Meals and snacks: Who makes them? You or your teens?

amother

Seafoam

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 1:46 pm

Of course I always make dinner. How about breakfasts, lunches, and snacks? I see both sides to it. On the one hand, I want my teens to learn to be independent and self sufficient, on the other hand, I want them to feel that I love them and take care of them. How old are your teens? Boys? Girls? What do you do, and how well does it work? Does it make a difference if it's a school day or not?

amother

Natural

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 1:53 pm

I think you can teach them independence by having them fix some of their meals and snacks but still make them feel loved by adding loving touches, like, say, baking a batch of their favorite cookies now and then for them to pack with their lunch or when they have a big test coming up saying "I'll make your lunch for tomorrow so you have one less thing to think about". My kids are long way off from teenage hood, so make of this what you will Smile

Chayalle

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 1:54 pm

I make dinner. They get their own breakfast, lunch, and snacks, whether during the school year or summer. I often bake for the family (and sometimes my teen bakes for the family) so if I've baked muffins, for example, they can incorporate that into their lunch/snack plans. Sometimes they ask me if they can take some dinner leftovers, like if there's extra pasta or grilled chicken, or something like that.

I occasionally treat my teen, just because. Or if I'm making something anyway, I ask her if she wants some.

Sometimes DD makes me lunch!

It works fine. Occasionally there are grumbles about what to take for lunch, and I let them know that if there's anything they'd like we can discuss it and add it to the shopping list.....but I don't come up with their lunch ideas.

My teens are girls, ages 17 1/2 and 15.

chani8

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 2:16 am

Currently, I have four teens in the house. I think I deserve a trophy.

I find feeding a family with lots of teens basically a nightmare. They were coming and going at varying times, and they all 'felt' hungry for different foods. It was a moody mess and I quit. "Feed yourselves." I gave up for a long time and let them fend for themselves, until they finally asked me nicely to prepare 'one meal a day', and helped me plan the menu.

They also update the family grocery list with what foods to buy that they can prepare themselves.

Ideally, the way to help your teen is to ask them what you can do to help them. Dont assume anything. Ask, but dont be a doormat. Be upfront right away about what you are willing to do.

Around age 16, there was usually a parent standing in the kitchen helping the teens make their food-to-go. In the afternoons, they are on their own with snacks unless they need supervision for cooking. And then, there's that dinner contract...I agree to prepare it, they agree to eat it.

I think the main thing at this stage is to tell your teen regularly that you did (or bought) for them because you love them. Speak out your love because they wont 'get it' otherwise.

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 5:58 am

My teen (high school girl) has been on her own for breakfast, lunch and snack, with rare exceptions, for years. As she does not drive and therefore cannot do grocery shopping on her own, I make sure to get the things she likes.

Dh and I were also brought up this way, for the most part. By the way, he has no expectation that I will make his breakfast, either. There are many ways to show (and tell) love that do not involve household chores.

mommy24

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 6:24 am

Teenagers can eat, ALL day long!!! I would never be able to be constantly making sure that they have what they want to eat, otherwise I would never leave my kitchen, and then who would clean the bathroom messes LOL

I have a 16 year old, who dorms in an out of state yeshiva, so he is rarely home, a 15 year old girl and a 13 year old boy. they are responsible for making their own breakfasts and lunches and snacks. I usually make eggs or something for younger ones,11 and downwards, and always ask if teens would also like, but most time they decline. Occasionally I make muffins, cookies, or smoothies, and I of course give them as well. Dinner I make, but htey make their own if they don't like it, Our family rule is you must take a few bites of dinner if you don't like it afterwards, you canmake yourself sandwhiches, or anything else you can find. When I see they are rushed or something is bothering them, of course I will make them their lunch/snack/breafast as well.

That being said, my oldest is away in yeshiva, 16, but when he comes home, I make everything for him, at least for the first few days, I want to make sure he is eating, but even with shoving food at him, practically all day, he still finds his own stuff to make for himself. After a few days, when I see he is eating, he starts to be more self reliant, or rather I let him be more self reliant.

yOungM0mmy

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 6:43 am

Mine are not teenagers yet, today they had cupcakes left over from a birthday party that I decorated for them last night as a special treat, and just now the 7 year old cut cucumber for his brothers and sisters. I make lunch and supper, but if they dont like it (usually the 7 and 10 year old) they make their own pita pizza in the microwave or cheese toast in the sandwich maker. Teenagers can absolutely make their own snacks and lunch, family dinner cooked by mom and eaten by everyone is nice

Tablepoetry

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 10:25 am

I have a bunch of teens at home, boys and girls.
Nobody makes breakfast here during the school year. If a kid wakes up early enough, s/he can grab some cereal. I drink coffee. (On vacations, I will make eggs in fresh rolls for breakfast with some cut veggies. Or shakshuka).

I do make their 'aruchat esser' which is essentially a late breakfast eaten at school, at around ten o'clock. I go to the bakery every morning and buy fresh buns for this. Put chocolate spread/scrambled egg/corn schnitzel inside. For the girl that doesn't like buns I send veggies and fruit or a baguette.
I don't leave it up to them, because they'd probably leave the house without anything. I mean, that's what I did throughout high school. Sometimes I'd buy junk in the school cafeteria and sometimes I'd starve till I got home, or subsist on Diet Coke all day. I don't think my teens are any more organized than I was, and I like knowing they have food for the day. Plus it's the norm here that parents make their teens aruchat esser.

If I am home when they get back for lunch (anytime from two to four) then I make a hot lunch. As chani said, it can be a nightmare, since everyone gets back at different times and everyone likes different things. I try to get it down to an art, so that everyone has something to eat and I don't need to spend more than 30 min organizing the food.

Dinner I also usually make, but it's simple....shakshuka or pasta with parmesan or the like, with some veggies on the side.

Snacks totally their responsiblity. They go to the cupboard and pull out a snack. Not too much work.