I don't feel beautiful in tichels and hats

rimon613

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 2:02 am

I strongly believe that the right way to cover your hair is with a hat or a tichel and not with a sheital. I am sure Sara Imeinu and all our other Imahot didn't wear sheitals. But the problem is that I really don't feel beautiful in them and I look much more beautiful in a sheital. What should I do?

Iymnok

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 2:41 am

According to Halacha, your hair must be covered. A sheitel covers it well, as do hats, scarves, snoods, shpitzels etc.
how do you wear your tichels? The colors and way of wrapping make a big difference in your whole appearance.
I feel that many of my sefardi friends look so regal in their head coverings. It always looks like they are holding their head up tall.
Are you looking for chizuk or ideas?

champion

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 5:39 am

rimon613 wrote:

I was going to genuinely give you some help or ideas. I just got a bit turned off by the way you worded your post.
I don't mind if you believe that something is your standard. but this has nothing to do with the imahos. rather what we believe hashem wants from us.
The imahos might not have worn the pashmina or pretied you are wearing on you head.....lol.
the avos probably wore robes and the imahos probably did not wear those many deniered socks.(maybe they did not even wear socks at all)
One of the imahos married at three. and another married a man who was married to her sister.
Point is. what does hashem want from you. today.

champion

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 5:43 am

your post reminds me of the parshah sheets my siblings and I used to bring home from school.
Each picture had the individuals from tanach drawn like the sect they represented.
streimels and curly payos, sandals and robes, hats and trimmed beards.
(We all went to schools with a wide variety of affiliations)

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 6:49 am

OP, when you see a woman whose appearance you admire, think about how you can emulate her (type of scarf, wrap style, etc). You could even ask her where she shops or if she can recommend a good style for you.

Also think about exactly what you find un-beautiful about yourself. Some women use various means to create a look of fullness or height. Some find their features are flattered by wearing a hat with a brim, rather than a beret or snood.

lavender_dew

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 8:35 am

I used to only wear berets, pre-ties and the plain Israeli tichels. But I just recently started wearing a volumizer with some beautiful new styles of Israeli scarves. Now that I'm trying a new style of covering, I definitely feel beautiful and regal. Try different styles that work with your face shape. If you don't wear a volumizer already, I highly recommend trying one out because it totally changes the way every scarf will look on you. You can make styling them a lot of fun, too. Watch YouTube videos on different ways to tie them. Match the color in your scarf or hat with some fun earrings or a lipstick color (if you wear it). There are so many possibilities. Good luck!

Rubber Ducky

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 9:04 am

Try different headcoverings until you figure out what looks right on you. I look best in a hat with a brim (see my avatar Very Happy

). Wonderful DDIL looks like a model in Wrapunzel-type pashminas. She uses a volumizer too. The Wrapunzel website has several tutorial videos on wraps: http://www.wrapunzel.com/tutorials/

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 9:19 am

I was also going to suggest Wrapunzel. They have lots of tutorials (on their youtube chanel) for different kinds of wraps that you can experiment to see what style works best for you (they even have a tutorial somewhere about finding a wrap style according to your face shape). And they sell gorgeous scarves and accessories (and yes volumizers make such a big difference in the tichel "look")

Coffee Addict

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 9:43 am

champion wrote:

I totally agree with you.

shaindy3

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 10:07 am

rimon613 wrote:

I'm not understanding what you mean by "you believe".

why don't you follow your minhag (which sounds like allows you to wear a sheital just "you beleive") and just wear it. are you a rav?

TeachersNotebook

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 10:10 am

OP, I don't understand why you strongly feel that sheitels are an inferior way to cover your hair. As other posters have said, I'm not sure what Sara Imeinu has to do with it. Can you elaborate?

2cents

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 10:33 am

shaindy3 wrote:

I'm not understanding what you mean by "you believe".

why don't you follow your minhag (which sounds like allows you to wear a sheital just "you beleive") and just wear it. are you a rav?

Why does someone have to be a rav according to you in order to have an independent thought or feeling about halacha?

I don't understand why you think it's wrong for someone to believe something based on their feelings and own thoughts. When the op sees sheitels something doesn't sit right with her, it doesn't feel proper and tznius to her. Hence, she believes that the proper way, spirit of the law if not letter of the law, is to not wear sheitels.

Signed, the only hat-wearer in a family full of sheitel wearers

pointyshoes

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 10:42 am

It sounds like you're having a conflict of comforts. Its within your spiritual comfort to only wear hats but not within your physical (and highly valid) need to look beautiful. Because both of these needs are so important, one will have to win.
Perhaps you'd feel comfortable wearing a wig with a hat/scarf on top?

chicco

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 12:46 pm

Wearing colors that suit you, with a little make up and the right earrings can really make a difference! Also finding a flattering way to tie the tichel can help.

watergirl

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 12:55 pm

Another vote for Wrapunzel. They even advertise on this site, just look for the ad and click. And there are literally a hundred tutorials on youtube.

tichellady

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 1:16 pm

I feel the same way as you do ( minus the imahot part). I am less pretty in a Tichel and I accept that. I have a wig they I wear to weddings because I really can't stand wearing a wedding outfit with a Tichel or a hat. I Know I'm not being totally consistent and I accept that too.

water_bear88

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 1:32 pm

Another vote for Wrapunzel. Also, something I only realized fairly recently (and I've only been wearing tichels and hats for a few years already)- if you wear a tichel or hat that's close in color and tone to your hair, it will probably suit you whatever you wear (within reason) that you wore before you started covering. If you wear a quite different color on your head, it may well suit your face, but it may not work with old outfits even if they technically match.

If what I'm saying isn't clear- I have dark hair, so if I wear a black or dark brown headcovering, I don't need to think too much about what I wear it with. White or medium-to-light gray, though, while they're neutral and usually suit my face, reduce my overall contrast, so I find I need to wear lighter colors than I used to.

Shuly

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 6:03 pm

They wore sheitels in the shtetels in Europe. Obviously that's not as far back as the Imahos, but sheitels are not a "new American" invention.

Last edited by Shuly on Fri, Jul 01 2016, 9:28 am; edited 1 time in total

le cure

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 9:45 pm

I hate how I look in scarves and tichels! but recently I figured out what works really nicely for me. I put on some really good makeup, the kind that looks very casual and natural but makes me look and feel beautiful.
I feel what matches a tichel/scarf/wtvr, is some healthy dewy skin, with a light bronzer in the right places, plus an eye opening mascara technique where I do not look so made up, but my eyes stand out. this way I look less like a person with cloth on my head and no hair, and more like a beautiful radiant face. I think personally u are doing a beautiful thing, even though I loveeee my sheitel, there are alot of yetzer haras that come with it for me like length for ex. and I think ur intention is beautiful. hatzlocha

imeinu

Thu, Jun 30 2016, 10:13 pm

the color of the tichel & makeup are important factors to keep in mind. One other thing I find is a simple pair of earrings - like pearl studs also adds so much to your face making you look so much nicer in a tichel.

what exactly are your issues with the way you look in snoods & tichels.
Maybe if you post, we can help you out with coloring & different ideas?