8 to keeps going on street alone

amother

Purple

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 11:27 am

A few weeks ago I got a call from the mother of a boy in my ds class. She said my ds is at her house, this was right after school when ds should have been on the school bus. He went there without permission.
I spoke to him about the danger of going without permission and that I have to know where he is...
I live in an apartment with a communal garden. A couple days later ds asked if he could go down ride his bike with other kids. I told him he could but I need to be able to see him until I'm ready to come down with the other kids. I get down there 5 min later I can't find him. I knocked on all the neighbour's doors. It took 30 min for me to do that. After that dh came home and went to look for him. He found him on a street not far from ours.
We grounded him for a week.
yesterday he came home from school 30 min late. When I asked him about it he said he missed the bus and went with the next one. I felt he was lying to me so I called the driver who told me he assumed ds didn't come to school, he didn't drop him off yesterday.
Now I'm not sure what to do? We're just not getting thru to him. The bus driver is personally going to make sure he gets on the bus but my ds is lying to us and still running off without permission.
I need ideas on how to get thru to him pls?

mommy3b2c

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 11:33 am

I would smack him till he saw stars.

If that didn't work, I would threaten to call the cops on him and actually drive down to the police station to scare the cr-p out of him.

(Looking forward to everyone's comments Twisted Evil

)

saw50st8

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 11:45 am

amother wrote:

I would start a conversation with something like "I've noticed that you are going out/ not coming back at appropriate times lately. What's up?"

Hear what he has to say, drill down to get to the "why" he isn't listening. Why did he want to go out of your sightline? Was he looking for something specific? Did he realize you would be looking for him? Try to have the conversation without getting angry about his response. Once you understand his motivation, it's easier to deal with.

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 12:40 pm

OP, did you ever find where he went after school, and with whom? How did he get home? Also, is he generally an impulsive or distractive child? Is he forgetful? How is his general mood? How is his relationship with his parents? What is your general discipline style? Does he have processing issues? How are his general behaviors at home or at school? I think you need to begin exploring all of these issues so you can come up with a plan to keep him safe.

amother

Purple

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 12:44 pm

Op here
He is my easiest child. Generally behaves really well. Thas why it's such a shock to me that he's suddenly not listening and lying too.

Stars

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 12:50 pm

Any time there is sudden changes in a child's behavior, there is something beneath that. Try your best to figure out what it is.

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 1:23 pm

All of the above plus scare him by telling him scary stories of what can happen if 1- he crosses the street alone, 2- doesn't cross the street, but goes down for something (or not ) 3- he doesn't let his parents know where he is, 4- plays with children that parents don't let.

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 1:34 pm

Find out if he has exhibited any behavior changes at school.

Do you live in a safe neighborhood? While he should be following instructions, this may be his way of expressing his need for more independence.

amother

Babypink

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 2:02 pm

Please tell me you don't live in sanhedria murchevet...

cnc

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 2:19 pm

amother wrote:

Please tell me you don't live in sanhedria murchevet...

My first thoughts were child molesters.

amother

Indigo

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 2:23 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

)

So the concept is to beat him into submission. At least we know where you stand.

amother

Cyan

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 3:03 pm

That happened to my brother as a child. Turned out he was being molested. 😔

ectomorph

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 3:22 pm

If generally a defiant stubborn kid, I would make some short of consequence.
If generally easy going kid, maybe the kid just needs more freedom. Try to provide that in other ways.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 6:17 pm

amother wrote:

So the concept is to beat him into submission. At least we know where you stand.

Actually, the concept is to protect my child from being kidnapped, raped, or murdered.

debbie321

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 6:22 pm

just wondering if he is skipping the bus cuz he feels unsafe,like bullies or something

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Jun 29 2016, 6:27 pm

make sure he is not being molested. try to find out where he is going after school etc. this really does not sound good. and the fact that he left your yard and went somewhere nearby. find out if someone is giving him treats..touching him etc.

princessleah

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 10:34 am

Where is the school in this? At my kid's school the teachers put the kids on the bus and they don't allow the kid off at a different stop unless there is a written note from a parent that has been confirmed. Why is the bus driver allowing kids to get off wherever they please?