Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Succos
Splitting Yom Tovim



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

kelsorino




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2016, 4:45 pm
At what point do couples generally stop splitting yom tovim between parents and in laws? We are married 4.5 years and have 2 kids and I really want to stay home for the first half of succot and then go to my sister for second days. I am willing to go to my in-laws for shabbas chol hamoed but I don't want to go for yuntif. We will be staying home for RH. There is a lot of issues with the in-laws and I can not stomach more then 1 day. My husband is afraid they will be upset. What is the norm?
Back to top

tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2016, 4:56 pm
There is no norm. This really varies from family to family. I say you are your own family unit and need to do what's best for you as a family unit. Your in laws my be disappointed but thats just part of life.
Back to top

tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2016, 4:57 pm
Can you invite your in laws to come to you? That might be a nice option. Otherwise I think going for Shabbos chol hamooed is fine.
Back to top

amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2016, 5:02 pm
We used to split was crazy traveling half and half. There was no way to stay whole things at inlaws so never did. We now go there for shabbos chanukah or another weekend.
Back to top

kelsorino




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2016, 5:14 pm
Ok these answers make me happy :-)! It is not a traveling issue, or an accommodations. It has to do with me not liking them and am willing to go for a short amount (like a shabbas) but really would not like to go for two full days. He thinks if we tell his parents we are going to my sister second half and I live near my parents so will prob eat some meals by them first half then they will be very hurt. But eventually it is going to happen right? We are not going to go to them every year for the rest of our lives so its time to just get used to it?
Back to top

ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2016, 5:23 pm
You'll be fine! Do what is right for you and your husband.
Back to top

amother
Ecru


 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2016, 8:12 pm
I live 1.5 hours from my parents and an overseas flight frominlaws. We try to prioritize going to Inlaws for succos and Pesach since we see them less often. As our family grew in size however, it gets harder to travel so we go less frequently. I also go less to my parents and we make yomim Tovim at home a lot.
Back to top

amother
Orchid


 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2016, 8:34 pm
Do what's right for u. I have been going with my parents away away for succos since I am married. Twice I came back and went to on laws second days.
Pesach I split 3 times. Rest either by my parents full thing or last 2 years I was home 2nd days.
I barely goto in laws. In a way I feel bad but it gets harder and harder to go and accommodations are very not comfortable. (No place for kids to sleep. Etc)
We have tried inviting to us....doesn't work so we do what's good for us as a family.
Back to top

kelsorino




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2016, 8:43 pm
Thanx for the answer. I told my husband and he said fine. woohoo!!!
Back to top

sunshine5




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2016, 9:42 pm
kelsorino wrote:
Thanx for the answer. I told my husband and he said fine. woohoo!!!

Great. I was just gonna say Do whats right for you but make sure to consider ur dh feelings. Its his parents after all. Kol hakavod if he understands you and is willing to do it ur way. Ur a lucky girl.
Back to top

kelsorino




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2016, 10:06 pm
I always was very considerate and I understood that it was his family and I feel bad the way I dislike them. (until the last time we went and they were just so -I have no words to describe- that I stopped caring) but that is a good point to remember, and I needed that reminder so thank you!
Back to top

greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 24 2016, 12:08 pm
you don't have to do anything ... family should not put such huge pressure on young families to come for yom tov at the risk of feeling emotionally slighted ...

make yom tov by your standards ... without splitting hairs At wits end
Back to top

notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 24 2016, 12:31 pm
Each family has to do what works for them. If you want to start making yom tov, that is great. Going to only one side for Yom Tov can be offensive and start family problems though.
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Succos

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Online links for Girls Yom Tov dresses
by amother
1 Today at 12:55 pm View last post
Please help me purchase toys for Yom Tov
by amother
23 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 3:45 pm View last post
Tracking baby feeds on Shabbos/Yom Tov
by amother
15 Fri, Dec 29 2023, 12:14 pm View last post
Do you have special Yom Tov clothes?
by amother
4 Wed, Dec 27 2023, 10:21 pm View last post
BH was able to keep my Kabbalah from Yom Kippur What next ? 2 Sun, Dec 10 2023, 8:59 pm View last post