Would anyone in LA like have us for shobbos?

amother

Mauve

Mon, Jul 25 2016, 12:33 pm

amother wrote:

I do feel for those amothers who are constantly bombarded by requests for shabbat hospitality because of where they live (near vacation spots or a hall or something). That must be really exhausting, especially those stories we hear where there is so much pressure to always say yes. .

Yes there are those like me who get bombarded! I live in Israel and all the sem girls and yeshiva guys (possibly some of your children/relatives!?!) call and it's hard. Living with a bunch of kids in a small 3 bedroom, no master bedroom with bathroom, barely making it financially month to month...and of course I don't have to say yes but then you call me that your niece is stuck...and my other good friend calls me about her brother...and my sister in law calls me about her sister being homesick and needing a shabbos by me...and I should just say NO NO NO....I do say no plenty but also say yes plenty....
A little off tangent but wanted to bring out a point where here people think they are "mooching"...and what are the sem/yeshiva students doing? Let them rent empty apartments and go buy takeout! (not saying I really think that is a normal system!) but my point is if we can host then do it and be grateful you can and don't look at guests as users! WE all need people to be there for us at some point or another in life.
Enjoy your vacation adn hope you find a wonderful place for Shabbos!

amother

Smokey

Mon, Jul 25 2016, 1:14 pm

I can see both sides here.

As a host, I would be very reluctant to have strangers staying with me because our "guest room" is between the master bedroom and the room where my 8 year old daughter sleeps. I happily host family and let friends use my house when we're away, but I will not potentially jeopardize the safety of my children for the sake of hachnasas orchim. I'm not in LA, so this is irrelevant to the OP.

When we are on vacation it would never occur to us to impose on strangers. We make sure to find someplace where there is a hotel within walking distance to a shul and either bring food with us or buy takeout locally. We enjoy the novelty of shabbos in different surroundings.

However, when people travel for business or to hospitals they can't always arrange things so easily and it can be extremely lonely to have a makeshift shabbos alone in a hotel room. That is when it is a real mitzvah to host someone, whether just for a meal or for a whole shabbos. I know DH has really appreciated the people who hosted him on the occasions when it was impossible for him to make it home in time for shabbos.

Of course, no one should offer to host if it is difficult for them and no one should be pressured to be hosts just because it would be convenient for the guests. And the guests should most assuredly act grateful and be helpful and bring a gift and remember that they are in someone's home rather than in a hotel.

Seas

Mon, Jul 25 2016, 1:43 pm

Liebs wrote:

I opened this thread because I thought it seemed weird that someone would take a TOTAL stranger into their home and was wondering if anyone replied.
But then I saw the offer of a rabbi which made it more doable.
I am the type to love to host but would be scared to host someone who I have zero connection with. If someone called me that their friends friends etc. I would be quicker to say yes.
Maybe find some connection to LA and have someone ask for you. We spent Shabbos there and had really nice time. Was my ex relative's relative, but we had wonderful Shabbos meals together.

I'd happily host her if I had the extra room (and I lived in LA). I see my parents, who have a big house, take in guests almost all year round. Total stranger - if you can call a frum Jew be a total stranger.

BH we have Shabbos guests (meals) all the time, both easy and difficult ones. I guess it depends on whether one's been brought up with the concept of hachnasas oirchim.

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Jul 25 2016, 5:55 pm

I'm the "Amother OP." (Is that even a thing?)

RuchelBuckle raised an excellent point, that I missed in my original comment. Asking people to subsidize the Shabbos-related expenses of your vacation is not a scam if you outright state that you are asking people to help with your Shabbos-related expenses. OP said in her original post that she is visiting LA for vacation. I missed the distinction, and the fault therein lies entirely with me and not with OP and her request.

That having been said...

I live in a popular vacation area. Almost every week, my community's hospitality request list includes vacationers who are asking members of our community to host them for meals, and often overnight as well. (Note that there are at least five reasonably priced motels and hotels within a ten-minute walk of our shul, all of which are within the eruv.) Sometimes, people are upfront that they stam don't want to eat take-out in their hotel room. Other times, people email saying that they "need" hospitality, and it comes out over Shabbos that their "need" is because they chose to have their 100% recreational vacation overlap with Shabbos. That's not a need. That's a conscious choice that they made when planning their vacations. Need is:
- you are here for business and cannot be home for Shabbos
- you are here for medical treatments at the nearby world-class medical center
- you are here to visit relatives who do not observe Shabbos/cannot offer you kosher meals

And, of course, that says nothing about the members of our own community who need hachnassas orchim/chessed meals that Shabbos for a variety of reasons.

To "SprayOnLove," who outright asked me, "Wow where is your sense of hospitality?" My Shabbos table (which is, b"H, long) is, thank God, packed for all three seudos. Our guests include members of the local community who need hachnasas orchim (including several people who are "ben bayis"), and business travelers who are stranded here over Shabbos (some of whom are frequent visitors and have also become the equivalent of "ben bayis" over the years). This is in addition to the numerous chessed meals that we cook for kimpeturn, r"l visitors to the local hospital, and others in need.

My sense of hospitality and chessed lies with those whose actually need hospitality and chessed. Your choosing to overlap vacation dates with Shabbos does not equal a hachnasas orchim mitzvah.

tichellady

Mon, Jul 25 2016, 6:56 pm

amother wrote:

I understand what you are saying but just don't agree. We should not spend our time analyzing what is a need and what is not. If we go by that logic then... I don't think everyone who has a newborn really needs someone to cook them meals ( especially people who can afford take out and honestly if you are having a child I hope you can afford takeout for a week because children expensive) and I don't think everyone on a business trip needs Shabbat meals- they are able to eat take out in their hotel room. Locals in the community also don't need to be hosted for meals even if they are lonely.

I prefer not to go down this way of thinking. Not everyone needs or wants to be a chessed case in order to be hosted. And we are not privy to the details of everyone's lives to know what they are going through when they ask for a favor. That doesn't mean we can't say no- of course you can say no to hosting but don't make the person asking into some ungrateful spoiled person

Another mom

Mon, Jul 25 2016, 10:43 pm

amother wrote:

Thanks for letting us dan u Lwchaf zcus!!
In Israel we are also used to helping out and having ppl for Shabbos when vacationing, but I admit it has never been strangers. (Exc fo Seminary girls). I also went oncein LA to frum ppl as my relatives are mamash not Sh Shabbos and it was such a bracha!!!! Very Happy

The greatest feeling, some ruchnius in the busy (not so ruchani) week.

rdmom

Mon, Jul 25 2016, 11:52 pm

Can I chime in?

I will be in Atlanta the first shabbos in August. Business trip and I am doing with my husband. We were in contact with Chabad but it just isn't working out. The closest hotel to them is a dump and I am not ready to stay there. Or walk the 2+ miles in this heat. So unless I find other accommodations, I will just buy takeout and have a quiet shabbos in our hotel room.

Looks like that's what we will be doing since I don't know anybody in Atlanta.

FTR. I have stayed in a couple of Chabad houses all over the US when I have traveled for business. What they are doing is amazing. They put me up and some of them even stayed friends for life. I love it.

out-of-towner

Tue, Jul 26 2016, 7:34 am

rdmom wrote:

The main Chabad center in Atlanta isn't really a Chabad house, it's a congregation. It's also not the only area where there are Frum people, it is in fact a smaller community. I would suggest contacting Beth Jacob in Toco Hills, or Congregation Ariel in Dunwoody, to see if either of them could help you. If not, you can PM me, as I may have other leads.

Chayalle

Tue, Jul 26 2016, 7:47 am

Seas wrote:

I do think there's more to it than this. I happily host company all the time, as I've posted, but my company comes referred by neighbors and friends that I trust.

One of my siblings has had an open house to company in the past. But after an experience where she felt that a male guest was inappropriately interested in her young daughters, to the extent that she skipped her usual shabbos afternoon rest and stayed around supervising, she modified her policy to check up on potential company in advance.

No one should feel uncomfortable in their own home. And our families' safety comes first.

I think the OP's post about providing references covers this.

amother

Sapphire

Tue, Jul 26 2016, 7:58 am

Chayalle wrote:

I have a friend who, as a child, woke up and found the Shabbos guest in her bedroom standing over her bed. BH she had the sense to scream for her parents.

Also, Seas, haven't you posted before that you only host people who are Shomer Shabbos? How do you reconcile that with your open door policy?