123 magic | Imamother

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Aug 08 2016, 11:55 pm

Has anyone read this book? Have you found it practical? Useful? Did it work? Did it effect your relationship with your child in the long run?

Someone recommended that I read it but I believe it was recommended to her I don't think she ever read it so would like to hear from those who did

Iymnok

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 5:28 am

I read it, it's a short book easily implemented. It works well -when you follow it...
It's so flexible enough to be good for most families.

amother

Lawngreen

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 7:00 am

Iymnok wrote:

I read it, it's a short book easily implemented. It works well -when you follow it...
It's so flexible enough to be good for most families.

Do you follow it? It doesn't sound very flexible - no talking no emotion when my three year old misbehaves just sounds wrong - how can I punish her without explanation?

What I'm trying to figure out is whether it'll close my child down and cut off lines of communication or it will help me mother more calmly?

amother

Copper

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 7:09 am

I recently started and think it's great. I helps me too, because I'm not the best at routines and being on top of things. Also, one of my kids is on the spectrum, but it works on him same as it does with my neurotypical children. Be aware, and the book talks about this, for many children things will get worse before they get better (didn't happen with mine, but it is something to know). Also, there's an illustrated guide for kids to explain to them how the new system is going to work. I found that especially helpful with my ASD child.

amother

Copper

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 7:13 am

amother wrote:

The book explains in greater detail, but it's not punishing without explanation. The child knows what they did wrong. Also, you're allowed to say, while counting, hey, no climbing furniture, that's 1. That's all the explanation you need. There isn't much point in discussion with small children in the heat of the moment. You can discuss proper behavior at other times and make them aware of your expectations. The point is that you avoid doing so when they're not in a state that is conducive to hearing it.

Iymnok

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 8:50 am

No talking, no emotion is the best advice!
Your child might only need one line of explanation. They know what they are doing wrong usually. If it's something new, you give one line then talk later.
Your child is way too young for a lecture.
Discipline is ineffective with distracting chatter. That's what your explanation really is.
This rule looks like stability for a child.
The only rule in a house should be listening to mommy. Everything else is details.

asmileaday

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 8:59 am

I liked the book. Used it years ago as a guide when I was a teacher of boys and it really helped put a calm atmosphere into the class.
I have read other many helpful books since, so I don't follow 123 magic anymore with my kids. I take out from each book whatever advice speaks to me.
Definitely worth a read.
I also loved the book "no drama discipline". Very helpful insights into a child's brain.
Off topic but maybe this will help someone;
Personally, I feel that one mistake I made with my oldest was ignoring tantrums. That's what so many lecturers preach and I thought I was being a good parent.
Once I read no drama discipline, I realized that this child needed connection and reassurance during a tantrum (not giving in at all, just feeling along).
So make sure to read a variety of books and use what works best for your family.
Good luck!

MyUsername

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 12:54 pm

We love 123 magic! Works great for us. We give just the briefest explanation "that's 1 for throwing that toy". I find it's a really good system. Obviously, it may not be the ideal system for everyone, but I think it is worth reading and trying. It does get worse before it gets better, but then it's great.

gibberish

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 1:46 pm

I just read it and I don't like it at all.

It recommends lots of punishing and time outs which don't work with my kids. I don't want to just teach my kids to only be obedient, rather I would like to foster their independence and teach them to be problem-solvers and think of solutions when something is bothering them. This book recommends "behave because I said so approach." There are better parenting books at there. Not my style at all...

amother

Lawngreen

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 3:34 pm

Thanks for all your replies. I feel from what I see here that most people found it effective but did not use it long term? They found better methods? Is that a correct assumption?

amother

Copper

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 3:52 pm

I'm still using it (though I can't speak for long term as we only started a few months ago) I think it's a framework, more than anything. You have a system, there are a few basics you have in place, but there's room to improvise. The concept of not talking too much and not showing emotion is not particularly earth shattering. Nor is the concept of using charts and timers to motivate kids to do what they need to do. It's more about understanding how children think and having a clear system where everyone knows what happens and how. That system needs to evolve, especially as kids grow and as you learn new things from other sources, but the principles behind it continue to work.

LittleRed

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 4:16 pm

I haven't used it long term because once my kids got into the rhythm of warnings and simple explanations, I didn't have to follow it strictly.