Vent / need help | Imamother

amother

Jade

Sun, Aug 21 2016, 12:30 am

So I need somewhere to vent as I'm so scared about how we are going to support ourselves. I just had a baby a month ago and my DH had not been working for some time now. I did not think I would get pregnant as I was waiting for us to be better off financially but I am getting older and I really wanted to have a child. The thing is now we have no income and I have no clue what we area going to do.
BTW if anyone here knows of any electrical engineering jobs please let me know. Thanx

LittleDucky

Sun, Aug 21 2016, 2:09 am

Where do you live?
What work can/do you do?
Can he do the SAHD job if you can be employed?
How can you minimize your expenses? Babies really don't need tons of stuff- basic clothes, diapers, a bed (pack n play is fine. And pretty cheap- amazon has some for $50 and sometimes cheaper which is way less than a basic crib). Unless you live in a frozen tundra the wipes warmer is unnecessary. I know you want to spoil the baby- who doesn't? But having a less stressed mom is more important and will have a greater impact than brand of stroller or niceness of infant clothes which will be spit up on and outgrown quickly.

amother

Jade

Sun, Aug 21 2016, 5:22 am

OP here
Thanks so much to all I do work but I only had the baby a month ago so I'm not ready yet to go back. We are trying to get benefits from the government but right now we are using up what little savings we have and I'm scared we will run out. As for baby items I got stuff from other people including a huge crib and didn't spend a dime. I do need money for essentials like formula as I don't have much milk and diapers.

Teomima

Sun, Aug 21 2016, 6:27 am

If your dh is not working because he's looking for jobs as an electrical engineer, he needs to reprioritize. Any job is better than no job. If you're truly desperate, he needs to work, doing whatever he can.

There are advantages to this. For example, as something as simple as a supermarket cashier is usually an easy job to get and often comes with awesome in-store discounts, which can make a huge difference when buying essentials. And such a job is ready enough to quit if/when he does eventually find something in his field of choice.

watergirl

Sun, Aug 21 2016, 6:38 am

amother wrote:

I understand that your situation is very hard. Many of us have no choice but to go back to work sooner then we would like. After my youngest, I was given less than 2 weeks leave from my employer - and I had a c-section! If your husband is not willing to take any job other than his one limited field, and you want more than a month off, unless there is more to the story, then sorry, somethings got to give here. Its not ok to be physically able to work but to choose not to, then ask for hand outs. A hand me down crib is smart - not a hand out. But this is just something to think about.

amother

Jade

Sun, Aug 21 2016, 8:53 am

I have tried to tell him to take anything but I don't think he listens. Also my job doesn't pay enough so we would need handouts anyway and not be eligible for government benefits. I'm trying to find a better job but it's very hard. I am on Medicaid I got on that as soon as I found out I was pregnant but if I go back and get paid $15 an hour I would lose that for myself and baby. Also if my dh gets a job with no benefits we lose that too and we have to pay from money we as don't have. I know handouts is not the answer but until he he gets a job with benefits we have no choice, unless I'm missing something.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Aug 22 2016, 10:32 am

There are a two main issues that I can spot in your posts. First issue is - where is your husband and why isn't he involved in the finances. Second issues is - where is your grit and optimism for the future to help yourself better your situation.

1) Why doesn't your husband have a job if he graduated with a good degree in electrical engineering? If he can't find a job, could he at least take an unpaid or low paid internship to build experience? How does your husband feel about having a new baby - was he part of the discussion? How does he feel about your finances? Do you not feel like he can take care of you? I recommend the book The Surrendered Wife for a radical change of perspective. I myself read this book and it completely changed my life and my marriage.

2) Why can't you go back to work a month after having a baby? Is your body still sore? Do you have a childcare problem? I was in a similar boat to you when I had my first (my husband was working but he had a low paying job). When my baby was a few months old I went back for an unpaid internship and alternated between my mother watching the baby and a sketchy drop-off babysitter. Finally the internship agreed to pay me and I spent every cent of that money on a private babysitter. I knew that I had to work, even if I made no money, in order to get experience and build my career. I also wanted to get out of the house - it's much healthier emotionally to be out with people and not alone with a baby, especially as the winter comes.

amother

Coral

Mon, Aug 22 2016, 11:17 am

amother wrote:

1- he should not take an unpaid internship- he has a family to provide for! How are they gonna pay for rent and food?

2- most women are not ready to go back to work a month after a baby- it's not just being sore from giving birth but also the toll taking care of a newborn has on u.

3- how can u leave ur baby at a "sketch babysitter"? That's ur most precious thing in the world how can u leave it by someone u don't trust???

Op- ur dh doesn't have the luxury of waiting for the perfect job anymore- it seems he has been out of work for a while. U were pregnant for 9 months so he had plenty of warning that he had to step up to take care of his dc. Times up. He has to take what he can get to take care of his family.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Aug 22 2016, 11:23 am

There's more to the OP's story than what it seems - where is her DH? Why didn't he take an internship during the pregnancy to try to build up his skills? Why doesn't the OP feel like her DH can take care of the family? ... When I was first married, it was all "on me." My cousin, on the other hand, who trusted her husband to take care of her and also believed that she deserved to be taken care of, was sitting and re-designing her kitchen, and not working. It's an attitude ... which is why I recommend the book The Surrendered Wife.

With regard to the sketch babysitter, you can believe I pulled the baby out a month later when I realized how bad it was. However, many women in my neighborhood used her, and at the time that was all I thought I could afford. B"H I was soon able to afford better.

amother

Jade

Thu, Aug 25 2016, 10:05 pm

OP here I think my dh can take care of baby but my doctor said to take it easy and not push myself to much as it is bad for me. I have an appointment in 2 weeks and an going to see if my doctor thinks it's ok to go back to work. Add far as I know my husband was looking fur a job and was trying to get a job but he hasn't found anything. Now he says he's looking for anything but anything could take time and if we earn to much we lose benefits which we can't pay for. My husband thinks we can move in with parents but I think that's a really bad idea as our marriage would fall apart. Still not sure how to get enough to be able to pay for everything.

amother

Coral

Thu, Aug 25 2016, 11:47 pm

I'm not positive how it works, but when u get Medicaid and food stamps etc, they don't kick you off as soon as ur income goes up, as u don't report it then. It's only when u need to reapply or file for taxes that u report ur income increase. So u should be fine for a few months, and hopefully his job will be good enough that u will do fine without these programs. You should have a few months to catch up so ur not struggling

amother

Sapphire

Thu, Aug 25 2016, 11:56 pm

amother wrote:

Depending on your state there are some minimal reporting requirements. Usually you have ten days to notice the agency when your income goes over the limit.

amother

Jade

Tue, Sep 13 2016, 11:42 pm

Just as a bit of an update I'm back at work and I redid my w9 to try to get more money now instead of waiting. For those of your who want to know. You can only be on food stamps off you earn less than $1984 a month and getting $15 per day would out me on top of that so I'm taking days off to try to stay below the limit. I'm also applying for wic but we will see how that goes. Now I have to figure out yom tov I may have to get handouts but I'm trying to see if can maybe do some pot luck meals.

amother

Brunette

Sun, Sep 25 2016, 7:28 pm

amother wrote:

Where do you live? In NY, the income eligibility for SNAP for a family of 3 is $2177/month. WIC is over $3000.