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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
DS 6 yo with strange behavior - Please help



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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Wed, Jul 20 2016, 3:48 am
DS went through a really hard time in school and his behavior, etc. really deteriorated. The sign that things had gone beyond control was when he actually urinated in his room on his bed, the floor and his sister's bed, more than once. B"H, we were able to speak with his teacher and things seem much, much better. He comes home happier, says things are better and is (somewhat) calmer at home.
The thing is, I have been noticing wet areas in the morning after he gets dressed, mostly on his sister's bed, that smell like urine. He insists it is not him, but I can't think of any other way it would have gotten there.
Any ideas as to how to deal with this? I am about to really explode!
(With this, my washing machine is not doing well at all, so each extra load is a really big deal.)
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amother
Puce


 

Post Wed, Jul 20 2016, 4:31 am
He might be a victim of child s-xual abuse. Didn't want to scare you, but as his mother, you need to know there's a possibility. Ask eitza or pediatrician how to proceed.
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amother
Linen


 

Post Wed, Jul 20 2016, 4:58 am
No ideas just sending you support amother. This sounds beyond frustrating as I find my 3 year old having accidents which is normal behavior very frustrating.

I agree child s-xual abuse is a possibility but so is bullying or any other social issue which he is acting out from at home.

Hatzlocha figuring it out huge hugs!!
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 20 2016, 5:11 am
There's no chance his sister is wetting the bed?

Instead of addressing the bed wetting, I'd ask him something like "tell me some of the things that make you mad at home. Tell me some things that make you mad at school. Tell me some things that your sister does that makes you mad."

Leave it very open ended and non judgmental. Ask him what kind of things would make him feel happier.

I had no idea DD was being bullied in first grade, until I asked her questions with this format. She didn't have the words to express what was going on, until I put it like that. If you just say "How was school today?" she would always answer "Fine" or "OK", but it really wasn't.
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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Wed, Jul 20 2016, 3:08 pm
FranticFrummie wrote:
There's no chance his sister is wetting the bed?

Instead of addressing the bed wetting, I'd ask him something like "tell me some of the things that make you mad at home. Tell me some things that make you mad at school. Tell me some things that your sister does that makes you mad."

Leave it very open ended and non judgmental. Ask him what kind of things would make him feel happier.

I had no idea DD was being bullied in first grade, until I asked her questions with this format. She didn't have the words to express what was going on, until I put it like that. If you just say "How was school today?" she would always answer "Fine" or "OK", but it really wasn't.

Thank you. I will Bez"H try this.
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Learning




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 21 2016, 2:07 pm
You can install a cheap camera to see what's going on there. In addition to figuring out what is bothering him at school. You wrote in your first post that things were not going in good in school and now is better. Did the teacher say what is the problem? It could be it didn't get better he just got used to it.
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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Thu, Jul 21 2016, 8:59 pm
So we started the conversation. DS pleaded not feeling well enough to go to school today. I got as far as asking what makes him mad at school. He said the kids call him names, hurt him, ruin his stuff. Before we were able to continue this, he remembered that there was to be a special show in school and B"H he felt better enough to go.
I spoke to his teacher who is really great, very tuned in to the children, etc. and the teacher did not know what he is talking about. Said DS plays nicely with friends and seems happy.
What now??
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 21 2016, 10:14 pm
amother wrote:
So we started the conversation. DS pleaded not feeling well enough to go to school today. I got as far as asking what makes him mad at school. He said the kids call him names, hurt him, ruin his stuff. Before we were able to continue this, he remembered that there was to be a special show in school and B"H he felt better enough to go.
I spoke to his teacher who is really great, very tuned in to the children, etc. and the teacher did not know what he is talking about. Said DS plays nicely with friends and seems happy.
What now??


You find a competent childrens therapist.
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Thu, Jul 21 2016, 10:14 pm
Not wanting to go to school and having accidents and "weird behavior" are all major signs of abuse. My son had accidents and I blamed it on the change in environment, that he had a new sibling, etc. When he had tantrums that he didn't want to go to school but couldn't explain why and said he did like school, I forced him to go. Three months after the tantrums started, he started talking about abuse. I would take your kid out of school/babysitters/camp and spend a lot of alone time. Sacrifice your time and energy for him. Either you will find out nothing (hopefully!) and you will gain a deeper relationship to him, or he will feel loved and secure enough to open up. Do not take this lightly.
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amother
Rose


 

Post Fri, Jul 22 2016, 2:18 am
amother wrote:
I spoke to his teacher who is really great, very tuned in to the children, etc. and the teacher did not know what he is talking about. Said DS plays nicely with friends and seems happy.
What now??

Is this teacher with your ds all day or is there another teacher/s? Is this teacher male or female? How does your ds get to and from school? What is the school bathroom situation like? Is it one room with a regular lockable door or a big room with a few stalls? How much supervision is there at recess and lunch? You need to do some more digging, maybe even pop in at school during the day and take a peek at your ds yourself without him seeing you if possible. Something is going on and either your ds isn't telling you the full story or the teacher isn't and you need to find out why and what is really happening.
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