Baby crying for 2 hours in bed.Do I take him out?

amother

Scarlet

Fri, Jul 22 2016, 11:26 am

Quote:

I'm crying for this poor baby. I graduated university with a first class degree in early childhood, I have read hundreds of books on methods of raising healthy children and NOWHERE does it say it is ok to allow a child to CIO

Well, then, you clearly have only read the books you wanted to, and not the many books that do talk about the CIO method.

Goodness. Let's stop bashing the OP. Good God.

And I let my DS CIO for an hour one night. The next night he cried maybe for 10 min. The next maybe 30 seconds. And he is a happy healthy well adjusted child, thank you very much.

allthingsblue

Fri, Jul 22 2016, 11:27 am

amother wrote:

I agree. I don't understand how did this whole thing start. Nobody can tell me that it is ok to let a baby scream in the dark. A friend of mine told me once you start doing it with one child you can't stop because it is so convenient especially with families with a lot of kids. I don't think it is allowed by Halacha. A mother has to answer her baby's cries. Hashem yerachem. I see kids who are so cruel and I think it stems from this. Their heart is hardened by this experience. I'm not judging anybody. Mashiach needs to come fast.

We are still in galus after 2000 years of crying to Hashem. What does that tell you?

I allowed my son to cio, it took 3 days. He is happy, sweet, helps other people, and loves me dearly despite that. He is 2 years old.

gp2.0

Fri, Jul 22 2016, 12:03 pm

Kangeroo wrote:

Further to our discussion on helping babies sleep better with regard to OP's reaching out for advice, and the immense amount of sleep books and sleep philosophies from CIO to co-sleeping/attachment parenting, I have been wondering about this for a for a long time - Do we have a mesorah for this in the Torah? Are there any medrashim or aggadoth or commentary that discusses this age old issue about babies/very young children and sleep?

My husband and I did find one reference in Bereshis (Torah with Rashi- The Saperstein Edition) about babies/young toddlers although not specifically about sleep with regard to Yitzchak Avinu when he was weaned: Bereshis 21:8. Rashi comments on "And he was weaned". He says he was weaned at the end of twenty-four months. And in Bereshis Rabbah (53:10, Kesubos 60a), it comments on "And he was weaned.". That is to say "And he was weaned" rather than "She weaned him.". The Gur Aryeh and Sifrei Chachamim say that this is the age at which babies naturally reject breastfeeding - at 24 months.

And from this reference, what can we glean about how Sara Imenu nursed Yitzchak Avinu from birth to 2 years Wink

(or even after 2 years)? How did she manage his sleeping and nursing both at night and during the day? Did she sleep with him? Did she have to teach him to sleep by himself nearby in another bed or crib-like structure?

What are your thoughts?

It's very likely that in the times of the Torah women wore their babies all day in a sling or basket, and at night babies slept either beside their mothers on the bed or in a basket right near the bed.

gp2.0

Fri, Jul 22 2016, 12:06 pm

Source: the shulchan arach allows relations if there is a baby in the room who can't talk yet (basically, 2 and under) EVEN IF the baby is awake.

Otherwise, the shulchan arach allows relations with children or even other adults in the room if they are asleep. From this we can infer that it was very common for young children to be near their parents at all times, and fairly common for whole families to sleep in one room.

amother

Firebrick

Fri, Jul 22 2016, 12:16 pm

gp2.0 wrote:

There is a source in chazal I don't remember where that a mother is not allowed to let her baby cry and will pay for it in shamayim if she does. Does anybody know where is it written?

gp2.0

Fri, Jul 22 2016, 1:11 pm

amother wrote:

There is a source in chazal I don't remember where that a mother is not allowed to let her baby cry and will pay for it in shamayim if she does. Does anybody know where is it written?

I've never heard of this and it seems out of context. Certainly there are situations where a mother will not only "let" her baby cry but will "cause" her baby to cry. Like in situations where the child cries as a result of something necessary that needs to be done for the sake of the child's health or someone else's health. I can think of 50 examples in one minute. Not to mention that letting a baby CIO is ALWAYS a better alternative than an exhausted mother losing her nerve/temper.

Across the board, from every expert, you'll hear over and over, that if a mother feels like she can't handle her child and may do something she'll regret, she should put the baby in a safe place and walk away for a few minutes until she is in control.

Not for 2 hours, no, but OP didn't do something intentionally cruel here. Her baby is tired. All she did was try to put the baby to sleep. It didn't work, I have a few theories as to why that I would love to help OP with. Again OP, feel free to PM me or reply here for advice and ideas.

amother

Mauve

Fri, Jul 22 2016, 1:44 pm

gp2.0 wrote:

I was also told that a nursing mother can't have relations if her baby is awake/crying (even if not in the room). Does this sound familiar?

gp2.0

Fri, Jul 22 2016, 3:34 pm

amother wrote:

I was also told that a nursing mother can't have relations if her baby is awake/crying (even if not in the room). Does this sound familiar?

Never heard of this but I found you a source: https://www.ou.org/torah/halac.....baby/

Apparently you also shouldn't have s*x when you're hungry or very full (tell me about someone who isn't very full Friday night) or after you've had a blood test/donated blood (whoops).

Also, you shouldn't have s*x in a bed if the baby is in the bed (um, duh? You can squish the kid.)

I don't know what the nursing one is about. Eh. I take these kind of quasi-halachos with a grain of salt.

Hashem_Yaazor

Sun, Jul 24 2016, 9:41 pm

amother wrote:

I was also told that a nursing mother can't have relations if her baby is awake/crying (even if not in the room). Does this sound familiar?

I heard this from a famous speaker and it was clearly not halachically accurate. In a different recording, the context was not halacha but rather a tip to not get distracted (nursing wasn't mentioned).