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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts
Alternative to bottle of wine when eating out
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pointyshoes




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 12:56 pm
I've always given a bottle of wine when we eat out. Its classy and if they dont like it, they can pass it on to someone else the next time they're invited out.
But I've started thinking about maybe doing something else for a change. Cake? I'm not sure what to do
What do you give as a gift when you eat out?
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 1:13 pm
Wine or a fruit platter.
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MamaBear




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 1:13 pm
I often deliver flowers before shabbos, but that requires additional effort. Depending on how much I want to spend, I've also done serving pieces, dried fruit/chocolate platters etc
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cm




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 1:19 pm
By "out" do you mean at someone else's home?

If so, typically a candy/fruit tray.

Cake or other dessert if arranged in advance with the host ("thank you so much for the invitation! How about if we bring dessert?")

Personally I do not like to receive housewares, so I never give serving pieces, tablecloths, kitchen gadgets or tchotchkes of any kind, unless I know the recipients very, very well and I know for sure they would like it.
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pointyshoes




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 1:22 pm
I'm not the best at fruit arranging. Maybe I should just stick with the wine!
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 1:41 pm
pointyshoes wrote:
I'm not the best at fruit arranging. Maybe I should just stick with the wine!


I order them.
I'm awful at food decorating.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 1:46 pm
People are all different - there are so many threads on here about hostess gifts. You cant win if you are trying to bring something that "everyone" likes. For example, we dont drink wine, so when people bring it, we thank them and try to remember to open it. I cant tell you how many times we open the bottle (to be polite), offer glasses and wine, only for the guest to admit that they also aren't wine drinkers! Obviously it was given to them and they regifted to us! We love when people bring chocolates or candy - but if you do that, please be mindful that you make sure you dont allow your kids grab all the candy - it really is for the hosts.

This really is a thought counts type of thing.
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pointyshoes




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 1:50 pm
watergirl wrote:
People are all different - there are so many threads on here about hostess gifts. You cant win if you are trying to bring something that "everyone" likes. For example, we dont drink wine, so when people bring it, we thank them and try to remember to open it. I cant tell you how many times we open the bottle (to be polite), offer glasses and wine, only for the guest to admit that they also aren't wine drinkers! Obviously it was given to them and they regifted to us! We love when people bring chocolates or candy - but if you do that, please be mindful that you make sure you dont allow your kids grab all the candy - it really is for the hosts.

This really is a thought counts type of thing.


Okay but one poster mentioned a "rule" that cake is only brought when offering dessert
Anyone else agrees?
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 1:51 pm
watergirl wrote:
I cant tell you how many times we open the bottle (to be polite), offer glasses and wine, only for the guest to admit that they also aren't wine drinkers! Obviously it was given to them and they regifted to us!

Just wanted to say to that, that doesn't mean they regifted it. Wine is a typical gift, people can buy it for their hosts even if they themselves aren't wine drinkers. I bring wine all the time when I can't think of anything else and I don't like wine myself.


Last edited by amother on Fri, Aug 21 2020, 2:09 am; edited 1 time in total
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ariellabella




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 1:56 pm
pointyshoes wrote:
Okay but one poster mentioned a "rule" that cake is only brought when offering dessert
Anyone else agrees?


Yes. Your host has carefully planned a meal, so it is not great to bring a dish for that meal and expect it to be served without discussing it with them in advance.

Also, I invite many people whose homes I may not be comfortable eating in. So bringing homemade food would put me in an uncomfortable position.
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cm




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 2:00 pm
pointyshoes wrote:
Okay but one poster mentioned a "rule" that cake is only brought when offering dessert
Anyone else agrees?


It's hardly a rule; it's my preference.

Some people like to make certain things themselves, or would prefer not to make them if guests are bringing them, or have a carefully planned menu, or don't like to be caught by surprise and have to go to the (dark) basement for a cake plate. So for real food that requires effort (and serving utensils), whether it is a cake, salad or kugel, I would check in advance with the host.

When you host a meal, what do you like to receive?

If you know your hosts reasonably well, what do they like?

You can't please everyone, but you can certainly make a thoughtful gesture which is all that is needed.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 2:14 pm
crush wrote:
Just wanted to say to that, that doesn't mean they regifted it. Wine is a typical gift, people can buy it for their hosts even if they themselves aren't wine drinkers. I bring wine all the time when I can't think of anything else and I don't like wine myself.


Could be. Its just that it's happened to us so many times that I figured its typical! We dont run with a real wine drinking crowd I guess.
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 2:18 pm
Many times I buy a serving dish, bowl.
You can never have too many.
The other day I had guests over.
When I went to her house she had made the most delicious ice cream.
Her gift to me was a trifle bowl and she filled it with the icecream and the recipe card.
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pointyshoes




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 2:20 pm
All good points. Right its all too complicated and I feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill- wine it has always been and wine it will remain!
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 2:23 pm
In my circle of friends where I live, people dont really bring gifts. Sometimes one asks if they can bring something, so you offer them to bring a salad or dessert, but otherwise, we come without gifts. Its not really done here.
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amother
Rose


 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 2:59 pm
Ive gotten a nice tea bag set or some special confection like Viennese crunch that can be served in addition to the host's dessert.
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PAMOM




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 3:06 pm
I've also gotten a couple of small tins of interesting tea, a small bottle of good flavored olive oil, fancy salts/peppers (think Home Goods or TJMaxx), a small plastic tray of nuts, and chocolate covered espresso beans. Loved them all!
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 3:29 pm
amother wrote:
Ive gotten a nice tea bag set or some special confection like Viennese crunch that can be served in addition to the host's dessert.


something I like as well if I can splurge ... but I do love the wine - always a good moscato - can never hurt

even though I don't always bring something - I do enjoy baking as well and it's always yumm to have more cake ... especially when shabbos is long or there are a lot of people or you bake as good as me Mr. Green

don't know why there has to be 'rules'
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 3:32 pm
Please bring a decent wine, not the cheapest dry wine. When we get that, I use it in cooking, buy I'd really like to enjoy it at the table. Moscato or sparkling grape juice is good.
I'd like a pineapple or another exciting fruit.
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amother
Bronze


 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2016, 3:33 pm
If I know that my host doesn't bake her own challah, I'll bring one that I baked. People love when I bring challah.
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