Being held hostage by our teens

chen

Tue, Aug 21 2007, 1:12 pm

greenfire wrote:

when my kids don't like what or how I say or dress ... I say too bad ... this is ME!!!

Right on!
OK, OK, sometimes I accept their fashion advice--when I'm so inclined--since they seem to have a surprisingly good sense when it comes to these things (too bad that aesthetic sense doesn't extend to their room LOL

).

But to tell me what to say? Whom to talk to? Who's the parent here?

HindaRochel

Tue, Aug 21 2007, 3:03 pm

amother wrote:

That they tell you what to wear
who to speak to who not
and what not to say when on telephone with friends shock

Final Biggy here, so do you give in then>

Okay, my oldest has given me fashion advice, and basically told me that women over a certain age shouldn't wear shirts tucked in but she doesn't tell me who to speak to and what to say!

No you don't give in.

hila

Tue, Aug 21 2007, 3:12 pm

Mine occasionally give me fashion advice.

OTOH - I have learned not to say I like something in a store - if I want tehm to buy it .
I am told it is "ugly" and "how could you think I would think of waering that ??"

of course we end up with something more or less identical from another store later on. Smile

Teenagers !

Ruchel

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 12:54 pm

amother wrote:

and you tolerate this, why?

ditto

I remember I started telling my mom I wanted to wear this and that, I was in middle school, before that I was very happy with letting her choose and ask me if I liked. So telling HER what to do... shock

My mom and I have different styles in clothes, but sometimes an item is fine for both and we buy 2, or one that we borrow from the other when we want it (same size often goes since I wear things tight and she wears things large).

If you say private things about your teen on the phone, I can understand telling you not to do it, but apart from that...

amother

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 3:12 pm

Quote:

If you say private things about your teen on the phone, I can understand telling you not to do it, but apart from that...

Hi it's op here, this above statement is what I was referring to. Problem is what they consider private I don't. The cute things they did when they were little they don't want repeated to my freinds because it's embarrassing for them.

If I want to wear a sheital that looks like it has horns but doesn't really (just the idea here) LOL

They will beg me, implore me not to go out that way, or they will not go with me.

So again I ask should I give in, or say too bad how sad type of thing.

Ruchel

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 3:19 pm

amother wrote:

Quote:

If you say private things about your teen on the phone, I can understand telling you not to do it, but apart from that...

They will beg me, implore me not to go out that way, or they will not go with me.

So again I ask should I give in, or say too bad how sad type of thing.

If the sheitel is really weird I can understand. Cute things they did can be embarrassing too, I would discuss with them what is embarrassing to them and see if you agree with them and can respest their sensitivity.

chen

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 5:10 pm

amother wrote:

Quote:

If you say private things about your teen on the phone, I can understand telling you not to do it, but apart from that...

Hi it's op here, this above statement is what I was referring to. Problem is what they consider private I don't. The cute things they did when they were little they don't want repeated to my freinds because it's embarrassing for them.

So again I ask should I give in, or say too bad how sad type of thing.

You have to ask? I thought they were correcting your grammar or objecting to your use of words they consider uncool. Would you tell people things about a friend of yours if she asked you not to? No? then how can you think of doing such a thing to your children?

The only exception I would make would be telling their grandparents about something that makes me proud which out of modesty the kids don't want told--and then I would do it when they are out of earshot. You know, like, "Mom, Mazal is going to be class valedictorian and Nissim just won the middos award, but don't tell them I told you."

amother

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 5:23 pm

Quote:

and then I would do it when they are out of earshot. You know, like, "Mom, Mazal is going to be class valedictorian and Nissim just won the middos award, but don't tell them I told you."

Op here I love my kids believe it or not but one doesn't want me to repeat , another doesn't want me to say that, so by the end of it all there is nothing left to say.

But I think your advice makes the most sense do it out of earshot and ask ma etc not to let on that you know. Though why we have to walk on eggshells with our kids is imho ludicrous Confused

Ruchel Your advice with dress well I guess I have to conform too.

This is what I mena being held hostage Rolling Eyes

amother

Wed, Aug 22 2007, 8:42 pm

Some parents really should be muzzled. true story, heard from the victim herself--a girl was being picked up by a blind date and her father was talking to him in the livingroom. normal fathers will grill the guy about his background, plans for the future, earning potential, where he's taking the girl and what time they'll be back. this father did none of that. insted, he made it his business to let the guy know how smart the daughter was. he bragged about how early she started reading and how she potty-trained herself shock

Naturally, this was exactly the point at which the poor girl walked into the room.

embarrassed

the daughter may have been brilliant, but the dad????????

Tefila

Thu, Aug 23 2007, 4:04 pm

Quote:

insted, he made it his business to let the guy know how smart the daughter was. he bragged about how early she started reading and how she potty-trained herself

Oh amother you poor girl but you got married despite it all Wink

TzenaRena

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 5:41 am

I play it by ear. Usually don't give in, but will humor them as much as possible. Mostly the girls are the mavens about the looks, clothes, sheitel, but my son is the pronounced expert on chinuch, and how I should be bringing up my youngest. Smile

Yeh, what they consider private is sometimes so exaggerated. We can be having a nice talk on the way to shul, and my dd will beg me to stop talking about whatever it is, because someone may overhear (I'm not a loud talker, and there is no one around within a twenty foot radius). In such a case I oblige, because it's no use trying if she is so anxious.

My sheitel, I let my older dd brush it, she can even set it sometimes. I have even begun to rely on that in a pinch.

amother

Sun, Aug 26 2007, 4:02 pm

Quote:

I play it by ear. Usually don't give in, but will humor them as much as possible.

Finally a real parent here Thanks Twisted Evil

I am not saying never , nor am I saying not to respect their wishes and concede with them at times. But ultimately they have to be tolerant of the older generation we are their parents not buddys Glad to know I don't have a lopsided aproach Tzena Rena.

southernbubby

Mon, Aug 27 2007, 10:32 pm

I have a friend who is always beautifully dressed and made up. I was sure that her teenagers beamed with pride whenever she showed up at their school. But guess what! Nothing doing! Those kids were crimson with embarrassment at the sight of their beautiful mom at school. She is smart, put together, a community leader, well liked, etc and her kids practically hid under the desks when she showed up.