating is a flash flood that wipes out half a town or a fire that wipes out half a city.

Leaving your kids by a babysitter? maybe not your first choice but most definitely not devastating.

Chayalle

Thu, Jun 16 2016, 10:41 am

amother wrote:

I never kept track of how much of a break we got. I always imagined that when our youngest graduated the school would give us a paper that said mazel tov, here's how much you should pay back if you choose to. They didn't. I know we owe the school a LOT. I worked for the school over the years doing different things. One I did for give or get and at some point they offered it to me as a paying job. It used to be me for give or get and some other fantastic volunteers. But the volunteers dropped out and they decided that the only way to get it done was to pay one person as a job and change the hours.

I remember speaking to the principal when he offered me the contract. I was speechless and he asked me if there was a problem, if it was enough. I told him, for years I did this job for a fraction of what you're paying me. Now I know what it's worth to the school. I feel like I made a really big dent in our debt to the school. Baruch Hashem because I don't know how we would have done this otherwise!!!

I actually also try to help out by volunteering for some of the school functions - phone calls, set-up or clean-up, or sitting at a front table during the event selling raffles, chaperoning trips, etc...

amother

Mustard

Thu, Jun 16 2016, 10:42 am

amother wrote:

Being melodramatic much?

Why do you accept charity so easily?

Chayalle

Thu, Jun 16 2016, 10:42 am

amother wrote:

I also have a hard time understanding what's so devastating about leaving a child with a babysitter for a few hours a day, vs. taking kids out of school.

Fox

Thu, Jun 16 2016, 12:58 pm

Volunteer wrote:

I have observed that having a niche school for nearly every Jew in town breeds a cliqueish attitude. Our resources are spread pretty thinly. It's like living in New York, and getting a tax bill from all 50 states. You would say, "I'll pay for my own state if I must, but absolutely not the others, where my family does not live!" Likewise, we say, "I'll pay for my child's school if I must, but certainly not others, which serve some other segment of the Jewish population to which I do not belong!"

Absolutely! It's like the joke about the Jew on a desert island who built two shuls: "One he davens in and one he won't set foot in."

I don't believe the answer is necessarily fewer schools -- at least as long as there is sufficient enrollment. Rather, we need to develop the attitude that even the schools we disagree with are important for the community and Jewish continuity. But, of course, we are a stiff-necked people, and schools are a convenient proxy through which to fight about all kinds of things.

Just as taxpayers aren't offered the opportunity to pick and choose what they want to support ("I'll put in 75 cents to fix potholes and $15 for the police. If the Department of Defense wants a new aircraft carrier, they can hold a dinner!"), a large and vibrant Jewish community means sometimes paying for things you don't agree with.

I've often said on this site that wealth is a greater nisoyon than poverty. It certainly doesn't feel like that at the personal level. But this is a perfect example of how it is true at the communal level. The Jewish experience in America has given us lifestyles and freedoms that were unimaginable even a century ago. We could do a much better job of equitably supporting Jewish education, but it would mean looking at the big picture rather than squabbling.

amother wrote:

Does anyone know why more of an effort isn't made to get donations from people who got tuition breaks? Why don't rabbanim talk about the responsibility of those parents to give their maaser money to the schools that helped them out? Some might still not be able to pay but 'm sure many can?

Again, attitude and lack of imagination.

I've worked with a lot of Jewish schools over the years, and I think a big part is a "cycle of arrogance" that emerges.

The costs and demands of running a Jewish school involve constantly depending on support from big donors. Those donors feel pressured and often annoyed -- after all, most of them are trying to run businesses -- and sometimes they treat the school administrators condescendingly. The school administrators, like victims of abuse, turn around and behave nastily to parents or other community members.

That naturally sours people of modest means, so they become even less likely to support the school in the future. At the same time, the need to rely on major donors creates all kinds of opportunities for abuse, even at the classroom level, and the constant fawning over large donors increases their cynicism and disdain.

I am also flummoxed by the complete unwillingness of many schools to think creatively and critically about how they get money. Part of my job involves showing executive directors how to track data to see what fundraising methods work best for their particular schools. The percentage of executive directors who tell me flat-out, "I'm not interested in that" is staggering -- probably close to 90 percent. They're not necessarily acting out of stupidity: they report to boards who are so risk averse that they'd rather do something they know doesn't work than try something that might not work.

There are people who are trying to turn things around, such as George Hanus and the Superfund for Jewish Education, and in my community, the Kehillah Fund, which solicits monthly commitments and divides the money among member schools on a per capita basis. But they've got their work cut out for them!