Want to stop nursing but feel so guilty :(

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 11:51 am

gold21 wrote:

Arent the lactation consultants in the hospital from LLL? Theyve definitely pressured me. Not nice to pressure an exhausted new mom who wants to supplement. Its my baby and my choice. They can educate but they cannot pressure or make judgemental comments.

Perhaps they gave some such arrangement at your hospital, but it isn't the norm.

Hospital lactation consultants are medical professionals. LLL leaders are lay volunteers. Some people may have both credentials.

Tzedek Tirdof

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 2:32 pm

gold21 wrote:

I certainly did not find that to be the case at all.

My eldest was six weeks premature and at the time of his birth, I had no milk at all. The hospital did not educate me on how to use their hospital grade pumping machines or give me any advice about nursing. Instead they gave me lots of free formula to give to my premature baby, assuring me it was the best thing for him. I really wanted to breastfeed so was sad but dutifully gave him formula. It was only when someone suggested I contacted LLL that things changed for the better for us. The LLL leaders were annoyed with the hospital for foisting formula on me vs supporting me breastfeeding but they NEVER once told me to stop feeding my child formula. Instead, they gave ideas on positions we could use to help breastfeeding e.g. it had never occurred to me to nurse lying down. Shortly after that my supply was plentiful, we weaned totally off the formula and my son nursed for a very long time. Interestingly, he didn't start gaining significant weight until my milk truly came in. I mention this just because there is this myth perpetuated that formula feeding has more calories than mother's milk. It's not necessarily true...

OP, whatever works to keep you and your baby happy is what matters. Hatzlacha.

Last edited by Tzedek Tirdof on Wed, Jun 29 2016, 3:02 pm; edited 1 time in total

ectomorph

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 2:39 pm

Tzedek Tirdof wrote:

I certainly did not find that to be the case at all.

My eldest was six weeks premature and at the time of his birth, I had no milk at all. The hospital did not educate me on how to use their hospital grade pumping machines or give me any advice about nursing. Instead they gave me lots of free formula to give to my premature baby, assuring me it was the best thing for him. I really wanted to breastfeed so was sad but dutifully gave him formula. It was only when someone suggested I contacted LLL that things changed for the better for us. The LLL leaders were annoyed with the hospital for foisting formula on me vs supporting me breastfeeding but they NEVER once told me to stop feeding my child formula. Instead, they gave ideas on positions we could use to help breastfeeding e.g. it had never occurred to me to nurse lying down. Shortly after that my supply was plentiful, we weaned totally off the formula and my son nursed for a very long time. Interestingly, he didn't start gaining significant wait until my milk truly came in. I mention this just because there is this myth perpetuated that formula feeding has more calories that mother's milk. It's not necessarily true...

OP, whatever works to keep you and your baby happy is what matters. Hatzlacha.

weird. I had the opposite experience, although the same conclusion. Baby 6 weeks early, tons of pressure from the nurses and lactation consultant to pump, even though it made me ill. Baby never latched despite tons of lactaid consulting. I switched to formula after a few months and felt really guilty. But I still get upset at the memory and wish that I would have known that it's ok not to want to pump.

Chayalle

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 2:43 pm

gold21 wrote:

same experience. After an exhausting two day labor with my oldest DD, I asked to be allowed to sleep for the night and skip ONE feeding - told them to give her a bottle. The lactation consultant came in the next day and scolded my choice, telling me it will interfere with latching, etc....and it must be breast only for a few weeks if I want to nurse successfully.

Tzedek Tirdof

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 3:00 pm

ectomorph wrote:

Aw sorry, I wish we could have swapped hospitals! Mine was in one of the NYC Boroughs.

gold21

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 3:13 pm

Tzedek Tirdof wrote:

Also, mine was nearly a decade ago. Perhaps the hospitals are more pro breastfeeding now than they were then?

Yeah hospitals tend to very pro breastfeeding now, which is a good thing, as long as its within reason

For example, hospitals have begun to eliminate baby nurseries (yep, the hospital I recently delivered in had gotten rid of their nursery) to promote rooming-in, for breastfeeding purposes.

Thats like someone patting your head and saying "now now I know whats best for you". No. Im the one who knows whats best for me. Lol

ectomorph

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 3:18 pm

Tzedek Tirdof wrote:

Also, mine was nearly a decade ago. Perhaps the hospitals are more pro breastfeeding now than they were then?

makes sense. This happened last year. I guess the pendulum has swung to the opposite extreme.

There's got to be a happy medium though. Everyone agrees that breast is best, all things being equal. But that doesn't mean that there isn't value to using formula when breast just isn't working for mom and baby.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 3:46 pm

OP, it seems to me that if your baby sleeps well at night, it's not hunger that's the problem. It might be something you're eating that's causing the baby distress after a feeding of breast milk.

Which is a whole 'nother project.. but if you want to give a fair chance, you might try going off cow's milk for a week & see if your baby is happier.

Or try Gripe Water, a very mild and safe remedy for colic.

Another thing to think about: if you're very conflicted and/or tense, your baby may feel it. I would try doing a couple of minutes of deep breathing and relaxation before a feeding. Your baby will sense your calmness and the milk may be better too. You can find recordings on-line to guide you in the breathing.

ectomorph

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 3:53 pm

I'm sorry, but being asked every hour "When is the last time you pumped?" Definitely qualified as overbearing.
Also being told that if I wasn't producing enough it was because I had slept 3 hours in a row the night before. Besides that I pumped every two hours for an hour. I don't remember exactly how long but it was forever to me.
And me saying to lactation consultant that I wanted to sleep 4 hours in a row got me the nursing got got me a really nasty look. "If your baby was with you you would not be getting any sleep.As" if it was my fault the baby was early and in nicu and not nursing and struggling to breathe and eat.