Why do you cover your hair?

SRB

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 3:14 am

Why do you cover your hair? I'm a BT and have heard so many different reasons. I'm frustrated because I haven't heard a straight answer. I'm not sensitive to showing my hair. I got married at 35 and 38 now so I have been showing my hair most my life and I didn't grow up around anyone covering their hair for religious reasons. When I first got married, I covered my hair with a sheitel, then a Tichel, then a baseball hat, now I let the pony tail out of the hat.

I'm asking why you cover your hair because I'm hoping to get some straight answers or hear something inspiring to help me want to cover my hair.

water_bear88

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 7:33 am

I cover to show that I'm an eishet ish. Simple as that. So for me that means distinguishable from my real hair and readily visible. In addition, my hair is always tied back under whatever I'm wearing- ponytail if it's short enough for that to keep it neat, braid or bun if it's long- because of the source with the sotah.

Tzniut-wise, something that is appropriate to the venue. A shocking-pink synthetic wig might fly on Purim or to a costume party, but not on a normal day in my neighborhood. Tichels or hats (of any color) are just more practical for everyday use. I would cover as you describe if my hair were short enough and I lived in a community where that were an acceptable headcovering.

SRB

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 5:53 pm

Thank you Water Bear for your honest reply. I understand your reasons - all good reasons. I guess I just don't have a sensitivity to showing my hair nor do I think my hair is exciting any (secular) male on the street. However if I'm honest with myself, part of the reason is vanity as I think I'm so much prettier with my own hair, just natural. Its also the physical discomfort of covering my hair when it's hot and running around with a toddler. I guess there are many reasons I don't feel a sensitivity to covering my hair. However, I am very insecure of what other community people think of me/my family showing my hair so I cover when I'm in "the hood." Because the community I live in is mostly yeshivish or those that cover their hair. However, we live among many non-Jews (in a very trendy area of Los Angeles near Hollywood & Beverlyhills). And no I don't feel like I hashkaficly connect with the Jewish community here my husband does - I'm more MO/traditional/dati leumi.

trixx

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 6:36 pm

Have you read the book Hide and Seek? You might identify with some of the personal essays there.

Honestly, although I was taught to cover always and 100% and learned all the sources and kabbalistic reasons behind it, and it is family and community standard etc, the first thing I would drop if I stopped being frum is hair covering. So I basically do it because I have to, whether I like to or not (I don't lol). It's just not negotiable to me.

Though if the act or type of hair covering in your community is negotiable, I can see how that makes it a gray area for you.

Edit if you moved to a forum where anonymous posting is enabled, you might more accurate or honest replies.

mirrorimage

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 10:45 pm

I could totally sympathize with you! When I first got married I hated my sheitel. I wanted to throw it out the car window on the highway. I have nice hair which made it a lot harder for me to cover it. But with time I learned that there are really nice sheitels out there with quality hair, and some are surprisingly comfortable too! So no compromise here. At home I just wear something comfy like a bandana. Its not easy. But dont give up. What Im about to write is not to scare you but it helps me deal with it. It might not speak to you so only use it if it helps you. I once heard that whatever part of the body that is supposed to be covered and is not will "not be" part of that person in the next world. I'm not sure if it makes any sense to you but imagine a person with no hair or something to that effect. This helps and keeps me motivated even though it's hard. But the harder it is the greater the reward!
There's also the famous story that happened to Gali see link below
http://jewinthecity.com/2014/1.....rred/

cip

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 10:59 pm

It's not fun especially on hot days but I learned that covering hair brings brochos for your family especially in area of health. So for me the sacrifice is worth it. Also learned that shechina rests on head of married women and since we cover holy objects we cover shechina... definitely sources to above but I'm too lazy to look them up;)