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Powerful Letter!



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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2016, 7:29 am
This is the most amazing thing I've read on parenting in a long time. It's so true, so heartbreaking, and yet hopeful at the same time. Mandatory reading for anyone who is parenting a teen or tween!

http://gretchenschmelzer.com/p.....e-you
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2016, 8:04 am
No no no if this had been written by a real teen they would never agree to be spoken about behind their back. Ugh
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2016, 8:28 am
Zehava wrote:
No no no if this had been written by a real teen they would never agree to be spoken about behind their back. Ugh


Of course it's not written by a real teen. It's written by an adult who is looking back at her teen years.

My DD has told me that she doesn't care if I talk about her on Imamother (I asked her first), because she knows that I only want to be the best mom I can be, and that I'm not just speaking loshon hara about her.
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amother
Slategray


 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2016, 8:29 am
Zehava wrote:
No no no if this had been written by a real teen they would never agree to be spoken about behind their back. Ugh


I don't think it was written by a teen since it sounds more informative and doesn't claim to be, but as a teen I would have been fine with anything like that. Not all teens are the same, especially if it was a part of an assignment in English or another class or therapy in a healthy environment. It's also not representative of every teen, but just something to think about.
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amother
Smokey


 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2016, 8:33 am
Parenting is hard enough already, and my eldest is not even 7 yet.

Quote:
I know there is nothing inherently satisfying in this job for you. I know I will likely never thank you for it or even acknowledge your side of it. In fact I will probably criticize you for all this hard work. It will seem like nothing you do will be enough. And yet, I am relying entirely on your ability to stay in this fight.


I feel like there's no hope or light at the end of the tunnel if this is what I have to look forward to. I'm just not cut out for this. I'm too weak. I'm already in therapy, both alone and with my kids, and it's a struggle every single day. This sounds like hell.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2016, 8:51 am
amother wrote:
Parenting is hard enough already, and my eldest is not even 7 yet.

Quote:
I know there is nothing inherently satisfying in this job for you. I know I will likely never thank you for it or even acknowledge your side of it. In fact I will probably criticize you for all this hard work. It will seem like nothing you do will be enough. And yet, I am relying entirely on your ability to stay in this fight.


I feel like there's no hope or light at the end of the tunnel if this is what I have to look forward to. I'm just not cut out for this. I'm too weak. I'm already in therapy, both alone and with my kids, and it's a struggle every single day. This sounds like hell.


Hug

It really does get better. It's like constantly living in a thunderstorm, but every once in a rare while, a ray of sunshine breaks through. Hold on to those moments, and use them as a touchstone for when you're going through the rough times. Remember that the sunshine is your child's true personality, struggling to get through.

Sunny
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crbc




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2016, 4:03 pm
Love it ! I will show it to my husband tonight . Thanks for posting!
I was just telling my husband recently that having 11 months old and a newborn was way way easier then having 15 and 16 years old Wink
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2016, 4:24 pm
crbc wrote:
Love it ! I will show it to my husband tonight . Thanks for posting!
I was just telling my husband recently that having 11 months old and a newborn was way way easier then having 15 and 16 years old Wink


My kiddo is 13. She seems to go back and forth between acting 3, and 30!
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2016, 4:39 pm
This letter reminds me of some of the essential points from the book "I Hate You, Get Out of My Life, But First Can You Drive Me and Cheryl To The Mall." Best description of teenagers today out there. I found that book a lifesaver (as the mother of four teenagers, with one pre-teen (11 year old) who is precociously already there.....)

My oldest son is 18 now, and he's starting to become human again. It's starting to be enjoyable to have a conversation with him. He's starting to use actual logic to approach situations, and to be able to see things from others' perspectives. So there IS hope.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2016, 4:46 pm
yes this sounds like what a young adult would have like to have told her mother when she was in her teens and struggling ...

definitely thought provoking and the lesson learned is never to give up & to always love unconditionally

somewhere deep down they are listening and it plays back in their mind and hopefully helps them survive
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2016, 4:53 pm
I think this letter hit me extra hard, because when I was 15 my parents threw me out of the house. Their church pastor told them that they could not have a "rebellious child" in the home, because I would ruin my innocent sister. Rolling Eyes I've had abandonment issues ever since.

My sister learned to stuff her feelings down and be the "good girl", and compensated by over eating instead of expressing herself. She's still very overweight, and has a hard time communicating emotions. She knows it's "not safe", and that people will reject you if you are authentic.

My sister and I have forgiven our parents, but the damage has still been done.
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2016, 5:08 pm
FranticFrummie wrote:
I think this letter hit me extra hard, because when I was 15 my parents threw me out of the house. Their church pastor told them that they could not have a "rebellious child" in the home, because I would ruin my innocent sister. Rolling Eyes I've had abandonment issues ever since.

My sister learned to stuff her feelings down and be the "good girl", and compensated by over eating instead of expressing herself. She's still very overweight, and has a hard time communicating emotions. She knows it's "not safe", and that people will reject you if you are authentic.

My sister and I have forgiven our parents, but the damage has still been done.


Wow. That's so sad. I can't even wrap my mind around it. What did you do? Where did you go?
Do you think it contributed to the wise, empathic person you are today? Because you certainly seem to have a lot of insight into human nature on this site.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2016, 7:47 pm
debsey wrote:
Wow. That's so sad. I can't even wrap my mind around it. What did you do? Where did you go?
Do you think it contributed to the wise, empathic person you are today? Because you certainly seem to have a lot of insight into human nature on this site.


I slept on park benches, and begged for spare change. Sometimes, if I found an unlocked car, I would sleep there. It was summer, so I stole a lot of fruit off of people's trees so that I wouldn't starve. I shoplifted food if I thought I could get away with it, but I was terrified of getting caught.

Eventually I did get caught, and ended up in a foster home. B'H, my foster mom was a wonderful lady, tough but fair. She got me enrolled in school, and encouraged me to take an after school job as well. I graduated a semester ahead of my class, with a 4.0 GPA, while holding down two part time jobs at the same time.

I've been through more stuff than I will ever tell, but I can say that it's made me who I am today. To me, all I've been through is worthless, unless I can use it to help others. If I can give help to someone, then it was worthwhile.

Now I'm the mom that all my DD's friends come to when they have troubles. They know that I "get it", and won't judge. I'm honored that I've earned their trust.
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tweek




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 11 2016, 9:29 am
Frantic Frumimie, I have always admired you and your posts, but now, reading a bit of your history, I am just totally blown away! You are a major inspiration!
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Coffee Addict




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 11 2016, 9:48 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
I slept on park benches, and begged for spare change. Sometimes, if I found an unlocked car, I would sleep there. It was summer, so I stole a lot of fruit off of people's trees so that I wouldn't starve. I shoplifted food if I thought I could get away with it, but I was terrified of getting caught.

Eventually I did get caught, and ended up in a foster home. B'H, my foster mom was a wonderful lady, tough but fair. She got me enrolled in school, and encouraged me to take an after school job as well. I graduated a semester ahead of my class, with a 4.0 GPA, while holding down two part time jobs at the same time.

I've been through more stuff than I will ever tell, but I can say that it's made me who I am today. To me, all I've been through is worthless, unless I can use it to help others. If I can give help to someone, then it was worthwhile.

Now I'm the mom that all my DD's friends come to when they have troubles. They know that I "get it", and won't judge. I'm honored that I've earned their trust.


Wow. I have no words. You're just AMAZING! Good for you, for turning a horrible situation in something so positive.
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 11 2016, 12:19 pm
FranticFrummie wrote:
I slept on park benches, and begged for spare change. Sometimes, if I found an unlocked car, I would sleep there. It was summer, so I stole a lot of fruit off of people's trees so that I wouldn't starve. I shoplifted food if I thought I could get away with it, but I was terrified of getting caught.

Eventually I did get caught, and ended up in a foster home. B'H, my foster mom was a wonderful lady, tough but fair. She got me enrolled in school, and encouraged me to take an after school job as well. I graduated a semester ahead of my class, with a 4.0 GPA, while holding down two part time jobs at the same time.

I've been through more stuff than I will ever tell, but I can say that it's made me who I am today. To me, all I've been through is worthless, unless I can use it to help others. If I can give help to someone, then it was worthwhile.

Now I'm the mom that all my DD's friends come to when they have troubles. They know that I "get it", and won't judge. I'm honored that I've earned their trust.


Hug That's amazing. Are you still in touch with your foster mom? What you wrote reminds me of Victor Frankl's Man's Search For Meaning - the idea that the things we suffer through are valuable inasmuch as they create who we are today.
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