HUSBAND AT BEDTIME

amother

Seafoam

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 7:15 pm

Wondering how many of your husbands are home when u put ur kids to sleep. I always feel I HAVE TO MANAGE REGARDLESS. He works all day I can't ask for help. If he does help it's an extra bonus. But after all I'm not superhuman. When baby cries older kids don't listen it just gets too much!!! Is it right to ask husband to be home daily for bedtime? I'm sahm btw.

amother

Brown

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 7:49 pm

Husbands are usually nowhere to be found at bedtime!!

This is a fact of life.

I'm surprised no one ever taught you this.

You might get him to hold the baby while you try to manage the others but don't be surprised if you find your dh sound asleep a few minutes later with baby crying.

MMCH

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 8:07 pm

now that I think about I dont know any of my friends husbands who are home for bedtime.

having my dh home for bed time is so far on my horizon that I dont even think about it.

bh my kids are good sleepers and bedtime isn't such a struggle bli ayin hara.
but I do remember after I had my second feeling extremely overwhelmed at bedtime how to do both at the same time
the only thing that saved me (and this is still part of our routine!) is after the bath the kids can watch for 20 minutes while I put the baby to sleep.
not ideal but its what works for us!

amother

Scarlet

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 8:27 pm

I work and my husband is a SAHD but still I'm the one who puts the kids to bed and straightens up the house afterwards. Or rather I straighten up as much as I can and whatever doesn't get done waits till the next day... and the next day... because he sure as heck won't do it.

Maya

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 8:39 pm

amother wrote:

My question was if I'm wrong for feeling guilty for even asking for help!!! After putting kids to sleep and still having to serve supper and clean up!!! Whooooa its bunch of fun! Oh and baby can be quiet all day bedtime that's when he screeches

It's okay to ask for help at bedtime occasionally if things get very overwhelming at times, but my opinion is that if you are a SAHM, you should be able to figure it out so that your husband - who works all day to provide enough so that you CAN be a SAHM - doesn't have to do the daily childcare in addition to the breadwinning.

I know it's an unpopular opinion, but I hold it very strongly. I know men who work tiring jobs all day, then come home and they need to bathe and supervise and help put the kids into bed, because the wife is sooo tired from whatever she did in the house all day. Well, guess what, everyone is tired at the end of the day. But he did his job, and you do yours.
Try to find ways to make it work, like one poster mentioned that the older kids can watch something for a few minutes while she puts the baby to sleep, etc.

(Disclaimer: If the wife works, even part time, that's a totally different story, as is if a couple agrees to different roles in the home. My post is exclusively about a SAHM demanding her full time working husband help out with daily time consuming childcare chores)

amother

Mauve

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 8:55 pm

Maya wrote:

I put the kids to bed but sometimes I would ask my husband to go to a crying child in the middle of the night if I was too exhausted to get up.

Maya

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 9:00 pm

amother wrote:

I put the kids to bed but sometimes I would ask my husband to go to a crying child in the middle of the night if I was too exhausted to get up.

Nobody has to defend their actions to me Smile

I've asked for help plenty of times.
I just don't think the husband has to rearrange his schedule permanently or continue working from home or whatever else would inconvenience him so he could help his SAHM wife with bedtime.

amother

Mauve

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 9:03 pm

Maya wrote:

Nobody has to defend their actions to me Smile

Okay. I agree with you, that he shouldn't have to arrange the schedule to include putting the children to bed.

peekaboo

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 9:09 pm

Im a WAHM and my hub is never home during bedtime. He works a half hr away and only leaves work when I put the kids to bed. Its hard but I somehow manage. Once theyre in bed I usually collapse into bed myself till he gets home. Thats the way I cope. Try to push thru it and then just sit down and relax for and hr or so.

mommy3b2c

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 9:18 pm

Maya wrote:

I completely agree.

To op,

No, my husband is not usually home during bedtime. If he is, he is usually working at home and even if not, he doesn't really help me. Sometimes he'll watch the baby while I finish bath time with the big ones. I am a SAHM. It's true that my evenings are very difficult, but my days are at a much more relaxed pace. I don't think it's right to ask your husband to rearrange his schedule for you. That doesn't mean you can't ever ask him for a hand.

amother

Green

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 9:50 pm

I'm a WAHM, but only for the last few years. Before that I was a SAHM.

When our oldest was young DH was working crazy hours and barely saw her. Then he lost his job and was obviously home a lot more. Bedtime became his best bonding time with DD. I would take care of bathing her while DH cleaned up from dinner and then he would come to read bedtime stories. They really treasured those moments.

When we had another child and were juggling different needs, DH would pitch in whenever necessary. He would take the baby while I was working on detangling our older daughter's hair after her shower or take over changing the toddler into a clean diaper and pjs when he would fight my efforts. Now I'm weaning my 15 month old and DH has completely taken over putting her to bed while I take care of the other kids.

I'm lucky that DH has a job that allows him to be home for a family dinner and bedtime and that he's a hands on parent. Well, maybe not quite lucky because that's one of the qualities I was looking for in a husband and partner. And DH really values the time he has with the kids such that he recently turned down a job offer that would have been more lucrative at the expense of being home to see his kids grow up.

Maya

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 10:00 pm

amother wrote:

I'm lucky that DH has a job that allows him to be home for a family dinner and bedtime and that he's a hands on parent. Well, maybe not quite lucky because that's one of the qualities I was looking for in a husband and partner. And DH really values the time he has with the kids such that he recently turned down a job offer that would have been more lucrative at the expense of being home to see his kids grow up.

This is true as well, if it works out. My husband is currently home 2 work nights a week, in addition to weekends, and the bonding time with the kids at bedtime is priceless.

But I can't imagine it being a good experience for a harried and probably resentful husband who has been forced to come home at an inconvenient time to tend to the kids. Most likely, it would just be a tense atmosphere all around.

creditcards

Tue, Aug 09 2016, 10:01 pm

There are certain jobs my husband doesn't mind doing and would do it if I ask him. There are certain jobs that he hates and no asking in the world would make him do it. So I know already what types of help I can ask him. If its his type of help he likes to do he usually does it no problem. There is no reason to feel guilty. Absolutely not. as long as you talk it out together and make a compromise that suits both of you thats ok! Every household runs differently! There is no right or wrong when it comes to these things.