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Forum -> Judaism -> Halachic Questions and Discussions
Vent: tznius at the pool
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amother
Purple


 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:22 am
This is just a vent as I know that nothing could be done at this point. I was at the pool in another state on a vacation. There was a frum lady at the pool. She would not swim with men or boys in the pool. Yet she had no problem walking around with short sleeves in front of my husband and older son. She also sat with her elbows and knees totally exposed at the pool in front of other men. How can someone always covers everything act like this.
I just don't get it. Why the double standard. Please explain it to me because it's really bothering me. Why is it ok to act differently when you are on vacation than when you are in Brooklyn???

Ok. Vent over. (but not feeling much better) Confused
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Jeanette




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:25 am
I'm not understanding. If this was a mixed pool then what were you doing there? Or is it okay for you and not for her?
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amother
Purple


 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:27 am
Jeanette wrote:
I'm not understanding. If this was a mixed pool then what were you doing there? Or is it okay for you and not for her?


I wasn't in the pool, my room was right outside the pool so we had a clear view.
I only go in the pool when there are no men AND I'm fully covered!
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:28 am
And not everyone is from brooklyn!!!
I am also not understanding what the actual issue is here. please clarify.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:29 am
amother wrote:
I wasn't in the pool, my room was right outside the pool so we had a clear view.
I only go in the pool when there are no men AND I'm fully covered!
But not everyone does the same as you. And how do you know the reason she was not going into the pool?
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:30 am
Are you worried that her short sleeves were turning on your husband or boys??

Maybe she is makpid not to swim in a mixed pool, and is not yet up to covering her knees?

Maybe she just didn't want to go swimming?

Maybe she holds that a tefach above the elbow is fine? A family friend of ours who's MO doesn't do mixed swimming in a skimpy bathing suit but wears short sleeves and skirts (or pants) as per her community's shita.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:31 am
I appreciate you find her behavior disconcerting. I'm sorry you're not in as homogenous a setting as you'd like. Her behavior reflects on her and you shouldn't find it threatening. If there is some mara d'asra in the hotel/colony/whatever, maybe bounce this off with the rebbetzin if you absolutely must take this beyond venting here. (Because you don't want to start talking with other people vacationing with you. Trust me.) And only if you know the rebbetzin is discreet and reasonable. Meanwhile, I hope this vent worked, it's out of your system, and you enjoy your stay.

Last edited by PinkFridge on Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:32 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Purple


 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:32 am
This is my issue: the lady is a chassidish woman from boro park or Williamsburg who would NEVER walk around not totally covered up YET at the hotel pool it was ok to expose your elbows, and knees in front of other men!
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amother
Purple


 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:33 am
PinkFridge wrote:
I appreciate you find her behavior disconcerting. I'm sorry you're not in as homogenous a setting as you'd like. Her behavior reflects on her and you shouldn't find it threatening. If there is some mara d'asra in the hotel/y whatever, maybe bounce this off with the rebbetzin if you absolutely must take this beyond venting. And only if you know the rebbetzin is discreet and reasonable. Meanwhile, I hope this vent worked, it's out of your system, and you enjoy your stay.


Thank you for understanding. I'm home already but it's still bugging me!
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groisamomma




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:33 am
None of your business. If you're so worried about tznius you shouldn't be hanging out anywhere near there. Gosh people, can we let G-d run the world? He doesn't need your help keeping people in check.

Last edited by groisamomma on Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:35 am; edited 1 time in total
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:34 am
amother wrote:
This is my issue: the lady is a chassidish woman from boro park or Williamsburg who would NEVER walk around not totally covered up YET at the hotel pool it was ok to expose your elbows, and knees in front of other men!


Again, this is her issue. She's not going to single-handedly bring the standards down and make your daughters rebel against your home and family standards. Try to feel compassion for her that she has such disconnect in her life. She might be a really nice lady whose company you'll otherwise enjoy.
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groisamomma




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:34 am
amother wrote:
This is my issue: the lady is a chassidish woman from boro park or Williamsburg who would NEVER walk around not totally covered up YET at the hotel pool it was ok to expose your elbows, and knees in front of other men!


And this is your business because...?
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:35 am
amother wrote:
This is my issue: the lady is a chassidish woman from boro park or Williamsburg who would NEVER walk around not totally covered up YET at the hotel pool it was ok to expose your elbows, and knees in front of other men!


I grew up on Miami Beach. We always used to laugh at the chassidish ladies who wore turbans and bikinis at the Crown Hotel pool (yeah, this dates me).
Evidently, there is no G-d in Miami Beach.
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Maryann




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:35 am
I still dont get it?
im understanding that its the ladies time for swimming , if your room overlooks the pool the men should not be looking out and she doesnt know there are men that can see????
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:36 am
amother wrote:
This is my issue: the lady is a chassidish woman from boro park or Williamsburg who would NEVER walk around not totally covered up YET at the hotel pool it was ok to expose your elbows, and knees in front of other men!
how do you know she is chassidish? and how can you tell where specifically she is from??? Rolling Eyes
And what other people do in their lives, at home or on vacation is not your business. at all.
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amother
Purple


 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:36 am
She's chassidish! Her husband had long curly peyos! She only went into the pool when the boys/men were out and as soon as a man went in she jumped out and sat on the chair totally exposed.
When she wasn't at the pool she was wearing a hat on her shaitel and seemed stockings.
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Jeanette




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:36 am
So you are not okay with mixed swimming but your husband and son are. Actually it's a bigger issue for them to be in the pool than for women to be there. I also have to assume that if she was there with elbows and knees uncovered, other women were there wearing much less.
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amother
Purple


 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:39 am
Jeanette wrote:
So you are not okay with mixed swimming but your husband and son are. Actually it's a bigger issue for them to be in the pool than for women to be there. I also have to assume that if she was there with elbows and knees uncovered, other women were there wearing much less.


My husband and son were not in the pool just near it.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:39 am
amother wrote:
She's chassidish! Her husband had long curly peyos! She only went into the pool when the boys/men were out and as soon as a man went in she jumped out and sat on the chair totally exposed.
When she wasn't at the pool she was wearing a hat on her shaitel and seemed stockings.
well then, how are you her mashpia? if her husband, who is sitting right there near her, was fine with how she was dressed, then what business of yours is it? IT ISNT.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:40 am
amother wrote:
My husband and son were not in the pool just near it.
wait, you are seeing all of this from your room, but your husband and son are mixed swimming? If that is correct, then you are playing to a double standard here.
Everyone does what they do, it is not your business and you are not gd. Everyone will be judged for their actions when they meet their maker. Until then, stop judging and live and let live.
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