Why don't people RSVP???

amother

Peach

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 2:49 pm

I am making a small simcha for my son and I don't understand why no one RSVPs! Not one family in my son's class has responded to the invite. Not one! And when I see them, they say something like, "Oh, I got your invite, how exciting!" But completely non-committal. How am I supposed to have any clue about how much food we need? I am extremely frustrated by this, and also just perplexed at how rude it is. Why?

boysrus

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 4:27 pm

that's so annoying. Now I know for definite that my son wasnt invited to your simcha, because I always rsvp as soon as he gives me the bar mitzvah invitations.... The only time I rsvp late is if he was given invitations in school, loses them and forgets all about it, htat's really embarrasing.

every time I have made a simcha, it is the same handful of people who dont rsvp and need to be chased up. Embarrassingly for them, it is always the principals of the school. I guess they re very busy, but it does not reflect well on them. It leaves me feeling disappointed.

amother

Navy

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 4:55 pm

Used to be that there were rsvp cards included... I sent those out right away. Now it seems that you are expected to go online and email the person. Its just one step removed and when I am at my computer I don't have the invitation with me, because it is tacked up on the bulletin board downstairs. So unless I am am able to copy down the person's email address on the spot and take it around with me.... its kind of a patchke and much less likely to happen I find.

ra_mom

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 5:00 pm

amother wrote:

I agree. I like to be courteous but only manage RSVPing via email when the invitation arrived via email. And the only way I manage RSVPing to a mailed invitation is if it came along with a pre addressed, pre posted envelope.

But if I didn't get to RSVP then I don't show up. If I able to then I'll stop by to say hi or Mazel Tov but won't stay without reservations.

Last edited by ra_mom on Wed, Jun 15 2016, 5:42 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 5:20 pm

sky wrote:

I"m embarrassed to be one. Part of my problem is I have no clue if I will be able to go until last minute.
What I've started doing is just sending back that they shouldn't reserve a seat for me but I will try to come.

That's a fair way to handle things.

Can I ask why you can't make plans in advance? Obviously, we can all have last-minute emergencies, but is there something unique about your situation? Is it something that people will understand? I think part of the joy for the baalei simcha is knowing that friends and family made an effort to come.

Anon because I recently had a conversation with someone else who says she just can't commit.

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 5:24 pm

I have another complaint, for so many wedding you need to RSVP by email lately.
Why can't they acknowledge the email??? Just so I know it was received properly.

I went to a wedding where we had no seating cards in the end ... def. sent the email... it was a bit embarasing - we actually just left.

animeme

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 5:29 pm

amother wrote:

I'm not sky, but I know that some people have home situations where sometimes they can get out and sometimes they can't. Maybe they have a baby who gets sick often, or a chronic health condition that can flare, or a husband with a very unpredictable schedule and difficulty finding or paying for babysitters.

Last edited by animeme on Wed, Jun 15 2016, 5:31 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Ruby

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 5:31 pm

I can totally understand the frustration, having just made my daughter a birthday party somewhere where space was limited so we really needed to know who was coming and if there was space for her to invite any friends who were not in her class. I ended up sending numerous reminders over the class WhatsApp group and then my daughter called the few who still didn't respond. And then of course there were people who said they'd come but never showed.

On the other hand, while we usually respond pretty quickly for our children because either we know they can make it to a party or not, DH and I usually take forever to respond to events that we're invited to without the children. If we both have to or want to go, then we have to figure out babysitting. We have an almost toddler who still nurses to sleep so that complicates matters. We just responded to a wedding on DH's side (not immediate family) after dithering about it for weeks and deciding that DH will go on his own.

We also sometimes mean to respond quickly, but DH brings the mail in with him when he comes home from work and it's usually dinnertime so the mail often piles up until someone has a few minutes to deal with it. Then it sits until one of us remembers that we need to RSVP and by then it's been moved around and is lost in a pile of stuff. We're not terribly organized, can't you tell? embarrassed

cnc

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 5:34 pm

amother wrote:

I have no way of knowing what time dh will be home that night, whether or not I'll be able to find a babysitter, how my evening is going (and how my kids are acting) or how I'm feeling.

Obviously for close friends and relatives I do what I need to do and make prior arrangements.

I'm referring to neighbors or acquaintances that I'm not very close with. (I can easily have Simchas three times a week bh)

amother

Aqua

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 5:38 pm

amother wrote:

I went to a wedding where we had no seating cards in the end ... def. sent the email... it was a bit embarasing - we actually just left.

This happened to two of my guests at my wedding because theirs were on the last sheet to be printed and we left it at home. One asked me later if they had really been invited. I felt so bad about making them feel that way, and the reason was so lame I suspect it sounded like a made-up excuse. Sad

Wed, Jun 15 2016, 6:49 pm

ra_mom wrote:

Maybe we should start adding a qr code to the invitation.... scan here to rsvp.

amother

Peach

Thu, Jun 16 2016, 8:26 am

OP here. Just to respond to a couple of the comments - there was no RSVP card - this is a small event (an upsherin). I did include an email address, and most of the people invited should have my email already, because we get group emails from my son's teacher. I really do understand that people have busy lives, but it really just doesn't make sense to me that NOT ONE person managed to RSVP. It makes it feel like people are waiting to see if something better comes up. And I'm just frustrated because I am preparing everything myself and don't know how much food to have! And according to my husband, it's weird for me to send out an email asking whether people plan to come (I disagree with him on that one). Thankfully, my son's morah is being very helpful and asking people if they are coming...