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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
How do you afford it?
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amother
Copper


 

Post Tue, Jul 19 2016, 3:42 pm
This is a totally serious question, ok? I'm really struggling here: How do any of you afford to send your kids to school? Does everyone make $200k+ a year or what?

My dh has a great job, it pays well. I am a sahm and have been homeschooling. We have old used cars, shop at thrift stores, don't go out to eat, only eat meat on shabbos, live in a rental...in other words we live modestly.
I am at the point that I just cannot handle homeschooling any more. There are a variety of factors that go into this but I really need to be able to stop.
Trouble is that there is NO WAY we could afford to send even one child to school, and we have several children (we are done having children). We could maybe eek out $20 per child per month, tops. For numerous reasons I am limited in the type of job I can get and anything I could get wouldn't even pay enough to cover the cost of childcare for my two babies, so it's really not cost effective for me to work right now.

I'm seriously feeling stressed right now. I can't homeschool but I can't send to school, I feel stuck no matter what.


ETA: Please don't post about how I should have made different life choices. If I could go back and do things differently I would, but I can't, I can only go forward from here.
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amother
Plum


 

Post Tue, Jul 19 2016, 3:56 pm
I'm really not understanding how your husband makes a good salary and you can't afford $20/month. What do you call a good salary?

Here's how I do it. Our income is about $100,000 a year. We pay half our income to tuition. We moved out of NYC so were able to afford a home. It's still a struggle from month to month. I do side jobs on top of a full time job.
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Tue, Jul 19 2016, 3:59 pm
Op, what do you mean your dh has a great job that pays well? What's his approximate salary?
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amother
Copper


 

Post Tue, Jul 19 2016, 4:11 pm
Dh makes $110k a year before taxes, not sure what the actual take home pay is.

We also have $25k in medical bills we are trying to pay off. And no savings.
We live in NJ and we don't buy "extras".

Saying $20 per kid would be max was probably an exaggeration, but seriously $100 per child per month would be absolutely overwhelming and too much for us.

ETA: take home is $94k. I forgot to add that we do have other expenses such as baby formula, 2 kids in full time diapers, medical cream for me that's nearly $200 a month being some.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 19 2016, 4:26 pm
There is no magic answer. That's not enough money to pay for tuition for your family, I don't think it's possible. $110k is a good salary but not for an orthodox family with a number of kids in yeshiva day school living in New Jersey. Most families that pay tuition have 2 parents working or one parent making much more money ( like $300k) or they livr somewhere where living costs and tuition is cheaper. You can apply for scholarships and see what the schools can offer. I hope they can help you out.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 19 2016, 4:29 pm
Have you thought about public school? Have you thought about doing a home daycare to make money without having to find childcare for your kids?
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amother
Olive


 

Post Tue, Jul 19 2016, 4:59 pm
Have you thought about aliya?
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amother
Purple


 

Post Tue, Jul 19 2016, 5:06 pm
im a ba'al teshuva, and I regret becoming religious. No one EVER told me how expensive this lifestyle is. We are both hardworking and do decently, but tuition (and kosher food, and preparing for Yom tovim [however simply] and living by a shul and being a member of a shul) is absolutely killing us. We can't get ahead. We will never get ahead. Religious Judaism is for the rich, I've decided. At this point I'm committed to this exhorbitant life, however simply we live it, but if I had it to do over again I....wouldn't.
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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 19 2016, 5:18 pm
Op maybe give us a list of fixed expenses you have and maybe we can help u figure something out. I know it's stressful. I also struggle. I don't buy any clothes. I get used stuff or if mother in law wants to buy. Sometimes I make a list of stuff I have no choice and only buy that for shabbos. No I don't buy meat except for yt " I only buy if I can afford. I didn't buy clothes for years. Dh needed shoes for work so we went to Payless.
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MamaBear




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 19 2016, 5:29 pm
amother wrote:
im a ba'al teshuva, and I regret becoming religious. No one EVER told me how expensive this lifestyle is. We are both hardworking and do decently, but tuition (and kosher food, and preparing for Yom tovim [however simply] and living by a shul and being a member of a shul) is absolutely killing us. We can't get ahead. We will never get ahead. Religious Judaism is for the rich, I've decided. At this point I'm committed to this exhorbitant life, however simply we live it, but if I had it to do over again I....wouldn't.


I agree. The hardworking people I know with average jobs and no family wealth live at the near poverty level.This is just not fair. And I have an older son with learning disabilities and I wonder how he will ever hold a regular job, let alone one to pay for all this. Even if you live a very "simple" frum life, with shul membership, bare minimum tuition, kosher food, simchas to pay for (brissim, bar mitzvahs) etc etc it adds up to way more than non frum people pay for their day to day lives. I feel sick to my stomach worrying how my children will make it. We have enough that we personally do not struggle but not enough to pass on to them to take away their own struggle.
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Tue, Jul 19 2016, 5:35 pm
I do believe that most schools give scholarships. Call them and discuss it. I've never heard of a frum school saying "too bad, if you can't pay, you have to go to public school."
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amother
Lime


 

Post Tue, Jul 19 2016, 5:37 pm
I'm involved with my school's scholarship committee. Tuition is $14K and I believe they will not go below $5K per kid. That's a lot of money if you live basically month to month and need to have an emergency fund, retirement etc
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amother
Red


 

Post Tue, Jul 19 2016, 5:43 pm
amother wrote:
I'm involved with my school's scholarship committee. Tuition is $14K and I believe they will not go below $5K per kid. That's a lot of money if you live basically month to month and need to have an emergency fund, retirement etc

I'm not understanding how $110k is living month to month. They are not currently paying any tuition. OP where is all that money going?
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amother
Lime


 

Post Tue, Jul 19 2016, 5:53 pm
amother wrote:
I'm not understanding how $110k is living month to month. They are not currently paying any tuition. OP where is all that money going?


I never said it was living month to month. But many young families in America are and we hold frum families to a different standard.
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rachel6543




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 19 2016, 5:55 pm
It doesn't hurt to apply to the Jewish schools anyway and explain your financial situation. Maybe they can work something out. That's why schools have scholarships. You'll never know unless you ask. I can't afford the full tuition amount either and I only have one kid so far. I do qualify for a scholarship based on my financial situation.

And if homeschooling isn't working anymore, then look into public schools too. Public school isn't always ideal, but it can & does work out just fine for many kids. You can supplement Judaic studies at home. I'd see if there is a Hebrew Charter school (or other charter school) in your area.

It might help if you share what area you're in so people here can help you with more specific suggestions.

Good luck!
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Tue, Jul 19 2016, 5:59 pm
I can tell you that my dh and I make less then what your dh is bringing in. We do not get any programs or support just adding that in now. I have 2 in school now and do get a break from the school my little one is starting school in sept. but has been home with me. I do babysitting in my home so I can be home with my little ones and on vacations while earing a living I do have a house but we got a great deal on it and did not fix it up, It came out less then renting. I dont keep cy so that does make a difference and I coupon. we work really hard for everything. Our helth insurance is really high too. If you are really being so frugal and not paying tuison were is all your mony going ?figure that out and then see what you can pay then go talk to the schools near you.
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amother
Red


 

Post Tue, Jul 19 2016, 6:09 pm
Would it be possible to make changes to the way you homeschool that would make it more doable for you? If you're done you're done, but would you be open to continuing if certain things were changed or fixed to work better for you?
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Tue, Jul 19 2016, 8:10 pm
Move to Cleveland. I did for that reason. Their are tuition vouchers which cover half, and if you make under a certain income depending on family size, the school is not allowed to ask you for the remainder. If you don't make under the limit, you can request additional scholerships. Renting and buying a home are very inexpensive compared to nj.
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amother
Purple


 

Post Tue, Jul 19 2016, 10:01 pm
amother wrote:
Move to Cleveland. I did for that reason. Their are tuition vouchers which cover half, and if you make under a certain income depending on family size, the school is not allowed to ask you for the remainder. If you don't make under the limit, you can request additional scholerships. Renting and buying a home are very inexpensive compared to nj.


What other places have a setup like this?
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amother
Natural


 

Post Wed, Jul 20 2016, 4:35 am
NJ is not the cheapest place to live - even renting canbe expensive. And many of the schools are very expensive. But, there are places in NJ which are significantly cheaper, both in terms of housing and tuition (not as much as out of town, but still a significant difference). Maybe moving to another place in NJ would be a good option - your husband can keep his job because you're still nearby, but your living expenses could go down.

Which area of NJ are you in? Are you looking for a more yeshivish or more modern community (or something else)? I'm from NJ too and I'd be happy to suggest cheaper areas.
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