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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
My daughter is failing and no one told me
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sunnshine770




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 15 2016, 4:05 pm
We are transfering to a new (Jewish) school. After the new school tests her they inform me she is barely at 2nd grade level....she is going (supposed) into 4th grade.
First...I am in complete shock. Out of all my children...she is the one I thought was doing ok.
Second...I am angry....why didnt the other school let me know she is struggling. Not one call...email...note...her report card is above average. The new school gave me the feeling its my fault. They asked me why I never called the teacher. But I did. I go to parent teacher conferences....I monitor report cards....I wasnt getting any tests back from my daughter and called teacher about it. She never mentioned my daughter is struggling. She even emailed test results....all passing grades. Was I supposed to assume something is wrong? What else should I have done? I need to know so this doesnt happen again.
Third....now what??? I'm hiring a tutor....
Should we hold her back a grade?
She is devastated by all this.
I spend a fortune on school and its quite disheartening to hear all this. I feel like I threw 20,000 in the garbage.
Thoughts??
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groovy1224




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 15 2016, 4:18 pm
Is the new school at a much higher level academically? It could be their expectations of a fourth grader are different than that of her old school's.

Can you speak to them about what specifically their concerns are? Is she weak in math, reading, spelling?

Also, please don't share enough of this with your daughter that she should be 'devastated.' Sounds like she's been a reasonably diligent student at least, and she needs your support. Going to a new school is hard enough without being held back a grade. Don't make it out to be a tragedy that she caused. Make sure she knows you believe in her.
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sunnshine770




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 15 2016, 4:46 pm
I didnt think it was higher academically. They havent even tested her for secular studies yet. She's having issues with Chumash and Ivrit.
They said she's reading at 1st grade level. I'm at a loss....The problem with the old school was she went through 3 different teachers(fired or quit) in secular studies last year. I assumed, at least, she learned in Judaic class.
I did speak with my daughter about the possibility of being held back. I just wanted to prepare her for the worst. I am trying to stay positive and encourage her. Tutoring starts next week. I'H
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 15 2016, 5:11 pm
sounds like a different teaching system ... each school is different

ask the new school how they can help her catch up and to please direct you to remedial classes, or how you can tutor her yourself at home to be up to par with her grade

going down one grade will not be bad if it helps her catch up ... 2 might effect her self-esteem
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 15 2016, 5:15 pm
There are still a couple of weeks left in the summer. Can you spend some time with her every day on kriya and ask them to retest?
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amother
Violet


 

Post Mon, Aug 15 2016, 5:20 pm
I think you are clearly at fault here as well. Did you do any homework with her? Did you study for any tests with her? I don't think it's fair to lay all the blame with the school when is pretty apparent you neglected your involvement.
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amother
Ruby


 

Post Mon, Aug 15 2016, 5:28 pm
You mentioned that the emailed grades were passing grade. If my daughter would get just passing grades, I would make sure she gets the help she needs. I would expect my daughter to score a B+ or higher; otherwise, I would work with her on her homework, assignments, or exams, or hire a tutor.
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amother
Amber


 

Post Mon, Aug 15 2016, 5:34 pm
amother wrote:
I think you are clearly at fault here as well. Did you do any homework with her? Did you study for any tests with her? I don't think it's fair to lay all the blame with the school when is pretty apparent you neglected your involvement.

how is she at fault- when all the information she was getting was positive and was in touch with the teachers.
It could be your daughter is pleasant sweet and quiet so she fell through the cracks, not putting blame on the teacher, it just sometimes happens especially if it is a big class. I personally would not hold my child back, but find out the skills she is missing and work on those.
I also would not share too much about her being behind, but more as other posters said the learning style/ curriculum is different.

I remember in 2nd grade we moved and the new school I was in was already up to division and we were still doing addition and subtraction... The new teacher treated me like garbage and totally ruined my self esteem. Hopefully you can meet with her new teachers before school starts and getting everyone on the same page.
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amother
Emerald


 

Post Mon, Aug 15 2016, 5:57 pm
Something similar happened to my daughter. The teachers said everything was fine - until she started failing math, badly. No teacher ever complained about my daughter, she never disrupted class and just flew under the radar. She is my first and while she was always a little dreamy, I never thought twice about it - until I had my second child, who was sharp as a tack.

I finally got my daughter assessed for ADD - and surprise, surprise, she came up as fitting the criteria for ADD, inattentive subtype. I was shocked, and kind of disappointed in the school - she was my first and I had no idea that she had an issue for a very long time and I had faith in the school that if they saw something that they felt needed addressing they would alert me but the school was less that helpful. I assumed they would recognize if something was not normal and alert me - I only had one child and they'd seen tons - surely they recognized issues - so I thought at the time! I had teachers actually question why I got the assessment. I know teaching is hectic and someone who is not attracting any attention since she's just staring out the window daydreaming all day may fly under the radar - but I was not aware this was not normal since that's what I'd done in school! Once I got her on meds and fully tutored up, she's been pulling excellent marks in everything.

You can't depend on the school to be proactive - they only have enough energy to deal with the squeaky wheels. I really hope things turn around for your child as they did for mine!
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amother
Violet


 

Post Mon, Aug 15 2016, 5:58 pm
amother wrote:
how is she at fault- when all the information she was getting was positive and was in touch with the teachers.
It could be your daughter is pleasant sweet and quiet so she fell through the cracks, not putting blame on the teacher, it just sometimes happens especially if it is a big class. I personally would not hold my child back, but find out the skills she is missing and work on those.
I also would not share too much about her being behind, but more as other posters said the learning style/ curriculum is different.

I remember in 2nd grade we moved and the new school I was in was already up to division and we were still doing addition and subtraction... The new teacher treated me like garbage and totally ruined my self esteem. Hopefully you can meet with her new teachers before school starts and getting everyone on the same page.


I don't think the op is entirely at fault. I think she shares the blame. You'd be hard pressed to find a parent that truly has no idea whatsoever where their 3rd grader is holding other than what the report card and teacher says. The op says she never got a test back the entire year and called the teacher. And.....what happened next? Whose faule is it the the mom didn't see a test all year? How is it that the op didn't make sure to see a single test all year? With that in mind there is even a bigger achrayus to study and do homework to get a first hand idea of where things are holding. Most parents know this child has a quick head for math, this one struggles with spelling, and this one writes well. Some of that knowledge is first hand, seeing it when working or talking to their child. I don't mean to make the op feel bad. I just think it's not fair to lay ALL the blame with the school as if the parents are completely innocent for seemingly not spending 5 minutes working with their child all year.
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notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 15 2016, 6:05 pm
If her report card is above average and she is failing something is wrong..
Amother to say amother is at fault is not fair. How should someone who is not a teacher know what is age appropriate level for homework and stuff? It is something only an experienced mother of several children would know when a kid is behind.
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oliveoil




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 15 2016, 8:31 pm
Sounds like the schools are just teaching to very different standards. She probably WAS doing well in school A, hence no one told you she was failing (because she wasn't!). School B sounds more academically advanced, and so she's behind par.

I've seen this before. I work with a kid who, to my mind, is well below grade level in reading and comprehension, among other things, but I am continually told she is above average in her class, and I see it myself. If she was in a different school, I can well see them saying she's two grade levels below where she should be.
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polka dots




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 15 2016, 8:37 pm
Seems like op is saying that she was really on top of the situation.

Different schools have different teaching methods and testing methods. Eventhough she might know the material, maybe she was thrown of by the test format or type of questions asked. She might just have to adjust to this new way of learning and being tested.

Maybe the school can provide some recourse room help until she adjusts.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 15 2016, 8:43 pm
amother wrote:
I think you are clearly at fault here as well. Did you do any homework with her? Did you study for any tests with her? I don't think it's fair to lay all the blame with the school when is pretty apparent you neglected your involvement.


education is a 3-way partnership between the school, the child, and the parents

all must be functioning in synchronization for it to work
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Mon, Aug 15 2016, 8:52 pm
greenfire wrote:
education is a 3-way partnership between the school, the child, and the parents

all must be functioning in synchronization for it to work


Point well made. I think it's vitally important for parents to be hands on involved with their kids educations. The study of secular subjects should be valued and respected and supported just as the study of religious subjects are. I do wonder if many parents are aware of their childrens reading levels, discuss books and English vocabulary etc? If the children aren't reading recreationally or writing recreationally, what can be done to encourage those efforts? I also feel that every childs schooling doesn't stop when they leave school.
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Mon, Aug 15 2016, 9:00 pm
I can so relate. My daughters report card is also positive . And when I speak to the teachers they say she is making progress and doing well. I knew she wasn't because I learned my lesson from the year before not to trust them. Always at the end of the year they came up with a way to blame my child and I realized this year she was behind cause she did not have the best teachers last year and basically barely made progress they r pushing that under the rug and now blaming my child for being behind... It makes me sick. This is in a smaller teacher to class ratio btw and still the experts couldn't get her up to par or even halfway there!!! Always at the end of the year all the complaints would come. And during the year I was involved and tried but I'm not my kids teacher. The teachers where incompetent and my kid suffered! Now I must deal with the consequences. Schools should be held a bit accountable. As a previous poster said about it being her first child my child was also so it was harder for me to see the signs. Hope all goes well for u good luck.
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RachaelLeah




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 15 2016, 9:24 pm
I want to chime in about Kriyah - you mentioned two things, one - that she does well on assignments and tests, and two - that the new school is worried about her Kriyah.
The two ARE NOT mutually exclusive and it is very possible, and in fact it happens all the time, in Jewish schools everywhere, for a child to be very successful in their studies and to have horrible Kriyah.
Especially a bright child, which it sounds as if your daughter is, can invent all kinds of work arounds to succeed in her studies while hiding the issue of faulty Kriyah. Her teachers may have never known, because of her good memory or other strengths.
Many schools lack solid Kriyah programs, or they may do a lot of Kriyah in 1st grade and have no follow through, and by the time a child is going into 4th grade, they've had two full years without Kriyah reinforcement and errors creep in in spades.
Kriyah may have been a weak point for her previous school, and a strong point for the new school, which may explain the discrepancy.
You can look at this as a wonderful opportunity - now you know something that can help your daughter. You can now help her achieve excellent Kriyah.
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groisamomma




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 15 2016, 10:42 pm
Food for thought:

There are teachers out there, often the young and/or inexperienced ones, that think that since a child's progress is a reflection of their own teaching abilities they should always pass the students and keep issues under the rug so it won't make them look bad. (No offense to anyone here, I'm a teacher myself, and yes, for the most part if you are doing a poor job the students' report cards should reflect that.)

It could very well be that your daughter is seriously struggling, and is significantly below grade level, but regardless of whether you, as her mother, were on top of her homework or not, deliberately raising her grades on the report card and never bringing up her struggles with you is a reflection of the teacher's poor teaching abilities.

Just something to think about.
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amother
Peach


 

Post Tue, Aug 16 2016, 6:05 am
I would say one of 2 things: either the new school is more advanced and has higher expectations, or for some reason, both op and the old school believed that "passing" is good enough. Either way, seems like the child will need some remediation and tutoring. Ask the new school for recommendations. When you say she was passing, what does that mean? Was she simply getting over a 65? Because if so, simply passing the test is not enough! It shows the most basic of competency but not mastery! Like another poster said, anything lower than B or B+ is really a sign that some extra help is needed. 70s and low 80s is passing but doesn't mean the child is doing well.
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amother
Orchid


 

Post Tue, Aug 16 2016, 1:03 pm
This happened to me. Everyone told me what a delight my child was. Report card had a good grade. Then I was slammed with the news that they think my child needs resource room. She barely came home with homework because teacher didn't believe in it.
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