Infant sleep challenge. At the end of my rope. Pls help

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amother

Ecru

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 3:12 pm

I am not sure what to do or who to turn to, but my 17 week old (around 4 months) baby is giving me a run for my money. I am following a schedule that was recommended to me by my pediatrician. The schedule is:
Nurse every 2.5 hours 10 min on each side
Put him down for a nap 1.15-2 hours after waking up. (get 3-4 naps a day)

Here are my problems:
1)He doesn't nurse the full 20 min, which makes him fuss before it is time to eat again. (yes, I do burp him.)
2)It is extremely challenging to put him down for a nap/sleep. I tried everything. From walking, to rocking, to singing, to patting, etc. But he would just cry and cry. To put him to sleep takes about 30 to 60 minutes. Nothing seems to make him happy.
3)when he doesn't fall asleep, I would just nurse him more thinking that he is hungry since he didn't finish his last feed. But then this means I am nursing him almost every hour and a half!!And even then, the nursing doesn't always help him.
4)At night he wakes up ever 2 to 3 hours (betweek 8PM-4AM). from 4 and on, he is up every hour until about 6 or 7. This means I am nursing about 4 to 5 times at night (!).
5)Some nights when I put him back down after I nurse, he would start screaming for no reason. He ate for 20 min, his diaper is clean.

I have a bedtime routine with him which doesn't seem to help. Bedtime is the hardest. Sometimes it takes me two hours to get him to fall asleep, only to have him wake up in an hour to eat a little more before falling back asleep.

My pediatrician doesn't think he has reflux and no signs of teething. There was never a point where he slept well, so I don't think this is sleep regression either.

Side note, my baby is in the 80th percentile for weight and height. So no, he doesn't need to eat this often and technically should be able to sleep for longer stretches.

Another side note, he sleeps on his tummy. He doesn't fall asleep on his back, and if he does he wakes up a few minutes later.

Point is, I don't know what to do. I daven to hashem constantly. I just find myself crying every time I try to put him to sleep. Any suggestions?

Anon because I asked people I know IRL.

Please forgive me of this isnt so clear and legible. I am extremely sleep deprived and my brain isnt functioning so well

Edited to add more details.

Iymnok

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 3:22 pm

Listen to your baby. Feed him when he's hungry, play with him when he's awake, put him to bed when he's asleep or is tired.

My babies never let me nurse them earlier than they were ready. Even if that meant a newborn sleeping six hours.

I never time a feeding, or switch on a tight schedule. A baby nurses till they finish.

Maybe he wants to be awake for longer stretches and play.

amother

Ecru

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 3:33 pm

Iymnok wrote:

Ty for your response. I wait for "sleepy cues" before trying to put him for a nap. if I push off a nap or he misses one, it is harder for him to settle down because at hat point he is wired/overtired.

deams

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 3:36 pm

I found nursing on one side by each feed worked best. That way baby got to the fatty filling milk. Wishing you lots of luck. It is not easy.

amother

Ecru

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 6:01 pm

Anyone else with suggestions? I am having a particularly hard time with putting him to sleep. Is what I've described the norm to most people? Or am I doing something wrong

Shuly

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 6:12 pm

Does he take a pacifier?

shana rishona

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 8:12 pm

My baby was the same way but he had reflux.
I rarely slept ....so I feel for you! I hope this doesn't last too long but you will get through it!
Would you pump so maybe your husband can feed him a bottle or 2 so you can sleep?

baschabad

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 9:17 pm

Not everyone does schedules with their babies. I never did, so I can't help you work within the schedule.
But if you're open to it, I would suggest doing away with the schedule altogether. Try to learn to read your baby, not the clock.

With my own kids, I nursed pretty much whenever they cried until they fell asleep. Breastmilk is great like that! Plus, your baby really could just be hungry. He definitely does not need to watch his weight, no matter where he is on a growth chart. It's like saying that we don't need to feed fat kids!

If you can learn to nurse lying down, let feeding times do double duty by taking naps.

Good luck!

HelloG

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 9:25 pm

Ill be honest with you that I didn't even finish reading the entire post because I got the vibes. Can I suggest that you take a break from all the books and advice and follow the good old cues of your baby. A baby tells you everything it needs whenever it needs.
I found that when my baby cried when I tried putting her down for a nap she simply didn't need that much sleep. She was happy to play but not to nap. She is human and has personalized needs.
Put all the rules aside for a few days and try a flexible approach of listening to your baby's cues. She/he will tell you everything

happy mommy6

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 9:36 pm

I feel for you! Mine was the same way until I called a sleep consultant! It was my first child ( this was my 6th) to sleeo through the night by 6 months! I can't tell you how it changed my family's life! We were all so much happier. ..me and baby! And the rest of my family had happier mommy too which helped them Smile

987gold

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 10:53 pm

Child may be having a growth spurt, so needs to nurse more frequently. But that should only last a couple days

amother

Khaki

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 11:08 pm

Maybe he's ready for solids since he's pretty big... Mine was on the 98th percentile and he was actually sleeping great with a feeding or two at night. When he turned 4 months all of a sudden he was up every hour to eat for a week straight. I went to the pediatrician who recommended starting solids since his body probably needed it. That did the trick. He slept great after that.

losingweight

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 11:10 pm

Listen to your babies cues and not to the doctor or books. You knowingly baby best. Mine is a year and still runs my show. Nursing babies do that. Some babies need tow naps and some need three. Don't force him. If he's cranky you'll realize he's tired. Nurse him even if it's close to the previous feeding. He'll relax and fall asleep and you'll be calm too.
The sooner you stop pressuring yourself to get it perfectly right the sooner you will have a happier mother and baby. My experience. Good luck.

Ashrei

Wed, Aug 10 2016, 11:43 pm

You mentioned you look for signs of tired - ness. Maybe in your baby he's already overtired at that point. Try putting him down before you see the cues (figure on when you'd expect them).

An odd tip that works: Try a 5:30pm bedtime. Esp if he has no 3rd nap (see website below)

Make you sure feel he's full and confident that's not the issue.

I'm concerned that you've inadvertently made holding him while he's crying for 1-2 hours PART of your bedtime routine, and that he expects and will do this each time.

Do you think he just wants to play with you? If so, and you're sure he's full...

I know I'll get some slack from this but consider CIO. I know he seems little, but for a normal healthy baby who has stinky sleep patterns, this can really be a life saver. Here's the cliff's notes:

http://sorensmom-ivil.tripod.com/4months.html

Read this page. Put your baby on the schedule he suggests, but note that there are wide windows here, so accommodate your baby within those terms. If you miss a sleep window, let him CIO and figure, "I'll get it next time," but keeping him up will just get him and you more aggravated. If things are happening outside the schedule, consider CIO if possible, or look forward to the next window.

Hatzlacha!!! You'll get through this!

MyUsername

Thu, Aug 11 2016, 9:26 am

So different babies have different orders for their schedules. Most little babies are either:
1) Eat, then sleep, then play (and repeat)
Or
2) Eat, then play, then sleep (and repeat)

It's possible that your baby is #2, and you're trying to put him on a #1 type of schedule makes him miserable! We had the opposite - we were told to do #2, but our baby was really a #1 type of baby and she stopped sleeping well and stopped eating well on a #2 type of schedule. As soon as we went back to #1, she became happy and ate well and slept well. (Note, a small number of little babies are #3: eat, play, sleep, play). If you want to more about option number 2, you can read Tracy Hogg's 'Baby Whisperer' book.

Also, another suggestion - you're baby may be crying because he is overtired and doesn't know how to fall asleep himself. You can try Harvey Karp's 'Happiest baby on the block' book for suggestions on how to help soothe him and get himself to sleep. At the very least, I strongly recommend swaddling - it keeps babies from waking themselves up (a pediatric neurologist even explained to me why). Especially for babies who have trouble sleeping on their backs, it can really really help them both fall asleep and stay asleep.

If you want additional info on how often and how long your baby should be sleeping for at every age, I strongly recommend Marc Weissbluth's 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child' book - it has information on how much and how frequent and what kind of sleep your baby and child needs at every age/stage. it also has a good overview of sleep training methods (he goes by cry it out). This book was a lifesaver for us. Once we knew how mcuh sleep our baby needed and when, it was much easier to make a schedule for her that worked for her.

Good luck!

amother

Ecru

Thu, Aug 11 2016, 10:08 am

Thank you everyone for your replied. The schedule I put him on has only been implemented the last two weeks. I used to follow his cues and have him "be in charge". This was not good for him because
1)He didnt nap for longer than 20 min
2)He only napped once or twice a day (for 20 min at a time)
3)He ate every hour and spat up a ton every time (This is why I stared spacing his feedings. Now he doesn't spit up half as much!)
4)He was miserable and always cranky.

The schedule helped because he is taking more frequent naps that last longer. My problem was putting him to sleep and how often he woke up at night.

Last night I was at my wits end and read about CIO (after trying the no-cry sleep solutions for 2 weeks) . I tried it with him and he was asleep withing 5 minutes! I only needed to nurse him twice, which is age appropriate, compared to my previous 5 times a night. I never wanted to try CIO but it seems I had a bad case of poor sleep habits, as one poster suggested.

kollel wife

Thu, Aug 11 2016, 2:40 pm

Those who are saying - throw away the books and schedules - don't know what a very difficult baby is like.

I don't have a suggestion - does a bath help in the evening? Also ask the doctor about changes to your diet or adding formula or food.

amother

Fuchsia

Fri, Aug 12 2016, 1:29 am

amother wrote:

Last night I was at my wits end and read about CIO (after trying the no-cry sleep solutions for 2 weeks) . I tried it with him and he was asleep withing 5 minutes! I only needed to nurse him twice, which is age appropriate, compared to my previous 5 times a night. I never wanted to try CIO but it seems I had a bad case of poor sleep habits, as one poster suggested.

I also said I'd never do CIO and my baby only cried for like 10 minutes the first night and that was the worst it ever was. Now when I put him down he usually goes right to sleep. I read Dr weissbluth's book and found it very helpful. I don't follow everything exactly, I make adjustments to what I feel is best for my baby, as should everyone with all these books and stuff.

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