High School Graduation Party Ends in Drinking

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Purple

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 11:39 am

I'm in shock.

I need to get this off my chest, but I don't know who to tell so as not to embarrass my daughters school or her friends.

Here goes...

Sunday was my daughter's high school graduation. She goes to a very prominent yeshiva [location removed]. The whole grade was invited to one girl's house for a post-graduation party. My daughter did not go because we were having a little party at home with her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. And after that she was really tired and ended up falling asleep at 6 PM.

She then finds out that at that party there was A LOT of drinking, and not only that, her friend sent her a video of the girl's mother doing shots with the girls. She saw the video with her own eyes. (It's a snapchat video so once you see it, it's gone.). Her friend told her girls were so drunk they had to be carried out. Girls were so drunk that they were throwing up. She showed me a picture her friend sent her of empty hard liquor bottles strewn all around the tables. I'm not talking beer here. Hard liquor.

We turned it into a teachable moment asking her what she would have done if she was there. She said there's no way she would have been drinking and that she would have stopped her friends from drinking too. We told her that if she's ever in a situation where she's uncomfortable to call us and we'll pick her up, no matter what time it is.

I just can't believe that these beautiful frum girls that we just saw graduate would be drinking like that. With the mom!!!

Maybe I'm naive. I did not grow up religious. I went to public school. I became frum because I wanted a better life for my kids and this is the thanks I get. Paying hundreds of thousands of dollars in tuition just to have her witness this kind of behavior?

I literally can't deal with this.

She is my oldest, my other daughter goes to a different yeshiva high school. How do I know that she is safe from this??? My son is 12, what about when he goes to high school???

Thanks for listening...keep your kids safe!!!!

saw50st8

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 11:44 am

It happens in many, many high schools.

Rubber Ducky

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 11:54 am

Bring it up with the school administration. And next time you have a kid graduating, have the party at your house.

marina

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 12:06 pm

This happened at my daughter's school and a whole bunch of kids got expelled. My daughter did not attend, but one classmate had to be hospitalized.

It also may likely be a crime. I recommend you call the administration asap and consider calling the police.

out-of-towner

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 12:08 pm

amother wrote:

I'm in shock.
SNIP

She then finds out that at that party there was A LOT of drinking, and not only that, her friend sent her a video of the girl's mother doing shots with the girls. She saw the video with her own eyes. (It's a snapchat video so once you see it, it's gone.). Her friend told her girls were so drunk they had to be carried out. Girls were so drunk that they were throwing up. She showed me a picture her friend sent her of empty hard liquor bottles strewn all around the tables. I'm not talking beer here. Hard liquor.

The bolded is what scares me the most. One thing about HS graduations is that there isn't much that the schools can do to control what goes on afterwards, as it is technically not governed by them anymore. However, a girl's mother drinking with the other girls???? Not only is that prust and unrefined IMO, it is also illegal. And for that reason alone I would tell the school, just to make them aware that it was inappropriate.

wondergirl

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 12:19 pm

Look at New York Penal Law § 260.20: Unlawfully dealing with a child in the first degree, then decide how you want to proceed with this.

http://codes.findlaw.com/ny/pe......html

http://criminaldefense.1800nyn......html

flowerpower

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 12:22 pm

I cannot believe this!!! Crazy! You must call the principal and fill her in. This is unacceptable in any way.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 12:32 pm

Even if they've already graduated, the school can still get involved and there can be consequences. The grade ahead of me had a similar incident following graduation, and the school found out and several kids had seminary/yeshiva/College acceptances rescinded or switched to probation as a result. And the administration made sure my class heard about it and we did not attempt such shenanigans when we graduated thethe following year. I would absolutely recommend getting the school involved. If it was on snap chat, you can bet some evidence ended up on Facebook or Instagram and people WILL figure out which school it is, and it won't look good for them.

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 12:41 pm

amother wrote:

So why is it that the yeshivos don't punish boys for drinking themselves sick on Purim. Cause it's a mitzvah to drink yourself sick? Drinking alcohol should be addressed for both boys and girls in yeshiva.

amother

Mint

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 12:53 pm

Teach your kids about drinking and safety. I graduated from an MO school and there ended up being drinking at the post-graduation party, but
1. It was in a separate room, and there were a couple of girls at the entrance confiscating the car keys of anyone who entered the room with the alcohol.
2. About a third of us (all the nerds) left maybe half an hour after the drinking started and had a breakoff party playing video games at someone else's house with more responsible parents.

What I got out of this is that education about drinking safety can make a difference in kids' behavior. We had had a strong program earlier in the year to raise awareness about the danger of drunk driving- I think that it really got to a lot of people, enough to stop them from that if not from drinking. And there was a strong enough peer group who weren't interested in drinking at all that we just got up and left together- the kids your kids are friends with will make a big difference, even if some other kids are doing things they shouldn't. I'm not saying you can guarantee they won't drink, but teens are capable of making smart decisions under the right circumstances. (And some smart decisions is better than none.)

ETA (got interrupted while typing)- definitely talk to the principal. IMO it's a shared responsibility of the school and of individual parents to educate teens. Sweeping it under the rug helps no one- maybe this can be prevented from happening again with future classes.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 12:59 pm

amother wrote:

The school I attended was coed, so both boys and girls were punished (and I believe there were more boys involved in the incident). I don't think you can compare what a MO school does to a RW yeshivish or chassidish school, they're 2 completely different systems. I agree that teenage boys should not be drinking on Purim, but seems their schools either willfully ignore or tacitly approve. What to do about that is a separate discussion. But in a situation where you know the school would want to do something, they should be informed.

naturalmom5

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 1:01 pm

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aabjRPirdhs

wondergirl

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 1:03 pm

amother wrote:

I don't know about the boys drinking themselves sick but they can legally drink for religious purposes at least in 26 states. Parents can allow their kids to drink in the privacy of their own homes (but the parent has to be present) in 29 states. It doesn't look like any state legally allows parents to give alcohol to children who are not their own kids so op should consult with a lawyer to see how to proceed with this (parents can deny there was alcohol and say the kids just had the bottle out to sensationalize the party etc). You can look up the laws by state on these sites-- http://drinkingage.procon.org/.....02591

https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/a.....state

Chayalle

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 1:48 pm

I remember when I was in seminary in Israel, I spent Shabbos, together with a sem friend, at a cousin of mine who lived in neighborhood X in Jerusalem. Friday night we went to visit another friend who was in a seminary in that neighborhood - they had an in Shabbos - and the girls were celebrating the Shalom Zachor of the mutual nephew of two girls whose siblings siblings were married to each other and had a new baby...and a couple of girls were rather tipsy. This was in a mainstream BY seminary.

I remember being rather shocked that this was going on in a seminary.....

amother

Burgundy

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 2:13 pm

How do I get invited to these parties?

amother

Purple

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 3:38 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aabjRPirdhs

I loved 90210!!!

amother

Purple

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 3:40 pm

OP here

Thanks for all your replies - I put a call in to the principal, she was in a meeting, I'm calling her back soon...

I have a very good friend that works for the district attorney's office - should I talk to her?

trixx

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 4:44 pm

amother wrote:

Don't take legal action before speaking to the principal. Let her hear it from you first.

mha3484

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 4:53 pm

I am not sure what legal action you can take if your child was not at the party. The other girls parents might have more of a case.

Honestly, this might not be the most popular opinion but these are 18 year old girls many of them will live away from home next year at seminary and then college. If this crowd will be on a secular campus then drinking is not going anywhere and its time to do some serious talking with your children. They will be legal adults in a a couple of years. If they were 14 years old I would understand getting the school involved but I think at this age and stage its misplaced. When the principal calls back, discuss with her how the school can help educate students against binge drinking in the future but at this point it needs to come from the parents not the yeshiva.

Eemaof3

Wed, Jun 22 2016, 4:57 pm

The problem is not drinking and driving but acute alcohol poisoning. People can truly drink themselves to death. No adult can ever serve alcohol to other people's children. Period. She should be prosecuted to show others that it is not cool in any way, shape or form. Glad your child was not there OP.

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