Help! 2 yr. old son is biting other children

amother

Mauve

Wed, Jul 06 2016, 10:08 pm

My 2 yr old son is quite an active and intense child. His babysitter is now complaining that he is biting the other children. What am I supposed to do- he is only 2 so can't explain much to him...?? Help

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Jul 06 2016, 10:19 pm

What?? Two year olds are definitely old enough to understand. How long has this been going on? How have you tried to deal with it so far? And how is babysitter dealing with it?

The Happy Wife

Wed, Jul 06 2016, 10:35 pm

Is it only at babysitting, or have you seen him bite other times?

A 2 yr old should be able to understand most things you say, so explaining is very helpful. I think you should clearly say "we don't bite people" and give an immediate and consistent consequence.

amother

Mauve

Thu, Jul 07 2016, 1:21 am

I have seen him biting as well, and of course gave a consequence and explained, but those things have not been very effective...my son is quite the devil. I'm at my wits end

Thu, Jul 07 2016, 1:55 am

Give him food and demonstrate to him that this is what you bite.

Is he using biting as a way to get something? If so, teach him to say the words, one word at a time and then the entire sentence (an easy one please). When he verbalizes, he can have it.

He might be teething. Give him a teething ring and teach him to ask for it .

Some children with sensory issues bite, but don't jump to this one yet. If this is what your child is going through, he will most likely have other symptoms of sensory problems as well.

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, Jul 07 2016, 1:58 am

Is this something new? He's probably teething. This is how a lot of aggressive childhood biting starts. It's really important to do whatever you can to interrupt this pattern without unintentionally reinforcing it. At this age time outs reinforce the behavior you are trying to eliminate. I would stop time outs altogether. I would do whatever I had to to keep him home for a while, say 2 weeks or so, attend to the teething and provide an environment where biting just can't and won't happen. If biting does happen I would give him something acceptable to bit on and redirect but not give it any extra attention. And I would work very hard on not thinking of him as a devil. If you think of him that way that's exactly what he'll be.

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Jul 07 2016, 7:49 am

tf wrote:

I would be very careful giving a child something when they bite that they don't see it as a treat and you end up reinforcing the behavior.

I agree that it could be sensory. Doesn't hurt to get an eval.

Thu, Jul 07 2016, 9:42 am

Seagreen, of course it shouldn't be given as a treat, but rather along with words that mean "we don't bite children in this place, we bite food". The reason? Some kids out of hunger bite anything they come in contact with. They need to be taught how to deal with the feeling of hunger. I would NEVER punish a 2 year old. This age is VERY open to learning through guidance, play with other children and adults, and communication. I've been dealing with this population for years and years. This age group NEVER misbehaves. If that's what it looks like, then go back to the above 3 ways they learn and teach it to them.
Another thing they need is attention and physical touch. Don't give this immediately after biting, but keep in mind that they need it on a daily basis and provide it on a consistent basis throughout the day.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jul 07 2016, 9:47 am

My sister was a biter, big time! I only bit back in self defense. DD was a biter for a really long time, but it slowly got better. She mostly only bit me. Confused

I think that a time out is appropriate, if he can't escape it. I used a pack n'play at that age. I would scoop up DD, put her in, and say "No biting". Make sure that there is NOTHING within reach that he can grab, throw, or play with while he is in there. It should not be a game. The point is that when he bites, the consequence is that he gets bored, and can't interact.

Can you think of any specific triggers? You need to know what happens before the biting starts. Playing too rough, not being able to use his words, not sharing toys, needing a nap, sore gums, wanting a snack, jealousy... Biting is a form of communication. What is he trying to say?

If he's teething, ask him if his teeth hurt, and have him point to the area that hurts. Give him frozen green beans, and tell him to chew on the owie spot. It works miracles. If he's overstimulated, a time out will help him calm down.

amother

Mauve

Thu, Jul 07 2016, 11:37 am

tf wrote:

Some children with sensory issues bite, but don't jump to this one yet. If this is what your child is going through, he will most likely have other symptoms of sensory problems as well.

What would be symptoms of sensory issues?

HonesttoGod

Thu, Jul 07 2016, 11:43 am

Can he talk?
My son bit twice in playgroup when he was that age. Both times it was out of frustration that the other kid was taking his toy and not understanding that my son was trying to play WITH him not give it TO him. He couldn't talk very well. Nothing wrong with the fact that he can't talk at the age of 2 but it can cause frustration among peers.

This may sound nasty but I know several people who swear by it - when he bites, give him an onion to bite. It tastes bad and he will associate it with biting = bad.

You can also give consequences to a 2 yr old. They may not understand fully or may not care but it is still important to show that you don't support this behavior.
EG: He bites a kid who tries to take his toy, he doesn't get the toy (but neither does the other kid)
He bites a kid because he wants to have the other childs candy, he doesn't get candy. Etc.

Chayalle

Thu, Jul 07 2016, 11:45 am

FF has hit it on the nail again.

My DD, who has been both sensory and impulsive, was the biter in her two year old playgroup. Other mothers were calling for her immediate expulsion, and I could hardly blame them! It also cost me a spot in 3 year old playgroup - the Morah suddenly didn't have room for me, and I know others who registered thereafter (but B"H ended up sending to someone fabulous - a better choice for us).

I consulted with Mrs Trenk in Lakewood - she's considered to be a behavioral expert by many, and I also paid for the Morah to have a session with her. Her basic premise was that a child who is biting must be restrained. The babysitter will have to be vigilant for a day or two, watching your child closely and restraining him, whether on her lap or in a pac-n-play, when he is about to bite - teaching him that the freedom to play is granted to those who do not hurt other children.

My DD's issue was resolved in about a week. When implemented properly, it works really quickly. A smart kid like your child will get it!

Thu, Jul 07 2016, 1:00 pm

Other symptoms for sensory issues to be evaluated are (not limited to, though):
A need to touch everything in sight,
Is bothered by getting dirty, even just a little bit (rushes to wash hands or face a few times at every meal)
Is uncomfortable with certain clothing, like polyester,
A zipper or tag on clothing hurts
Has a strong need to touch themselves in inappropriate ways, like thumb sucking, private areas, twisting hair,
Well fitted shoes are uncomfortable,
Doesn't let others come close,
I believe there's more. These are just from the top of my head.

amother

Purple

Thu, Jul 07 2016, 2:36 pm

2 yo DD was biting and I asked the morah to look for what was triggering it.
It turned out she was always biting in self defense - usually because someone took a toy away from her.

The other parents were upset, but we realized it was always the same 2 kids getting bitten, and they were really bullying DD and taking her toys away.

The morah had to teach the ones who were getting bitten how to play nicely with other kids and she also worked with my DD to use her words instead of biting.

She did not punish DD as biting is totally age-appropriate for a 2 year old, especially one who frustrates easily and has difficulty expressing herself.

B"H the biting stopped and all the kids learned how to play with others, which is a normal learning process in a 2 year old playgroup.

amother

Amber

Thu, Jul 07 2016, 7:12 pm

amother wrote:

Put pepper in the child's mouth right after they bite.

I did that with an older child who started biting and it worked. I would not suggest it for a 2 year old, but with my 4 -5 year old, I was desperate and I don't regret it. His biting had got him great reactions, and this was the only thing that really worked.