Large age gap marriages

pointyshoes

Tue, Jul 19 2016, 11:56 am

Do they make you feel uncomfortable? How?
I was thinking about Donald Trump and his wife being 24 years apart. He could be her father.
How do you think it reflects on either spouse in a relationship like this, if at all?

LisaS

Tue, Jul 19 2016, 12:14 pm

We have family friends where the wife is 20 years OLDER than the husband. She is in her 80's with a very young personality and he is in his 60's but could pass for much older. They are happily married for many years. It is very unusual. But I can't say that it makes me feel uncomfortable.

invisiblecircus

Tue, Jul 19 2016, 12:32 pm

pointyshoes wrote:

Do they make you feel uncomfortable?

No.

bluebird

Tue, Jul 19 2016, 12:40 pm

I'll admit I find it weird when it crosses generations, and I find it weirder when the woman is older because I've been conditioned my whole life that the man should be older, but not too much older.

Everyone, including me, has reactions like this to at least or two things that are out of the ordinary or not considered "normal" in their culture. What's important is accepting that immediate reaction, then responding to it intellectually and MYOB.

amother

Jetblack

Tue, Jul 19 2016, 12:41 pm

My father is 20 years older than his wife. She's 10 years older than me. It's definitely weird, but they really don't meet the stereotype. But yeah, it's definitely weird having kids close in age to my siblings and doing mom stuff with my stepmother. My mother has a teenager, somehow it's less weird, maybe because my kids are little, so she's still in a very different stage than me.

pointyshoes

Tue, Jul 19 2016, 12:58 pm

Obviously I'd MYOB in an actual situation.
It was more of a theoretical question.
I vaguely am acquainted with a couple like this and she seems like a gold digger and he seems a bit pervy. I wondered if other people also feel like this here.
I know IRL people find that couple uncomfortable to have around

amother

Ruby

Tue, Jul 19 2016, 1:00 pm

With regard to the Trumps, I get the impression that it's kind of like Hugh Hefner and his play bunny wives.

She wanted the money, he wanted her looks. Win win situation.

I wouldn't generalize about ALL age gap marriages though. But in the Trump case it seems to be pretty obvious.

amother

Green

Tue, Jul 19 2016, 1:03 pm

I would feel very weird if one of my parents married someone close to my age. But theoretically I just don't think about it.

amother

Blonde

Tue, Jul 19 2016, 1:13 pm

My husband's family tree is full of couples where the husband is brilliant, the wife is, well, not. Most males in his family have a sort of superiority complex. My husband's had to unlearn a lot...
Anyway, when his sister was dating I was wondering whether this dynamic would subconsciously play out, as she is brilliant. She ended up marrying a Chasidish Israeli and moving to Israel ( he'd be the stronger figure in a culture that is strange to her), and he's 8 years older than her. They have an awesome relationship.

Raisin

Tue, Jul 19 2016, 2:58 pm

I think more then 10 years is not ideal. Although I have no doubt that a 40 year man and a 26 year old women would likely not feel any different to each other, but what about a 30 year old man and 18 year old woman? Or one day the first couple will be at very different stages of life in terms of health and energy.

ra_mom

Tue, Jul 19 2016, 3:06 pm

pointyshoes wrote:

I think being uncomfortable has more to do with this specific couple that you know rather than marriages in general where there is a large age gap between the couple.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jul 19 2016, 3:10 pm

I would be more concerned about maturity levels, and where they were holding hashkafically.

DH is FFB, and 16 years older than I am. He's in perfect health, B'H.

I am a BT, with a 13yo DD, and I'm chronically ill. I have the body of an 80 year old.

DH has grandchildren from his first marriage, who are much older than my DD!

Somehow, we make it work (most days! Wink

)

rachel6543

Tue, Jul 19 2016, 3:24 pm

As long as the couple is happy, that is all that really matters. I personally dated a few people who were 10-11 yrs older and I didn't like the age gap. My husband is just 2.5 yrs older than me and that was a better fit for me personally.

Growing up my family was friends with a family where the husband was at least 30 years older than the wife. They have been married for at least 25 years now (prob much longer) and are still happily married. The husband must be in his 90s by now!!