Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
High School Graduation Party Ends in Drinking
Previous  1  2  3  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

myself




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2016, 5:01 pm
It is rather shocking OP. I hope the principal is just as shocked as we all are and takes action to prevent such an occurrence in the future.
Back to top

debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2016, 5:06 pm
amother wrote:
So why is it that the yeshivos don't punish boys for drinking themselves sick on Purim. Cause it's a mitzvah to drink yourself sick? Drinking alcohol should be addressed for both boys and girls in yeshiva.
my sons' school - a RW yeshivish lakewood yeshiva - warned the boys with dire consequences if they drink on Purim. And so did two other schools I know of. I think this is changing.
Back to top

amother
Mint


 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2016, 5:11 pm
Eemaof3 wrote:
The problem is not drinking and driving but acute alcohol poisoning. People can truly drink themselves to death. No adult can ever serve alcohol to other people's children. Period. She should be prosecuted to show others that it is not cool in any way, shape or form. Glad your child was not there OP.


I agree with everything but your first sentence. Both are serious problems.

One is the issue of drinking so much that the alcohol itself can kill you directly.

The other is the matter of responsible behavior even if you do decide to have a drink or more in a safe environment. I have been tipsy on Pesach more than once- I know I'll be tipsy after the second cup if I drink wine, but I take into account that I'm in a safe environment with people I trust, I'm not responsible for any children (actually, now I am, so I drink grape juice), and I'm not driving. Responsible drinking involves multiple factors. Assuming there's a reasonable chance my kids will experiment with alcohol, I'm going to teach them how to do it so they hurt neither themselves nor anyone else.
Back to top

ChutzPAh




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2016, 6:18 pm
I don't know if I'd get all my kids friends in trouble, despite that what they did was terrible.
Back to top

flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2016, 6:28 pm
debsey wrote:
my sons' school - a RW yeshivish lakewood yeshiva - warned the boys with dire consequences if they drink on Purim. And so did two other schools I know of. I think this is changing.

My son had to sign a whole book promising not to drink Purim and the parents had to sign as well
Back to top

amother
Wheat


 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2016, 6:34 pm
amother wrote:
OP here

Thanks for all your replies - I put a call in to the principal, she was in a meeting, I'm calling her back soon...

I have a very good friend that works for the district attorney's office - should I talk to her?


The district attorney's office?? Seriously?! What exactly are you looking to accomplish here?
Back to top

amother
Gold


 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2016, 7:48 pm
Truthfully I don't know how much power the principal will have if this parent is paying high tuition as seems money is main reason principals look away especially if board is in power as is usually the case --hope the principal supports u on this issue .

I also want to point out that u stated that if this happened how would u Keep ur daughter safe?? Well realistically most schools have some kids that do wrong/inappropriate things (even in my son's very frum yeshiva I heard some horrible things sons classmates did ) but its not usually try majority (depending on the school)
. therefore its important that ur daughter is aware that she may see other girls do"wrong" things and discuss with her about making the right decision but can u really shelter her from everything?? I don't think that's good either!!
Yeah I agree with u that its hard with all that's going --to keep our children away from all the bad!!
Hatzlacha
Back to top

oliveoil




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2016, 9:29 pm
Btw, in most of the world the legal drinking age is 18.

Not condoning what went on, just pointing that out.
Back to top

Coffee Addict




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2016, 9:36 pm
This is shocking and upsetting at the same time. I'm totally sympathizing with you op. Frum high school? A shame.
Back to top

octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2016, 10:27 pm
oliveoil wrote:
Btw, in most of the world the legal drinking age is 18.

Not condoning what went on, just pointing that out.


In the USA it is 21.
Back to top

amother
Babypink


 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2016, 11:32 pm
From the younger generation:
I got drunk a couple times as a teen. I smoked one cigarette.
And I went to THE most bais yakov-y by!
I've been married a few years now and do I admit that it was stupid? Yes! Did it have long lasting results? No.
And you know what, me and all my friends? We turned out pretty good anyway. We're all on the most part successful, responsible, thinking women. Wives and mothers doing our best
Its not the end of the world.
I wouldn't make those same decisions now but I had to make my mistakes to be who I am now. You can't be 23 before you're 18
Back to top

DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2016, 11:49 pm
I think the most appalling aspect of this incident is that the girl's MOTHER was encouraging and enabling underage drinking. Not just drinking, but drinking to excess.

What poor middot and poor judgement. I'd stay far away from this family.
Back to top

amother
Babypink


 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2016, 11:53 pm
DrMom wrote:
I think the most appalling aspect of this incident is that the girl's MOTHER was encouraging and enabling underage drinking. Not just drinking, but drinking to excess.

What poor middot and poor judgement. I'd stay far away from this family.


Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!!!

(Anywhere I can find the video.....?)
Back to top

SacN




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 23 2016, 2:10 am
I went to public high school.

My school threw a school arranged all night party the night after graduation. Anyone who was anyone went- they had casino games, a hypnotist, cool prizes, awesome food. You didn't want to miss out.
They checked our bags upon entry, and didn't let anyone leave until morning (for anything other than an emergency). There were lots of parent and teacher chaperones.

And, no drinking. We all had a blast.
Perhaps you can suggest this for next year?
Back to top

ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 23 2016, 2:40 am
mha3484 wrote:
Honestly, this might not be the most popular opinion but these are 18 year old girls many of them will live away from home next year at seminary and then college. If this crowd will be on a secular campus then drinking is not going anywhere and its time to do some serious talking with your children.

I completely agree with this, and would add, even if they won't be on a secular campus drinking is not going anywhere. Plenty of yeshiva/seminary students spend plenty of nights drunk somewhere on Ben Yehuda street during their first couple months in Jerusalem (I am *not* saying this is the norm!! But it's definitely a thing that happens, mostly with students from the US or UK).

And it is only going to get much more dangerous once they are out in a mixed crowd, or with strangers around, instead of with a bunch of their female friends at a friend's house.

Getting them in legal trouble won't do a thing to teach them about the consequences of drinking. Because they're about to be adults, and for most of their adult lives there will be no legal consequences for drinking. So I think the focus should really be on teaching them the other consequences for drinking.

Re: the mother - what would the goal be of getting her in trouble? Is there reason to think she might be hosting graduation parties again in the future? Are you sure she knew how heavily the girls were drinking (as opposed to, she thought they would all have one drink and be done)? Is it possible she thought she was doing the safe thing by allowing them to drink at her house, instead of going out and getting drunk elsewhere?

I'm not saying she was in the right, but I do think it'd be good to talk to her before trying to get her into legal trouble.

Re: "but these are religious kids, what happened" aspect of things - kids are kids are kids. Raising your kids with good values is a wonderful and important thing, but it won't stop them from acting like idiots on occasion. The goal is to help kids become good adults, not to make sure they never do anything wrong.

For sure the school should teach kids about dangerous drinking, but the goal needs to be realistic ("kids who don't drink and drive, and who watch out for each other to make sure everyone's safe" not "kids who never have a drunken party").
Back to top

Another mom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 23 2016, 8:38 am
oliveoil wrote:
Btw, in most of the world the legal drinking age is 18.

Not condoning what went on, just pointing that out.

But as seniors many are still 17
Back to top

amother
Sienna


 

Post Thu, Jun 23 2016, 8:59 am
OK, I am one of those people who thinks the drinking laws in this country are ridiculous and they ought to change it back to 18 like it is in the rest of the world. I also believe in allowing one's own teens to drink a little at home, supervised by their own parents. It's what my parents did with me and what I plan to do when my kids get older. It's the best way to have honest conversations about alcohol (which definitely needs to happen well before graduation) and teach them how to drink safely and responsibly.
That said, what happened here is cause for concern and something ought to be done. Stupid or not, the drinking age here IS 21, which means the law was broken (and even if it was 18, a good chunk of recent grads are still 17; my birthday is later in the year, so I was 17 when I graduated). Also, it is NOT OK to provide alcohol to other people's children. Again, you want to let your own kids have some wine with dinner, that's fine, and I would even argue its a good idea. It's not acceptable to make that decision for someone else's kids, especially with hard liquor. Also, it is generally accepted that the school is still allowed to dictate certain post graduation activities. Many schools- such as the one I attended (after the incident I described in my earlier post), and most public schools (such as what another poster described)- DO in fact have a protocol surrounding graduation parties and will get involved and there will be consequences. Obviously not expulsion, but they can and do inform colleges and other post high school programs of what happened and those programs use their own discretion in how to proceed. It matters because it reflects poorly on an institution when their students behave badly, especially if it makes its way around social media. Op is right to bring it up with the principal (not the da, let's not get the legal system involved now that it's water under the bridge). At the very least, the school can come up with a system for next year's seniors.
Back to top

amother
Purple


 

Post Thu, Jun 23 2016, 12:49 pm
OP here - update

I spoke with the principal last night - She kinda knew already about the party - apparently there were two parties and she's not sure which one had all the drinking.

She also kinda tried to blow me and my concerns off. Saying things like: this is the world we live in.... and so on.

My goal is not to get anyone in trouble. I do not want the Israel schools to pull any girls out. I do not want diplomas to be held back. I do not want the mom involved to get in trouble. At this point, it's done. My goal is to prevent this from happening in future years. The principal can very clearly state that drinking will not be tolerated and warn the girls of the consequences, like informing Israel schools.

Bottom line- the law was broken.

G-d forbid someone ended up in the ER or went driving after, the mom could very well have gotten arrested. It's happened before.

Thanks for all your comments and concerns
Back to top

SRS




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 23 2016, 5:01 pm
OP, I would not want to get the kids in trouble either necessarily, but the mother should be slapped across the face. Kids throwing up, potential alcohol poisoning, and encouraging drinking. If this is a BY type girls school, they have taken a look at the parent body, and this parent should be excluded (which is a tough thing for me to say because I cringe when kids are not accepted because of general tznius issues or what have you). But certain behaviors are just beyond the pale and should not be welcomed in a body of private school parents. I think this behavior crosses the line because of its dangerous and public nature. Other behaviors like wearing a bathing suit in Cancun would not rise to the occasion. If I am paying for a private school, there is an unwritten contract. This type of parent doesn't belong and who says that these parties and the drinking weren't happening during the year?
Back to top

greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 23 2016, 5:55 pm
you'll have crazy teens everywhere ... but why was the mother drinking & are we sure she was drinking

I once had to babysit a bunch of drunk teens ... it was actually new years and their car got stuck in the snow & I felt it was better for them to be safe at my house watching tv than out in the street drunk - no I did not serve them alcohol and no I did not drink [thanx to them] ...

but you gotta wonder who thought what about me despite me caring for their kids like I would want someone caring for my own in similar situations
Back to top
Page 2 of 3 Previous  1  2  3  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

Related Topics Replies Last Post
How to avoid vaccinating my baby until school
by amother
213 Today at 1:41 am View last post
Some kids don’t thrive in a school setting 33 Yesterday at 10:54 pm View last post
S/o Top BY school for girl with HFASD
by amother
20 Yesterday at 6:38 pm View last post
Did anyone get accepted to girl’s high school?
by amother
9 Yesterday at 5:15 pm View last post
Daughter was waitlisted at NJ high schools, what to do?
by amother
17 Yesterday at 10:01 am View last post