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How much does wedding cost boys side?
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 12:58 pm
At work someone is marrying off a son and he is complaining that it is costing him 50k start to finish. I can't seem to wrap my head where all that money is going. This is a FLOP wedding so the costs are not split 50/50 and the wedding is in a takana hall with a one man band. The couple is going to Israel so he is not buying them a car. He has around 10 kids. I figure expenses as follows
ring 3000
bracelet 1500
pearls 500
machzorim siddur tehillim 650
earings 1000
shadchan 1500
gowns hair and makeup suit shoes hats (400 a head x 12) 4800
leichters 2000
ufruf 6000
vort flowers 200
shabbos kallah flowers 100
FLOP 7000
chosson wardrobe 1500
tickets to Israel (assuming each side pays one) 1500

All these together come out to around 30k and I don't think I was being stingy with the amounts. These people are not fancy people. What am I missing that amounts to 20k more?
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 1:06 pm
Offhand the earrings, shadchan fee , chosson wardrobe and gowns/hair/makeup definitely seem to be on the lower end to me. It may be possible to get away with those prices but chances are he's spending lots more over there.

Last edited by cnc on Wed, Jun 29 2016, 1:09 pm; edited 1 time in total
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 1:07 pm
Also is that really how much FLOP is?
Photography alone can easily run over 3k.
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 1:12 pm
All your amounts are on the low side...
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abaker




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 2:19 pm
I think our wedding 4 years ago was about 11k total. And we are doing just fine BH. Not to bash anyone else at all but wow 50k from one side...and the guy has 9 other kids he will iyh marry off wow that is expensive.

May we all have many Simchas to pay for, and the money to pay for them as well (whether it's 10k or 100k)
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 2:21 pm
Delete

Last edited by amother on Mon, Feb 11 2019, 3:10 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Pink


 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 5:02 pm
amother wrote:
At work someone is marrying off a son and he is complaining that it is costing him 50k start to finish. I can't seem to wrap my head where all that money is going. This is a FLOP wedding so the costs are not split 50/50 and the wedding is in a takana hall with a one man band. The couple is going to Israel so he is not buying them a car. He has around 10 kids. I figure expenses as follows
ring 3000
bracelet 1500
pearls 500
machzorim siddur tehillim 650
earings 1000
shadchan 1500
gowns hair and makeup suit shoes hats (400 a head x 12) 4800
leichters 2000
ufruf 6000
vort flowers 200
shabbos kallah flowers 100
FLOP 7000
chosson wardrobe 1500
tickets to Israel (assuming each side pays one) 1500

All these together come out to around 30k and I don't think I was being stingy with the amounts. These people are not fancy people. What am I missing that amounts to 20k more?


This was for my son's chasuna:
Our local OOT jeweler had a package including rings, bracelet, and pearls for $2500. Now that I know my DIL I might have gone out of the package to give her a bigger selection for the bracelet. She loved the rings, though and found exactly what she wanted.
Machzorim - she wanted a set of interlinear Artscroll Machzorim. Not leather, well under $200. Nice leather siddur. Under $100.
No earrings.
I think the leichter were $1300. Mrs. Schwadron is wonderful about how she displays the leichter in the parents' range.
I think we paid less in shadchanus but that sounds reasonable.
B"H we have a smaller family. The gowns did add up. And we did do make up and hair. We partially subsidized our marrieds. The men did not all get new suits, etc. besides the chosson. We didn't outfit him totally ttto anywhere near $1500.
Vort flowers were about $125, Shabbos kallah a little less.
FLOP - it does add up. We did gemach flowers, rental still costs. Only for the women. No liquor. One man band, about $700 or less. Photography - I don't remember. At least $2000, I think.
Neither of the kids have ever been to Israel. Not all of their parents have either.
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amother
Emerald


 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 5:25 pm
my brother is getting married on a week.
I can believe it costs 50k.
ring: 5k
bracelet 2k
necklace for yichud room....2k, most ppl dont want pearls nowadays
aufruf...costing my parents about 12k
boys wardrobe...not sure probably 2k
girls gown....2500 ( 6 girls plus mother)
hair and makeup.....probably 300 altogether. we have a family member who is doing makeup free of charge
they r going to israel.....flights. and also renting the apt costs money
flop.....not sure but probably 10 to 12k
machzorim and siddur and tehillim...probably cost 500 combined
leichter....2k probably


there r loads of other expenses I can't think of offhand....benchers...new hats and suits for boys...etc.
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 5:31 pm
I guess I'm thinking of chassidish mens' wardrobe which comes with additional expenses due to new levush..shtreimel, bekitches, etc
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amother
Linen


 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 5:40 pm
amother wrote:
At work someone is marrying off a son and he is complaining that it is costing him 50k start to finish. I can't seem to wrap my head where all that money is going. This is a FLOP wedding so the costs are not split 50/50 and the wedding is in a takana hall with a one man band. The couple is going to Israel so he is not buying them a car. He has around 10 kids. I figure expenses as follows
ring 3000
bracelet 1500
pearls 500
machzorim siddur tehillim 650
earings 1000
shadchan 1500
gowns hair and makeup suit shoes hats (400 a head x 12) 4800
leichters 2000
ufruf 6000
vort flowers 200
shabbos kallah flowers 100
FLOP 7000
chosson wardrobe 1500
tickets to Israel (assuming each side pays one) 1500

All these together come out to around 30k and I don't think I was being stingy with the amounts. These people are not fancy people. What am I missing that amounts to 20k more?



I wonder if this guy at work with 10 kids making this wedding is on programs. Sorry, I had to say it. I really am wondering.
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 5:47 pm
amother wrote:
I wonder if this guy at work with 10 kids making this wedding is on programs. Sorry, I had to say it. I really am wondering.


That is so random.
Why would you even make a connection ?
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ROFL




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 5:51 pm
Emerald amother. 12 K for afruf? What are you eating ? Is everyone getting a 30 ounces steak? How come so much money for a Shabbat kiddish and possible lunch ?
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Rubber Ducky




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 6:04 pm
I think we spent about $500 for our older son's aufruf. Some of these numbers are staggering. There's no "rule" that you have to do all this stuff.
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amother
Mint


 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 6:10 pm
amother wrote:
I wonder if this guy at work with 10 kids making this wedding is on programs. Sorry, I had to say it. I really am wondering.


My DH has a heimish friend who is marrying off his oldest daughter from 9 kids. He said it is costing him 90K (I thought the amount was staggering!!). He does well in his business and lives very comfortably without taking any programs and his wife is a SAHM.

Why would you think that? Except that you generalize and have preconceived notions and judge people when you call other judgemental?
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 6:39 pm
smileforamile wrote:
Seriously?? We just got married 11 weeks ago- I'm the girl, and I don't think my parents spent that much, including the entire cost of the hall. My in-laws have 10 kids, 8 living at home at the time (including my husband).

I didn't get any earrings as a gift... the earrings I wore were $27 from online, ordered by my aunt. I happen to love them, as does my husband.

There's no way that his side spent $400 a head for hair, makeup, etc. (we spent $55 a head for hair and $65 for makeup; my hair was $100 and makeup $120).

I think the 400 included the gown which is actually very very reasonable leaving the gown to be under $300 a person after factoring in makeup and hair

They only made a Shabbos day meal for the aufruf, so I doubt it was $6,000.

Chosson wardrobe is $1,500? He spent $500 on 2 new suits (sale at Emporio), so I doubt his total wardrobe came out to $1,500.

I only got a siddur, not machzorim or a tehillim. I'm guessing that with my name engraved and leather-bound, it didn't cost too much more than $100.


FLOP $7,000? I know that the hall we got married in had a deal for FLOP for $3,000. I don't think my in-laws took them up on it, but I doubt they paid much more than that. My brother-in-law is amazing with getting good deals.

I didn't get a bracelet- I got a shaitel instead. They gave me $1,600 for it, so slightly higher than the number you said.

We each paid the shadchan $1,000, not $1,500. The going rate nowadays is between $1,000-$2,000.

I guess it depends on your circles. $1000 was considered the lower end in my circles 10 years ago, and unfortunately everything has just gone up since...

I just went to the website of the store which we bought the leichter from. Our leichter were $1,485, not $2,000. I did not know the prices when I was choosing, and he did not limit me to specific ones.

I'm guessing that my pearls were less than $500, without asking or knowing.

Could be the rest of your numbers are accurate, but it's definitely possible to go with less. My husband's family doesn't have money, and honestly, I was always surprised and thankful when I got anything. I didn't even know that the chosson usually gets his kallah leichter! The only thing I wanted was an engagement ring, and I figured that I would get a cubic. Can't believe he got me a real one (which was confirmed by my aunt, who works in diamonds).
[b][b]
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 6:55 pm
No way you need all this stuff. I didn't get machzorim- just used the ones from my parents I had been using my entire life (and brought to sem etc).Same with siddur or any other sefarim. Only need them if you switch nussach.
I didn't get earrings. Or a watch, bracelet or much jewelry at all. Got my ring and a necklace. That's it.
No shabbos/yom tov flowers. I think cut flowers are a waste of money. Yes at the wedding there was some but not as gifts.
And what is this about a car?!
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amother
Magenta


 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 7:19 pm
We are the boys side. We split costs 50/50 with our machatonim for FLOP. We each paid in full for our own guests at the chasunah. (We live OOT.) We had our son's aufruf kiddush in our home. We borrowed table linens and accessories from a gmach to enhance the kiddush. People sent flowers. We rented gowns for some of our daughters, bought for others. I sold some of my jewelry to buy some for the kallah. We also got her a siddur with her name engraved on it. Our chelek was about 15K in total.
It was B"H a beautiful chasunah, not over the top, but very typical for our community.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 7:41 pm
It's not your business how much they are spending. You can spend more or less depending on many variables. I used to get so frustrated with my coworkers spending habits and I realized it was not productive or healthy for me. So stop thinking about how much their wedding is costing. When it's time for you to make a wedding you can get advice to keep to a budget that seems reasonable to you.
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 7:45 pm
OP did ur workmate but furniture as well?
If he did that can easily add 7k to the expenses.
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amother
Beige


 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2016, 7:47 pm
My total wedding cost was $40,000 - that included all wedding expenses and furniture, housewares... My parents and inlaws split the costs 50/50.
I'm not sure exactly how much the kallah presents added up to, I assume about $5,000.
My in-laws don't make an aufruf seudah, just a kiddush in shul.
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