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How much does wedding cost boys side?
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 8:13 am
tf wrote:
What does FLOP mean?


Flowers
Liqour
Orchestra
Photography
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 8:22 am
cnc wrote:
I wrote 8k a MONTH .

That was for Medicaid in NY specifically...you can probably make even more to get eligible for SNAP.

I am so sorry, I can't believe I missed that!
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tf




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 8:29 am
Thanks cnc for your answer. Even without FLOP a typical takunos chasana costs about $35,000-40,000. And that's without big kiddush for aufruf and other extras.
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amother
Pink


 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 9:29 am
amother wrote:
it may be less.

it is in a tent. 3 full meals plus kiddush and neighborhood is invited to shalosh seudos also
party planner. waiters. table and chair rentals. we r mostly cooking ourself....buying just cakes and cookies and other random things....our family is big though. over 100 ppl alone just from family for meals.


The aurfruf Shabbos is getting out of hand. I don't know what to say. Of course you want your children there if possible but to feel mechuyav to come, and then have to feed 100 people the Shabbos before? Maybe have them for dessert if they live in town.
I understand Kiddush expenses. We had a Kiddush in the shul and because of the volume we had a party planner set up and clean up and provide some of the food. It wasn't cheap but it was under 1K.

And we saved about $15-20 by using plastic bags (nice but plastic) instead of the mesh bags people use for the candy.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 9:52 am
amother wrote:
This thread is getting to me a little, particularly about the gifts.

What we've established as "the norm" to give to the girl: ring, bracelet, pearls/other necklace, earrings, leichters, machzor/siddur. (Am I missing something?)

This can easily add up to over 10k. Throw in the fact that the average family is struggling with funding the daily demands and I think we need to ask ourselves- why is this the norm??? How can we change this?
This. Exactly this. When I read some of the posts that said that engagement rings are 5 k I almost fell off my chair. Why in the world does any person "need" a ring of that value???? YOu dont. and all of that other jewelry? Why is it needed? Its actually crazy if you think about it. Its just too much. And no young girl needs that stuff at all. Why are there no takanot about THOSE prices? Crazy!!! Mamash crazy.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 10:40 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
This. Exactly this. When I read some of the posts that said that engagement rings are 5 k I almost fell off my chair. Why in the world does any person "need" a ring of that value???? YOu dont. and all of that other jewelry? Why is it needed? Its actually crazy if you think about it. Its just too much. And no young girl needs that stuff at all. Why are there no takanot about THOSE prices? Crazy!!! Mamash crazy.

Iirc, there were but they went ignored because "why should my daughter not get what every other girl got"?
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SRS




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 11:04 am
People can spend a massive amount on weddings. But I find it ludicrous to hear of families just spending so much on an aufruf seudah (not at all necessary) and on jewelry. Not into takanas, but perhaps all jewelry should not cost more than 2 months of the chossen's take home pay, sorta like the "norm" put out by the diamond industry for the engagement ring. There just needs to be a limit.
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The Happy Wife




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 1:05 pm
tf wrote:
Definitely has to do with circles. Shtreimel $1500x2, bekishe X2 plus tish bekishe x2, Shabbos shoes more expensive than regular x2, mechiteneste dress $1500-2000, Sheva bruchos dresses x12, make up costs more, these people probably don't buy $12 earrings even for vochen, different jewelry for every yomtov each costs minimum $1000, etc. Etc.


Ok, definitely not my circle but even still I'm not getting how someone could need 12 sheva bracha dresses?
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 1:16 pm
The Happy Wife wrote:
Ok, definitely not my circle but even still I'm not getting how someone could need 12 sheva bracha dresses?


I'm guessing they mean 1 dress per family member.
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 1:23 pm
The amount of waste that is indicated in these posts is unbelievable... new jewelry for every yom tov? Seriously??
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suremom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 1:24 pm
SRS wrote:
People can spend a massive amount on weddings. But I find it ludicrous to hear of families just spending so much on an aufruf seudah (not at all necessary) and on jewelry.

I find it way more ludicrous when people spend massive amounts on the wedding. I would much rather have $12,000 jewelry and $2,000 wedding than vice versa.


Last edited by suremom on Thu, Jun 30 2016, 1:24 pm; edited 1 time in total
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tf




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 1:24 pm
The happy wife. 12 Sheva bruchos dresses for the 4-8 girls at home, plus mechiteneste.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 1:28 pm
tf wrote:
The happy wife. 12 Sheva bruchos dresses for the 4-8 girls at home, plus mechiteneste.
Why does any family member need new outfits for siblings sheva brachot? Gosh, myself and dh didnt even buy new outfits for our sheva brachot. Why would family members need? I really dont get that.
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 1:29 pm
This is crazy. Guess I should be feeling deprived but am not as I have a great DH who made dinner last night :-). And the DH is what matters in the end. Didn't get anywhere close to this amount of stuff. DH is a BT so didn't know what a was "expected" and I as a FFB didn't push because whatever he gave was from the heart. I didn't want him to resent giving it or feel pressure.


And what's with the car thing mentioned above?
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 1:30 pm
OP here. My coworker is not chassidish. They are a Yeshivish family and he is not in kollel as he is my coworker. Regarding the programs, a family of ten can make 67910 and be on Medcaid. This guy has ten kids but two are married so his family size is ten. I want to believe that he is making more than that and if he is not how on earth is he coughing up nearly one years salary on a wedding. A family of ten can make 63984 and be on foodstamps. The cost of living in NY is so high that unless your parents are paying a lot of your expenses it is nearly impossible to be eligible for programs. (that is why there is so much under the table cash stuff going on in NY but thats a whole different discussion) The housewares and furniture fall on the girl side to pay not the boy side. This is by no means a fancy wedding. It is being in Viznets in Boro Park which is one of the cheapest halls in Brooklyn which is why I can't simply wrap my head around what is costing 50k.
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 1:33 pm
That is unbelievable... Vizhnitz's basic price is $12,000, which is one of the cheapest prices in Brooklyn. For that kind of wedding, the boy's side is paying $50,000?? I don't get it.

Last edited by amother on Thu, Jul 04 2019, 6:15 pm; edited 1 time in total
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suremom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 1:34 pm
shabbatiscoming wrote:
Why does any family member need new outfits for siblings sheva brachot? Gosh, myself and dh didnt even buy new outfits for our sheva brachot. Why would family members need? I really dont get that.

think 5 girls ages 5-17, growing stages, they do need shabbos clothes and it needs to be bought sometime. so you buy it before the wedding easily comes up to 10-12 outfits.
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 1:40 pm
smileforamile wrote:
That is unbelievable... Vizhnitz's basic price is $12,000, which is one of the cheapest prices in Brooklyn. For that kind of wedding, the boy's side is paying $50,000?? I don't get it.

there are cheaper halls in williamsburg. pardes faiga/tzvi is way less.
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simcha2




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 1:55 pm
Here is how we worked out how much to spend. My parents said we can contribute this much, my in-laws said we can give this much, (it came to a total of 20,000) and dh and I planned a wedding to fit those numbers.

The only separate thing (and the only jewelry) was my engagement ring which dh worked for and paid for.

I think it is crazy to plan the wedding and then try to work out how to pay for it. Work out what you can afford and then plan the wedding! It is only one day!
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tf




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 30 2016, 1:59 pm
Viznitz price of $12,000 is for chasana night alone, not aufruf, Sheva bruchos, setting up a new home, or chussen wear. Oh, and dressing up family.
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