Spiritual tricks to deal with co-worker who drains energy?

amother

Ginger

Tue, Jul 26 2016, 5:49 pm

Emmett techniques by Miriam Adahan

watergirl

Tue, Jul 26 2016, 6:24 pm

amother wrote:

I work together in a lab with a woman who is my age and in many ways very similar to me (frum, couple of kids, lives out of town etc etc). It's just me and her in the lab and she's my superior. Not officially, but she's been there 8 years and knows everything about everything and I just started there 5 months ago and it's her (unofficial) job to teach me everything.
The situation is hard for me to describe exactly because I can't really pinpoint what's wrong. It comes down to the fact that now after a few months I'm quite positive I do not like her at all and I want to be around her as little as possible. I don't bond with her and I'm not having fun with her. It's a really tough situation to work in because it's quite lonely and draining and I'm stuck.
I have hopes that it will be better in the future. I've heard similar stories from others who used to work in the lab. I know now that it's her and not me.
The thing is that it's starting to affect how I act at home and my family is starting to suffer. Leaving the lab at this point is not an option. So my question is:
Does anyone know mental or spiritual tricks that I can use to draw up a wall so to speak, to make me less vulnerable for this draining negative energy that I'm getting in the lab?

I've re-read your original post, and I am thinking that you are causing your own issues at work. You don't like her, you aren't having fun with her - ok, so what? She is a co-worker, and these are the things that we sometimes have to deal with at work. There was never any promise that we will like our co-workers, and no promise that we will have fun with them. I really don't see why the lack of fun-having and lack of bonding with a co-worker would affect your family life. And you've taken the time to speak about her other people - talk about negative energy!

Based on the aggressive manner in which you are coming after posters here who have been trying to HELP you, it really seems like you have an attitude that the world owes you something, and also that you have no time or patience for people who you don't see eye to eye with.

So, you are looking for a quick fix and a spiritual "trick" (what does that even mean? Voo doo?) and you feel that there is negative energy. Like I said originally, I think that the negative energy is coming from YOU - you, who has no time or patience for people who you don't have fun with - you may be the reason that you are feeling frustrated and so drained at work. You want to put up a wall? Ask Mr. Trump how to do that, read a poem by Robert Frost - whatever. But it seems more and more to me that you are bringing the negative work environment on yourself.

amother

Orchid

Tue, Jul 26 2016, 6:36 pm

amother wrote:

What's that? And why anonymous?

Codependents books
Try melody Beatties books

Even if you dont have the issues in general - you can still learn from the skills etc.

( as to why I am anonymous - long story- I've written too many posts with screen name with identifying details and Im trying to figure out how to change that )

Btw disagree with previous post by water girl and especially the tone. - -perhaps some truth to it - I dont know -but the overall negative and critical / blaming attitude is never constructive.
Not helpful at all

Good luck

cnc

Tue, Jul 26 2016, 7:10 pm

I find it pretty humorous that you are anonymously asking posters why they are anonymous. LOL

Fave

Tue, Jul 26 2016, 9:01 pm

Is this a joke? If not - then I'm glad that I'm not your coworker.

I'm not giving you the pleasure by posting as amother.

amother

Crimson

Wed, Jul 27 2016, 12:27 am

Maya wrote:

How nice of you.
Totally reinforces watergirl's observation.

You got me! You figured me out! You've solved all my work problems.

DrMom

Wed, Jul 27 2016, 12:46 am

It would help if we understood what the problem is with this coworker of yours.

Is she rude to you? It she making you work harder than you anticipated? Does she not give you enough independence? Does she talk too much?

At this stage in the thread it sounds like you dislike her for no good reason (you don't "bond with her" or "have fun with her." So what? It's not summer camp -- it's a job), so it is hard to give advice.

amother

Crimson

Wed, Jul 27 2016, 2:01 am

Sure you guys, you all know me.
And why I ask why everyone is amother? Because I find it very annoying to talk to a bunch of anonymous faces, especialy if there are a zillion in a thread. Sometimes it seems as if people talk as amother just for talking as amother.
But you know, it's nice to have to start defending myself for everything when I just came for some very directed advice. Keep in mind I did not share the whole saga, no need for that at all. I just wanted some tips for this very specific thing. I'd appreciate it if you'd all leave the psycho analysis of my personality for another time.

amother

Crimson

Wed, Jul 27 2016, 2:03 am

Fave wrote:

Is this a joke? If not - then I'm glad that I'm not your coworker.

I'm not giving you the pleasure by posting as amother.

A joke...??

amother

Crimson

Wed, Jul 27 2016, 2:05 am

To watergirl and others:

I haven't written what happened at all. Don't base your conclusions on that.
I'm not asking for advice on how to deal with her or the situation. I was just asking tricks for shielding myself from negative energy.
Thanks to all who gave me tips.

DrMom

Wed, Jul 27 2016, 2:30 am

How about:

- Wear headphones and listen to music/shiurim at work.

- Use lunch breaks to chat with friends on social media/email.

- Adjust your expectations. View work as a place to earn a salary and drop any expectations of a social life there.

- Give it a year. In the meantime, look for another job. Once you begin to view your situation as temporary, it'll be easier to endure it.

amother

Crimson

Wed, Jul 27 2016, 2:38 am

That's not the kind of advice I'm looking for, but thanks.

amother

Emerald

Wed, Jul 27 2016, 3:00 am

Posting anonymously because it's fun.
Don't do anything, seethe inside and bash anyone personally who tries to help.
Successful every time.

DrMom

Wed, Jul 27 2016, 3:08 am

amother wrote:

Posting anonymously because it's fun.
Don't do anything, seethe inside and bash anyone personally who tries to help.
Successful every time.

Maya

Wed, Jul 27 2016, 5:35 am

amother wrote:

You got me! You figured me out! You've solved all my work problems.

You're a piece of work, that's for sure.

Even if none of us here know you, from the attitude and rudeness of your posts, we can all be fairly certain that you contribute to this problem in not such small ways. Maybe the solution to your problems is a change in yourself, and not a "spiritual" one either

Maya

Wed, Jul 27 2016, 5:46 am

amother wrote:

That's not the kind of advice I'm looking for, but thanks.

So you're rejecting good practical advice, as DrMom has offered, and you're sneering at those who are offering "spiritual" advice because they're posting anonymously.

And you're still convinced that you're the innocent one in this situation. LOL

Optione

Wed, Jul 27 2016, 6:30 am

Maya wrote:

So you're rejecting good practical advice, as DrMom has offered...

Thank you DrMom for those tips! Part of my workday is going to shift a little bit and I know it's not going to be socially easy

amother

Crimson

Wed, Jul 27 2016, 6:36 am

Maya wrote:

Yep I'm rejecting it. It's not relevant for me. Also it's really not what I was asking for.

HonesttoGod

Wed, Jul 27 2016, 6:58 am

Generally people who work (especially if you are working full time) come home drained and tired and not much energy for anything else.

It seems to me that you are basing the fact that you are drained when you get home on your coworker. Who cares if you like her don't care about her or despise her. She is there. She is your superior. She has to teach you the job (as much as you may think you know, each lab works differently each office environment works differently you have to learn how things flow and who better to teach you than someone who has been there 8 years).

She has been there 8 years - for a reason. Obviously she is good at what she does or she would have been fired. Whether your personalities clash or not you have a lot to learn from her.

There is nothing wrong with being nice to her even if you don't like her. Smile, say good morning, stop focusing so much on what bothers you about her and focus about what you CAN do like help her out, listen to her advice, smile, make general chit chat, ask her how her commute was etc.

Now for when you get home, I am guessing you have a commute. It doesn't matter if it is 5 mintues or 35 minutes. Use that time to breathe. De stress. Listen to some music, read a book (if you are not driving), close your eyes and sleep (again only if you are not driving or walking). Before you step into the house STOP! Take 5 deep breaths. "shake it off" (as Taylor Swift says) and walk in with a smile.
Push yourself.

It is SO hard to come home tired, drained in all aspects, trust me I come home like that most days and I don't blame it on my coworkers. It is just the situation at hand. with a lot of reasons contributing. Push through. Once you have served supper, put the kids to bed, then you can lie down for a little and relax.

Also start going to bed earlier (and by bed I mean in PJS and asleep) at 9:30pm. Get a good nights sleep. Make sure to eat and drink well. Focus on what you CAN do and what is GOOD about what you are doing (what is making you a super mom/wife) and stop focusing on the bad things around you.
The negativity around you only makes you negative if you let it.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Jul 27 2016, 7:03 am

Here's a great book that might help you spiritually and emotionally deal with this nasty coworker:

The Life of I: The new culture of narcissism

Anne Manne's book shows the destructive elements of narcissism at work in a culture obsessed with itself.