GRRR... | Imamother

amother

Papaya

Mon, Jun 20 2016, 10:49 pm

VENT

So I belong to a specialty legal association (meaning, a legal association that caters to a sub-specialty) and it's that time of year when they send out notice of new member applicants, and state that if anyone has any objection, to write in and state why... I'm relatively new myself, so I was reading the list to see if I new any recent grads, when I spotted his name. Not a recent grad, but I guess he finally decided to join.
I met him at an alum event at my school a few months after I had graduated, and like a good networking newbie, I asked for his contacts, and met him at his office. (I had a job, but wasn't enamored with my situation, and still looking to network). I was bit shocked that he was talking about his clients and showing me emails without making me sign any confidentiality clause (totally irresponsible and unethical). That should have been red flag number one but I am kind of overly scrupulous about confidentiality, so I kind of judged him inwardly but thought okay, whatever, wouldn't work for him, but may have good leads anyway. He asked if we wanted to go get drinks instead of just talking in his office and I said sure. In my field, it is very normal for attorneys to grab a beer, etc. I've done it at many networking events or one-on-one with no incident.
Anyway, I had a drink, maybe two but definitely not more. I noticed he was drinking a lot, and then getting kind of inappropriate in the way that he was talking to me about his marriage and his wife, but I was still in "networking" mode, aware that he was opening up more than he should but it wasn't that nuts.
Anyway, at some point, he said something very very graphic to me and I couldn't believe it, I just got up and walked out. Warning, graphic:

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So disgusting and how dare he. I'm a newbie in the field, trying to get advice, etc. and he's just treating me like a piece of meat. I walked out, and tried to get my bearings, and figure out where public transportation was. I walked a couple of blocks and hid in a doorway just to look at maps on my phone, and I guess he followed me, and started apologizing, and I just told him to get away from me. He started talking again, and I was like, "Are you going to leave or do I need to?" He left. I asked directions from someone and went home and never heard from him again.
(Could I report him to anyone? Potentially but to what end? To my school, to the people I know in this association? Nothing would happen because it's not technically a crime. Nothing would come of it except that my name would be there, having reported someone, and what if something more serious came up down the line? Then I'd just be the woman who's starting trouble.)
He was out of my mind, some distant memory from over a year ago, when I get this email...and his name is on it. And there's nothing I can do. Sure, I can object to his joining because of what happened, but I honestly don't think that's cause enough to deny him, and the reality is, no matter how unfair it is, reporting someone for anything is always going to reflect on you. You attract drama, you attract conflict, you make sh*t up...whatever.
So I'm just going to sit here and be mad that this dirtbag exists and that I had to be reminded of that fact.