How much does wedding cost boys side?

amother

Mint

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 3:18 pm

amother wrote:

OI want to believe that he is making more than that and if he is not how on earth is he coughing up nearly one years salary on a wedding.

We have been saving for our kids weddings since the day they were born. We put away a minimum of 50, but our average is 150\month. every month into mutual funds that we hope will do ok. We hope to have at least 30K, if not more (depending on how the mutual funds do) when it comes time to make their weddings. iy'h this should help that we won't spend a years salary on the wedding.

Another mom

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 4:17 pm

All I can say is - do this in Israel.... Machzorim etc $600 ??? Crazy in my book. I got leather machzorim for a B Mitzva and it was 500 Shkalim, like $125. So add for the siddor but still...
We never get such expensive jewels and averyone is happy. (OK u don't want to be "fashamed") The ufruf - no way NEAR that cost.
It's a shame you have to pay good earned money for some of those things. But - Mazal Tov, they should enjoy Smile

Another mom

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 4:21 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

This. Exactly this. When I read some of the posts that said that engagement rings are 5 k I almost fell off my chair. Why in the world does any person "need" a ring of that value???? YOu dont. and all of that other jewelry? Why is it needed? Its actually crazy if you think about it. Its just too much. And no young girl needs that stuff at all. Why are there no takanot about THOSE prices? Crazy!!! Mamash crazy.

I say - save some gifts for birthdays and anniversaries. You are giving too much at once.

cnc

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 4:59 pm

Another mom wrote:

The machzorim are way cheaper in Israel because that's where they are produced. What you purchased for $125 is mostly likely around $500 in the US.

My husband bought machzorim directly from the factory when he was in Israel and they were about a quarter of the price there.

amother

Oak

Fri, Aug 12 2016, 3:00 am

If they are only doing flop on that hall it should be around $5,000.
ring 3000
bracelet 1000
diamond necklace 1200
machzorim siddur tehillim 750
No earrings
shadchan 1200
gowns everyone was different but around 400
hair 75 a head
makeup 125 a face
leichters 2000
ufruf 2000
vort flowers 250
shabbos kallah flowers 200
FLOP 8000
chosson wardrobe 1500

He can make the wedding for a lot less- there are cheaper makeup artists, gowns, Jewlery etc. there are a lot of areas to cut back if you can't afford it. People are competing with each other, whether they can afford to or not, and that creates the so called "standard". Everyone should do what they can afford. There is no reason to go into debt for a wedding.

amother

Burgundy

Fri, Aug 12 2016, 5:29 am

People who are not chassidish won't understand the peer pressure and the norm that people have to put up with. Not giving jewelry, (every piece) machzorim, Leichter,, and a gift that is wrapped every Yom yov during engagement, furniture, new wardrobe, and the list goes on, is not an option. That includes the poor and those on programs. People are in debt and work their entire life to pay it off. Even long after the kids are married. The burden is heavy. People even collect money for this. Of course the poor are going to spend less on all these things, but they still have to buy it. We have packages, discounts, halls with discounts for Sheva broches, and for many things to make it easier.

Is it normal? No. But, that is unfortunately our reality. People feel stuck. You just can't imagine the pressure if you don't live in such a community. You can't marry off your child otherwise.

ruchelbuckle

Fri, Aug 12 2016, 8:26 am

I just want to echo the burgundy amother above me. For those of us not chassidishe, we really can't understand many of the social pressures/cultural norms that are part of being chassidishe. I don't have a ton of chassidishe friends, but from the few that I have, I have come to understand that there is a very "linear" and "set structure" to a lot of things.

I don't think us pointing fingers or screeching "that's insane" are really helpful when people are venting.

amother

Babyblue

Fri, Aug 12 2016, 10:39 am

amother wrote:

actually, my friend, who is not chassidish, gave me a different point of view last week. most of her close friends are chassidish, so she knows how it works. we were discussing what chassidim get, how they get all "set up" and she said that its not like in yeshivish circles their not spending the money, their just spending the money differently. For example, her chosson will be learning for many years. IYH, so instead of spending 30,0000 on furniture, etc (yes thats how much it costs, look at my local chasunah plan ad, "starting at 13,000 each side. thats STARTING) their putting it towards support.

ruchelbuckle

Fri, Aug 12 2016, 11:03 am

amother wrote:

Amother, that might be true, but that's not really the point that I was making --- (and burgundy amother above me) was that there are often very rigid social/cultural norms in the chassidishe olam that are not found in the yeshivish world (especially in the realm of shidduchim).

In the yeshivish world, I think you find more of a diversity in terms if "norms" in a lot of the "externals." Because there is this range of what's considered acceptable, there isn't as much pressure to conform with some things. Oh for sure, you have certain circles where leasing a car for your son in law in expected.... But if you want to avoid that type of financial pressure, you certainly can.

I live in a fairly low income community, and the families here are making shidduchim, yes --- with mainstream learning boys in the metro NY area. They are just looking for families who have similar expectations..... No big deal. The kids aren't getting all the jewelry, esrog boxes, machzorim, new furniture, etc.... that seems is m'kubal in the chassidishe circles (and wealthier yeshivish ones).

That's really my point-- in the chassidishe world, I get the impression that it's harder to go against the grain when it comes to some of these things, In non- chassidishe circles (especially non -Hungarian!), if you want to go against the "norms" you will have plenty of people to come along with you.

amother

Apricot

Mon, Aug 15 2016, 1:45 pm

amother wrote:

no furniture costs 30000. I got top of the line italian and it came out to 20000 (8000 bdrm=12k dining room) those ads you see are for way more than furniture. usually includes jewelry, machzorim (for both), chosson watch, tallis, tallis bags, kittel, linen/towels/tablecloths, house-goods, dinette set etc. basically everything needed to set up a house. I dont know anyone who got 30k furniture, or even 26k furniture. my in-laws just married off a child. they took this package and the entire wedding + setting up apt was less than 25k (for girl) chassidish style.

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Aug 15 2016, 2:34 pm

amother wrote:

I recently shopped around for furniture in boro park and monsey - I know the prices - I saw dining room sets for 20k... years ago my sister paid 15k.. and my friend who recently got married paid in the mid twenties for bedroom and dining room and dinette. my eyes went shock

and I dont think her fam is that wealthy...

yes there are cheaper sets.. starting at 6,000 I would think.. also, just because they told u u got italian, doesnt mean its actually italian.

30k is not so far fetched

PinkFridge

Mon, Aug 15 2016, 2:50 pm

amother wrote:

I feel bad for these kids. How many of them know what their tastes will be like down the road, what works for them together? And how many of these mothers are buying their dream sets? Because for these prices I assume the furniture will last for a while and the kids will be stuck.

amother

Apricot

Mon, Aug 15 2016, 2:50 pm

amother wrote:

I got married recently. I know the prices on the market. the local ads dont advertise 30k sets.