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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Babysitt for free ok or to much?



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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2016, 10:35 pm
I work very part time from home because B"H I have a few little kids to tend to.
Some working mothers call me when my dd school is off to ask if I can take their kid for the whole day while they go to work. the kids are in preschool.
is this normal? (In Brooklyn)
for me just the thought of another kid underfoot is overwhelming.
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2016, 10:37 pm
amother wrote:
I work very part time from home because B"H I have a few little kids to tend to.
Some working mothers call me when my dd school is off to ask if I can take their kid for the whole day while they go to work. the kids are in preschool.
is this normal? (In Brooklyn)
for me just the thought of another kid underfoot is overwhelming.


If it was once, I would do it to be a good neighbor, if more than that I would say, "you know, I would love to help you but it's really taxing to take on another kid. I would be willing to do it if you were paying me to babysit, but as a favor on a regular basis it is too hard for me. "
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2016, 10:46 pm
amother wrote:
If it was once, I would do it to be a good neighbor, if more than that I would say, "you know, I would love to help you but it's really taxing to take on another kid. I would be willing to do it if you were paying me to babysit, but as a favor on a regular basis it is too hard for me. "


agreed.
Also, You say it's overwhelming: tell them no. speak up for yourself. If this is happening other then once or twice then people are taking advantage. a whole day?? seriously?
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WhatFor




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2016, 11:00 pm
amother wrote:
Some working mothers call me when my dd school is off to ask if I can take their kid for the whole day while they go to work. the kids are in preschool.
is this normal? (In Brooklyn)


No. No, this is not normal. If this were normal, why would people be spending hundreds-thousands a month on babysitting and day care?
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Sadie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2016, 11:49 pm
Maybe you could call them up when you want to go out with your husband and ask them to take your kids for the evening. Favor for favor.
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Mon, Jun 20 2016, 11:57 pm
Op it's a good way to make money. Maybe babysit on those off days when kids are off.

But I totally agree with you I also don't work and get those calls all the time like on taanis Esther and when I say no they make me feel guilty. But yes I have a bunch of kids and I'm busy delivering mishloach manos do I want an extra kid to take around all day with me too?

You can always say no very sweetly with an excuse ole you have an appointment with the kids because you knew they were off so perfect time to make appointments.
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champion




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 21 2016, 5:01 am
It seems funny to me that people would even be asking for such a favor for free. I would never ask for such a favor. It would be a given to me that I would offer pay.
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littleprincess




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 21 2016, 5:29 am
I used to work on Sundays. Dd didn't have school so I always had to find a place to leave her for these hours. When my mother couldn't watch her I used to send her to friends until it got too much from me to always find a different friend. Didn't wanna use one friend more than once in like 2 months.
Eventually I started sending her to a babysitter for money. It wasnt really worth it for me cos of the price but I felt better about it

When she got a bit bigger her friends started inviting her (she is bh so loved by others) .

Now I'm happy I don't have to work anymore and I can be home with the children when they're off... and they still get invited or we invite friends over
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abound




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 21 2016, 6:54 am
I take my kids friends happily when I can. I am happy to help the mom, and happy my daughter will be occupied. NOw if I am not up to it (and that can be for weeks at a time) I say I cannot do it. There is no pressure. There is nothing wrong with people asking, there is nothing wrong with saying no.
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GAP




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 21 2016, 7:47 am
I wouldn't want someone who is overwhelmed with work and responsibility to be watching my kid. They wouldn't be able to give them the proper care and attention. I'd tell the mother, you know I work from home, but I'm really busy and I don't think I will be able to give my full attention to your child. And I wouldn't do it for free unless it was a one time favor or a special circumstance or maybe a relative.
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causemommysaid




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 21 2016, 10:55 am
I think its not normal to ask for free babysitting. I would be so uncomfortable taking a favor like that without paying. To me the huge favor is watching my kid on a day I need to work and school is closed. I shouldn't ALSO get that for free. I have a friend who is off in the summers and she offered to watch my kid here and there between camp and school. I plan to pay her the going rate for drop off babysitting on those days even though she is not asking for money.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 21 2016, 11:04 am
With young children, a playdate is generally about 2 hours, maybe up to 3 at most if things are going well. After that it starts to become more of a chore than a pleasure.

I would not expect someone to take my kid for the whole day, the same way as a playdate.

Years ago when my girls were little, I used to trade with a friend of mine who also worked. I would take a day off and have her kid(s) over, and the next day off she took off and had mine. In this way, at least I only used half the not-enough vacation days for days off. When this wasn't enough DH had to pitch in. It's part of having kids and working - you can't just expect the SAHM's to take your kid for a full day for free.

At this point I'm lucky enough to have enough vacation days that I can afford to take off here and there for days off and spend the time with my kids. I have a relative who has asked me to take her kids, and I say no. It's my day off to spend special time with my DD, and I usually take her somewhere with a friend, to try to enhance her social life at school. She doesn't get along well with those particular relatives for such a long length of time, and that's not what I'm taking a day off for.
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Tue, Jun 21 2016, 10:26 pm
Thank you.
I feel guilty when I say no but I can't handle it
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justforfun87




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 21 2016, 10:41 pm
If I shnor my kid off to a friend for a day when I need to work I always pay.
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BetsyTacy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 21 2016, 10:42 pm
The biggest challenge of today is not tznius, it's the sense of entitlement and the shamelessness of moochiness. Where is the kol koreh against asking for huge favors?

To ask for a whole day of free babysitting from a nonrelative is chutzpah. She can make it up to you by taking your kids for the same number of hours. If you watched 1 of her kids for 8 hours, she can watch 2 of yours for 4. This isn't some emergency chessed-her child has to go to the hospital or she has an immediate relative's funeral. Everyone knows these days are coming (henei yomim baim....)

The local Jewish federation used to have a "vacation" camp for those annoying in between days. Years ago it was $40 or $50 a day. Yes, many people who used that service for more than 1 child didn't make very much money that day. Sometimes it even cost them money. But that's what needed to be done to keep the job that pays you money most days of the year.

One nice thing about getting older is that it gets a lot easier to say no.
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amother
Pink


 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2016, 8:25 am
Another preschooler for a whole day is a lot of work. Not normal to ask for it for free, and you should not feel bad saying you're not able to do it.

I have a few good friends who I would ask to watch my kids for an hour and they also ask me the same if needed and it works out very nicely. But if it's a regular thing or a longer time I for sure offer to pay.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 23 2016, 1:49 pm
Not normal unless it's a one-time DIRE emergency, like, uh, the mom is being loaded into a Hatzalahmobile in advanced labor, her husband and all her relatives are at a wedding overseas, and all her friends are at work.
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justmarried:)




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 23 2016, 2:09 pm
Please don't feel guilty for saying no
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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Thu, Jun 23 2016, 3:06 pm
I'm a SAHM and honestly unless it was an emergency I would say no. In general I don't like play dates that are longer then an hr or two.
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