Non religious wedding poem in Binah

amother

Apricot

Sat, Aug 13 2016, 11:03 pm

Did anyone else read the poem in Binah about the non religious wedding and find it incredibly judgmental and condescending? Maybe I'm just being sensitive but I was quite shocked that it was published at all and published in the tisha b'av issue to boot. the writer compared the lightness of this not frum wedding to the churban! how is that a churban?? intermarriage is one thing, sure, but this was a jewish wedding! and on tisha b'av. it made me feel so icky. just wondered if any other readers had similar feelings?

momofqts

Sun, Aug 14 2016, 9:29 am

I'm with you! Did not like it! I felt the comparison to the churban was off. Its ok to be grateful for the depth and meaning in your life but the way it was presented definitely irked me.

seeker

Sun, Aug 14 2016, 2:22 pm

Yes.I understood what the writer was trying to say but it still came across off-putting.

Write to the editors, they pay attention to feedback.

dee's mommy

Sun, Aug 14 2016, 6:39 pm

Okay, you've got me curious. I don't get Binah, or any other magazine, so what did the poem say? (It sounds pretty extreme from what everyone is saying.)

seeker

Sun, Aug 14 2016, 7:38 pm

It basically described a wedding of, presumably, secular Israelis. The writer is accustomed to a different, more somber, style of celebration and feels that this wedding lacks spirituality. She views the celebrants' apparent lack of Jewish understanding as emblematic of the churban and says this stirs more mournful feelings in her than Tisha b'av does. I could hear the perspective if put differently but indeed the tone seems condescending and judgmental. It especially seemed like the writer was criticizing the more exuberant celebration, which is not the essential problem that she meant to focus on, and comes across as judgmental of anything different than what she's used to.

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Aug 14 2016, 7:57 pm

Growing up very frum, we used to make fun of those "modern" people who actually danced at weddings, and those weird kallahs who would change into sneakers for the dancing so they could join in the fun. The proper way to do it was just to walk around primly in a circle while you gossiped about the girls and women around the room.
Guess the writer is from those circles, where having fun at weddings is something to mourn, akin to Tisha B'av.

dee's mommy

Sun, Aug 14 2016, 11:00 pm

I have no way to read the poem, but the last non Orthodox wedding I went to was of a lovely young couple who were pretty traditional. I couldn't participate in the dancing, but it was very clear that from their invitation (which included a cloth square for guests to decorate for the purpose of making their chuppah) through their wedding that their yiddishkeit as they understood it was meaningful to them.

cbsp

Sun, Aug 14 2016, 11:01 pm

amother wrote:

Please guess again or at least read the article. She was bemoaning the lack of a kesubah (yet there seemed to have been a Rabbi Mesader Kiddushin), the interpretive nature of the "Sheva brachos" and other aspects of the chupah which basically stood tradition on its head.

agreer

Sun, Aug 14 2016, 11:12 pm

I read it and didn't find it offensive, but I'm also not the "easily offended" type.

Like cbsp said, she cried because this wedding lacked the kedusha that a traditional frum wedding should have.

cbsp

Mon, Aug 15 2016, 12:10 am

dee's mommy wrote:

Here ya go, not the best copy. You should be able to zoom in to read it...

amother

Copper

Mon, Aug 15 2016, 12:15 am

Thanks for posting!

Now that I read it, I do see where the writer is coming from... but yes, it comes across as condescending and judgmental.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Aug 15 2016, 12:53 am

Why when expresses pain and disillusionment is it judgemental - if course we should be Dan lchaf zchus that they didn't see or know different - but she vented about how sad what she saw

cbsp

Mon, Aug 15 2016, 12:57 am

amother wrote:

Thanks for posting!

Now that I read it, I do see where the writer is coming from... but yes, it comes across as condescending and judgmental.

I'm wondering which part you found condescending and judgemental. Can you please clarify?

DrMom

Mon, Aug 15 2016, 1:23 am

Sounds like a fun wedding!

Too bad it wasn't depressing enough for the sourpuss author.

BTW, I've been to many secular weddings in Israel where the guests completely ignore the chuppah, the rav mumbles the sheva brachot, and they play trendy top-40 type music with totally inappropriate lyrics at the chuppah , and nobody gets a tallis. It sounds like this couple actually keeps many traditions.

May they built a Bayit Ne'eman b'Yisrael! Mazal tov!

amother

Copper

Mon, Aug 15 2016, 1:25 am

cbsp wrote:

I'm wondering which part you found condescending and judgemental. Can you please clarify?

The whole first column.

I understand these things made her sad, but the way she wrote it came out so negative and condescending. There's a way to bring her point across without that tone.

cbsp

Mon, Aug 15 2016, 1:27 am

amother wrote:

The whole first column.

I understand these things made her sad, but the way she wrote it came out so negative and condescending. There's a way to bring her point across without that tone.

Interesting. I re-read it with the perspective that people were finding it offensive and thought maybe it was the last part.

Maybe I'm not understanding the meaning of "condescending" in this context?